{when God [finally] opens the door}

So we have a local hero around here named Nevin Ashley. He is one of North Knox’s own and has

spent ten years in the minor leagues. WHICH IN ITSELF IS A VERY BIG DEAL. Whether you know him personally or not, if you are a Knox County native, chances are you are talking about him this week. And if you do happen to know him personally, you are certainly talking about him tonight!

He’s a local favorite, a great guy, and even though we all cheered him on through his many moves in the minors… His heart has always been set on the big show.  Major League Baseball.

I’m sure to many, after three years… four years… eight years of waiting it had to seem like that dream would not be realized. According to the Brewer’s website, he had his own moments of doubt as well, nearly retiring in 2013. It gets weary, standing in the hallway just waiting for that door to open.

And then, this week… it DID. After a decade working his butt off in the minors, Nevin got the call he had dreamed about since he was a little boy playing summer league ball.  Eight hundred and seventy games in the minor leagues, ten years of practice, playing, injury, moving, and waiting… it all paid off as he took his first at bat stance in a Major League game.  And our family, along with countless other families in the NK area became instant Brewers fans.

And we all cheered like crazy when his first at bat yielded a double and an RBI.  We hung on every word the announcers had to say about his plays in the game (Jim is, as I type, re-listening to them all). They were rooting for him too, they recognized the magic of someone called up after a decade in the minors.  All because he didn’t give up. All because when he felt like giving up, he had a wife who encouraged him to keep playing the game that he loved. All because he made the absolute best out of the hallway.

As my Facebook feed fills up with congratulations, well wishes, and posts sharing his story into the Majors… I wonder if he is pinching himself? All that wait… and here he is, playing Major League ball. EIGHT HUNDRED AND SEVENTY GAMES, you guys.

All.That.WAIT.

Are any of you in a season of waiting? Feeling your way down an unfamiliar hall just waiting for the door to be opened for you?

I know about life in the hallway. I know what it’s like to have a call on your life, a destiny, a dream… and to wait and wait and wait for that door to open. I thought I was on the verge of the door being opened, six years ago.  But the Lord had different plans. He knew exactly what I needed, and He had to take me into a season of waiting to teach me things. So that I could learn from Him how to walk in humility and peace and love. So that he could train my spiritual muscles to respond quickly to His bidding and slowly to injury.  

Like Nevin there were times when I doubted the dream He had given me… and then an encourager would come along. A message out of the blue from someone who had little idea of the season I was in that would say “don’t give up, He’s still going to do this thing”. A Word spoken at just the right time. He sees you, and He’s using this season.

And like Nevin, this very night I am pinching myself. My life is overflowing with praise for all He has done. For the doors He has opened. When I look back on the last few years and the wait that felt like an eternity… I can see why. I can see the refining. The changing. The growing. The persevering through injury. Learning to trust in seasons of transition and moving. 

I am still a million miles from the "big league", but today as my friend Jeanie and I walked from the jail with smiles on our faces we both felt the same thing- encouraged. Tonight as the kids at Sprouts leaned in to hear how specially they were created by God- I was full of hope.  A few nights ago as a teen said “we can trust you”- my heart nearly burst. I may not be playing in the Majors, or have my name spoken on national TV, but tonight I feel like I'm exactly where He wants me to be. And it's amazing. 

What even is my life? How did I get so darn blessed? How did that long season of waiting turn into this??

I wonder if Nevin is feeling the same thing?

What even is my life? I had almost given up… now I am catching in a Major League Game. How did I get so blessed? How did 870 games in the minors turn into this??

Be encouraged, my friend. If you are playing your 698^th game in the minor leagues, be encouraged that the door is still there and it can still be opened. Be encouraged that this season of training is for the good. Be encouraged that He has a plan and a purpose, and that if God has planted a dream in your heart, He will bring you to it.

Tonight as we watched Nevin play against the Marlins… as we cheered him on with every play… I was reminded that dreams really do come true. It’s amazing to hear a corn fed Knox County boy’s name being called out by MLB announcers. It’s kind of a big deal.

I’m so not a big deal. But my God certainly is. And if He can put hands like mine to work for Him, what in the world could He do with you. Don’t shy away from a season in the hallway. Don’t give up when the door feels like it’s a million years away. Just keep doing what you can do where you are until He calls you up into your destiny.

And when you are sitting on your couch after a day overflowing with blessing (or in the locker room after your first game in the MLB), remember to thank Him. I can only imagine that Nevin has been… and I’m beyond certain that this girl is too.

Father, thank you for all the seasons of our life! Lord I PRAISE YOU for time spent in the hallway! Lord I praise you that even when doors are opened, it's not an END but a NEW BEGINNING! Father encourage those tonight who find themselves in a season of waiting. Encourage the ones who have grown weary in the wait... remind them tonight Lord that YOU are a God who is in charge, and who knows exactly what we need to walk in everything you have destined for us. Lord, we say tonight that we trust you... help us to praise you, wherever we are... even if it's in the hall! In Jesus Name...

and then He said YES.

Scripture tells us to take all of our requests to God, and that if we are praying according to His will, we will have what we have asked of Him. So often we take that scripture and twist God into some sort of genie in a bottle… granting wishes and desires just because we asked.

But that’s not who our God is. He is a wise Father who knows what is best for us. He knows the beginning from the end. And sometimes, His answer is no. Sometimes the thing we ask is not according to His will. Sometimes the best thing is not the immediate thing.

I have written a lot about that “no”. The “no” hurts. It’s confusing. Hearts are broken. It doesn’t make sense. I know all about the "no", I have learned much from those two letters.  

But sometimes… God says “YES”. Today I finally get to tell you about a major "yes" in our lives... one that was made possible because He first said "no". This is the story of an answered prayer, not in my time... but His. It is a reminder that He often works in delayed dreams. And for you to really understand the miracle... I have to go where Paul Harvey spent so much of his time... telling "the rest of the story"...

When Jim and I moved into our cute little starter home in Edwardsport, we only planned to be here until we started having kids. Unfortunately, we were young and dumb, and we didn’t guard our credit like we needed to in order to make that happen.

[BIG mistakes were made]

And so, in 2006 during one of Kathy Stephen’s Bible Studies she handed out little notecards on which she asked us to write our list of “impossible” situations… and to take those situations to a God for whom nothing is impossible.  I hesitated to even write it… because the reason for the “impossibility” was of my own making… yet there at the very bottom of the card I finally wrote “a bigger house”. It’s not that I wanted square footage or room to entertain… my heart just wanted to give Tali and Zachary their own rooms.

For three years that card rode around in my Bible, and when I saw it, I would take that impossible situation back to God. 

And then we saw it. The House on Morgan Road. [all capitalized, because that is the position it took in my heart]. It was empty, a foreclosure, stripped of everything that could be removed from the home… but bigger. And perfect. And… an answer to prayer.

I set off to the courthouse to get information, which led me to the Sherriff's Dept. I was given the name of the attorney who handled the foreclosure and the warning that they may not be able to give me any information. Each step of the way my prayer was the same... "God if this is not your will, please close the door".

I had been telling Jim that we should go walk around the house seven times with his shofar, praying all Jericho-style, asking God to deliver it over into our hands. He thought I was a little nuts [nothing new], but had seen God answer my crazy prayers enough that he would pull in and walk around the house once every time we drove by. After getting the number of the law firm and making a call to them, I decided today was the day for The Official March.

Stomping through weeds as high as my knees I trekked the uneven ground around The House on Morgan Road seven times. “God, you are a good God! And you are a faithful God! And if you want to, if this is YOUR will, you can make this house ours! YOU CAN DO THAT GOD, and I know you don’t do these kind of miracles for the sake of the miracle, but so that YOU will be glorified… God I just ask that if you are going to do this, you will keep the door open. But if this is outside your will that you will shut the door…”

At some point in my prayer I laid out the fleece… “God, if this is your will, would you cause that attorney to call me back as soon as I finish my seventh lap around the house?” It seemed ridiculous, but I’m the kind of follower that asks for ridiculous confirmations.

As I started my seventh trip around the house, I wished quietly that I had that shofar… and then in the distance a train horn blew. Every detail.

I finished in the front of the house.

I pulled out my phone and looked at it.

Nothing.

I sank to my knees in the front lawn.

I poured out all of my requests and dreams and desires to Him.

Still no call.

Deciding that it WAS ridiculous to ask God to do that, I got in my car, and pulling out of the driveway I aimed my car toward home.

And then it rang.

The moment all four tires were on the pavement, the attorney called me.

I was totally blown away. I am one to ask for ridiculous confirmations, but am still shocked when HE provides them!

Talking to the attorney, I was given the name of a contact person within the mortgage company that had possession of the house. I learned it was a home purchased with an FHA loan, which caused all sorts of complications with the purchase of it, and that I would have to work directly with them. Another phone call was made.

Another ridiculous request put before God.

“God, please don’t be angry with me… but I need to know you want us to pursue this… if you do… would you please have the mortgage company call me back while I’m waiting to pick the kids up from school?”

A fleece laid out that couldn’t be wet for three more hours. Crazy.

And then, at 3:05, sitting in my car outside the kid’s school…

The phone rang.

I can’t make this stuff up.

I learned that because the house was insured by the FHA, the purchase would be tangled up for a while. I was given an email address and told to keep in touch, but that it could take a while. God had confirmed it, and so we waited. 

The next Sunday in church, Seth preached on Luke 1:37. For nothing is impossible with God. The small notation in my Bible says “House on Morgan Rd-11/29/09”. 

A week later while case managing, I noticed yard signs everywhere with this same scripture. “Nothing is impossible with God”. Dozens of them.  Overwhelmed, I parked my car and called a friend. And looking up was a literal billboard that said the same. Nothing is impossible with God. 

He was going to do this thing! He was going to give us a house!!!

And we believed.

And we waited.

For a year.

And then, on February 25, 2011 one of my monthly emails came back with the following:

This property was transferred to HUD. Please call 1-800-CALL-FHA for more information.

It was GO TIME. This meant the home would soon be going up for auction. And the Lord had kept the door open this whole time.

We believed.

We dreamed.

We decorated rooms and painted walls and had friends over and cleaned up the yard and lived in that house… all in our minds… for over a year.

And now it was time for God to do what we knew God was going to do.

More investigation, more following up, contacting a local realtor, learning the process… God was so evident in every single detail. 

Then a Saturday morning call from Jim, “we need $3000 today to stay in the running for the house”.  We didn’t have that much cash, and we couldn’t even get to the bank in time to try to work out a loan. Again, "God if you are going to do this thing, keep the door open..."  

Within an hour, that entire amount of money had been secured through the generosity of friends and family. $1000 here and a $100 there. I drove up to our little "starter" home to find my husband, the tough guy, sitting on the front porch in tears. "He is going to do this, Becky!" Monday morning another miracle, and we were able to secure the rest of the bid amount from the bank.

We were blown AWAY.

God was going to do this!

We placed our bid. We signed on the dotted line. And when we doubted our bid on the way home, God took us directly to John 15:7... "if you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you."  We trusted our bid and we left it alone.

What a roller coaster it was… but it was so much fun because we knew it was going to end with us living in The House on Morgan Road.

And then came the no. We didn't win the house. We weren't even close.

And it hurt so bad. Not just because of the no… had I been told no that day I was looking for information, it would have been one thing. Had we not been able to get the initial bid amount together it would have been another. Had someone else bought the home outright from the mortgage company, we would have seen God closing the door. But He took us to the very last step in the process and we believed with everything within us that He was going to do this thing... so much so that it didn't feel like we were being denied something, but that something we already had was being taken from us. 

I would like to tell you that I put on a big faith-filled smile and said "God is so good, He must have a better plan!" or that I embraced the text messages that said "Prasing God for the BETTER thing He has in store!!!" but I did not. I was hurt, and confused, and sad. And Jim was just mad. He had gone from such faith and belief to questioning and doubt in the span of one two letter word.

The next week I wept before the Lord a lot. I had a good old fashioned pity-party. And then I finally asked… “Lord, won’t you help me understand? I understand the ‘no’… but why in the world would you take us all the way through the process just to shut the door?”

And He said to me “I need you and Jim to trust me as much in the ‘no’ as in the ‘yes’”.

And I realized, that had God let us get that house, Jim would have let me put John 15:7 up on the wall. But what would it have meant??? That our faith is strong when God is giving us what we want… but what about when the answer is no? Where is our faith then? Do we trust Him in the “no”? Do we trust Him when His plan does not make sense? Do we trust the path He has us on, even when it turns unexpectedly? God knew my heart's desire for a home... but He knew my greater desire to see my husband and myself grow in our reliance on Him. 

And so the wait resumed.

I told God that if my kids graduated high school and were still sharing a bunk bed, it would be weird, but not the end of the world. And that if my house was never big enough to host another family or two comfortably, that would be okay too. And that if my kitchen was always so small that I could touch the fridge, stove, cabinets, and sink all from standing in the same spot in the center, that would be fine (I don’t really like cooking that much anyway).

But that I still believed He could do it.

Jim and I did walk through several modular homes. We looked online at real estate listings. We looked at ways we could make it happen. But there was never a peace about that path. We even considered ways to add on to this home, wondering if that was God's will instead. But that didn't feel right either. We could have forced the issue, we could have forced our way into a larger house, we could have taken loans we couldn't manage at the time... but He told us to wait. And so we waited.

And then God did something unexpected to all…

Jim’s Aunt, recently widowed for the second time… fell in love.

And she didn’t just fall in love, she fell head over heels in love with an incredible man of God who is just as smitten with her. 

[It’s adorable.]

And soon after falling in love, they were engaged. It was at the family get-together the day of the proposal that Tali asked Aunt Sharon where she was going to live after she got married… what would she do with her house?  

Aunt Sharon answered “Well, I was going to talk to your mom and dad about that, actually”.

[and this, reader, is when my tears start to flow, because God IS so good, and He is able, and His timing is perfect…]

I’m not going to lie, although I love Sharon and know her as my own aunt, and can’t imagine anyone I would trust to their word more than her… my heart had a hard, hard time believing. I told the kids not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone. Even when people asked me about it (because Sharon or family had told them we were moving) I would say something noncommittal like “oh we think so” or “it sure looks that way”.

I had been so hurt by The Last House…  could I risk my heart again?

For months Sharon would talk about us moving into her home. And although I believed, I needed help in my unbelief.

And this last week, I told her that. I told her how hard it was for my heart to believe. How excited the kids were, and that we had even gone out on faith and bought a few decorations for their new rooms, but that I still had this fear of something freakish happening and the whole deal to fall through.

That night she called to let Jim know she had started moving all of her stuff out, so that we could get in. She sent a picture, and in that moment my heart knew…

God was saying “yes” to that prayer from December 2006.

He was answering that impossible situation in the way only HE could orchestrate.

He really is doing this thing.

And so, this last Saturday, we began to pack up fifteen years of living into cardboard boxes.

We are moving.

Can I say that again???

We ARE moving!!!!

To a bigger house with three bedrooms and a full basement and two bathrooms and a human sized kitchen and CLOSETS. Oh glorious CLOSETS.

We are moving!!!

The kids will have their own rooms.  Storage will no longer be in the living room. Our bedroom will no longer house THREE dressers because the kid’s room is too small and the closet space abysmal.  We will be able to go to the bathroom while someone else is showering.

God is so good!

And although His goodness is still hard for me to grasp [confession: I just texted Jim “I wrote a blog about us moving, that’s okay isn’t it? I mean this is REALLY happening right?” and couldn’t bring myself to post without his "go for it" form of reassurance]… He is helping me in my unbelief.

He is helping me see how His timing is perfect.  How Jim and I just completed Financial Peace University [btw Dave Ramsey approves of the kind of arrangements that will be made in the purchase of this home ;)], and have already made great strides in the path to financial freedom… how we are ready for the commitment a new home now. How we used that money secured for The Other House to put a new roof on our house, making it rentable or sellable.  How the school corporation consolidated last year, so that the kids won’t have to change schools now with the move. How family moving into her home bring a measure of peace to Sharon.

How He had a plan all along. How He knew what He was doing… taking us down that path and teaching Jim and I to trust Him in the no. How His ultimate goal is not about a house… but about making us mature and complete in Him… and that each step along this way has refined and grown us, individually and as a couple.  That even this yes is growing us. Teaching us to trust God’s will more than the good thing, but at the same time learning that as a good Daddy, He does like to give good gifts to His children. And that even though we don’t deserve it…  He loves us enough to do this for us.

In the same way that He loved Sharon and Myron both enough to give them each other.

His plan is so intricately woven, such a beautiful design… it’s hard to imagine what it will look like when we peer back over the tapestry of our lives in His presence.

The next weeks will be a flurry of cardboard boxes and trash bags. There are things in this home that I have not laid eyes on in a decade, I am sure (once you make your way to the top of my closet, you stay there). It will be bittersweet at times… Tali’s first steps were in my bedroom. Zach’s first bath on my kitchen table. We watched 9/11 unfold over and over in replays from this living room. Friends and family who have crashed on couches. Christmases and birthdays and brand new babies home from the hospital. Dinners served for friends out of that tiny little kitchen.  A pet cemetery in the side yard marks pups and cats gone by. Fifteen years of living. Of pictures. Of memories.

But oh, how I look forward to the next chapter.  How thankful I am for His grace and mercy and love… How thankful I am that HE made a way, where there appeared to be none. 

And finally I can say how thankful I am for the "no", the "no" that made this "yes" possible...

Thank you, to those of you who have walked with us on this path. You have prayed for us, supported us, and comforted us when the answer was no. Thank you, Sharon and Myron, for your generosity and desire to make this house work out for us. You are a blessing to our lives and we are so, so happy for you guys and thankful to be a part of your lives. Thank you, to my husband who has been patient with me as I allowed my heart to believe this is really happening, and for waiting to pack until I was ready. And most of all, thank you Jesus... for hearing all of those prayers for years... and answering them in just the right way, at just the right time.

tied together with love

This weekend was incredible. On Saturday morning I had the great pleasure of gathering with some beautiful women of God from our area who have a heart for Jesus and a desire to be His hands and feet. The project was simple... make blankets for those who find themselves sleeping in the cold this Christmas.

It started with piles and piles and piles of fleece... every color of the rainbow, soft patterns, even some jazzy zebra stripes. Next came cutting, tying knot after knot after knot after knot... then repeat. Twenty-one times.

As we worked, our thoughts kept turning to the homeless that will receive these blankets. It occurred to me as I worked along that we probably could have just bought blankets [already made] that would have kept these precious people warm... but isn't there something special about receiving a handmade gift? Knowing that someone cared enough, to do this just for you. Yes it is a special feeling to know that you are wrapped in a blanket tied together with love... each knot a prayer for your protection, that you would encounter God and the love He has for you, that He would make a way out of the darkness...

I saw the pile of "breakfasts in a bag" the SonShine Kids had put together for this same outreach, gloves donated by another...  I was so happy to be a part of the project, but I have to admit there was a longing in my heart to do more. Giving the gift of a blanket and a breakfast is a beautiful thing [especially a handmade one!]... but my heart still broke knowing that these blankets would find homes on the streets. Wrapping around people who feel hopeless, forgotten... cold. I found my heart crying out to God "don't let this be the end, show us how to do more. Show us how to love these folks well...to use the resources we have for your Kingdom... guide us Lord..."

You know what they say... be careful what you ask for.

How could I have expected to hear these words the following morning in my own church... "they are staying in their car, is it okay if they take one of the blankets...?" Of course! Of course... you didn't need to ask. Of course...

And then the quickening of the Holy Spirit. Maybe you can't make a way for every one of those 21 blankets, tied together with love, to make their way to an actual bed under an actual roof with actual heat. But what about this one? 


Over the next several hours, I was blown away as I saw the Body of Christ respond to this need. I sit here in tears as I recall the overwhelming response to a quiet plea to help. None of those who answered the call knew the people who needed assistance, and even more... They didn't bother to ask. They just gave. They tapped into their own, personal resources the week before Christmas. They pulled strings and called in favors. They mobilized resources from church. And within hours a couple was led to a modest room, with a real bed and real roof and real heat... Boxes and bags of food, toiletries, towels, toothbrushes all unloaded and put away... Gas cards tucked safely away in their pocket... bowls, skillet, dog kennel... Every perceived need met by anonymous faces. The hands and feet and heart of Jesus.

All of this, so that this couple who is seeking Christ could know and rely on the love the Father has for them. A Divine encounter in a hotel room where Jesus' heart met theirs.

I don't know why He would allow me to see this unfold first hand... except that He knows the desire of my heart to see the Body come together. And He knew how I would rejoice in seeing resources come from people connected to so many different churches and denominations. It was such a beautiful thing. It is such a beautiful thing. This weekend I caught a glimpse of His Bride... from quick fingers working hundreds of knots to quiet deliveries of food to text messages that say "I have room"... it was a beautiful, beautiful thing... and I could see why He is so ravished by Her beauty...!

So many times the church gets it wrong... we judge, and criticize, and stumble, and fail... but let us not forget the times when she gets it right. When her eyes are on Him, and she quickens to His call. When her heart is beating in rhythm with His, her hands are moving under His guidance, and her feet are going steadfast on the path He has laid before her... let us remember these times. Focus on them... and be encouraged to do more!

If you are interested in getting involved... let me know. We are going to continue to get together every month or so to make blankets so we can have even more to hand out next Christmas. You can participate by donating money, buying fleece, or showing up and tying knots. Let me know if you are interested and I will keep you in the loop on upcoming meetings.

You can also join me in praying for the other 20 blankets. I am believing God to make a way for each of those blankets to make their way from the street to a real bed with a real roof over it and real heat blowing through vents in real walls. And I am believing that He is going to use His Body to make it happen, and that He will be glorified through Her obedience! I know it may not happen immediately for all of those blankets, but I trust His timing, and it will be as perfect as last night was... His heart meeting ours. Our hearts meeting theirs. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing... being tied together with love.

no ordinary day...

Today was no ordinary day.

I woke up at my ordinary time. The kids went about their ordinary routine and climbed aboard their ordinary school bus. I watched my ordinary morning program as I answered ordinary emails.  I ran ordinary errands, and went about an ordinary work day. I had an ordinary lunch and left my ordinary tip.

But today was no ordinary day. Today I awoke with a revelation of how incredible the gift of today is. And that changes everything.

Day in and day out I awaken, go about my day, and then eventually doze off to sleep… dulled by the predictability of it all. The ordinariness of life.

But there is nothing ordinary about any today.

The very mechanics that keep you and I breathing are mind-boggling. The fact that we awaken each morning is a miracle in and of itself. The delicate balance that is necessary to keep us functioning… it’s truly astounding if you delve very deeply into it all. In fact, there is nothing ordinary about the fact that I can form thoughts and ideas, assimilate information, type it into this keyboard on my lap, read the words from an illuminated screen, that the light splashing against the back of my eye would cause electric impulses to begin bouncing around my brain… forming thoughts and ideas, assimilating information…

That’s extraordinary! Have you ever stopped to think about it at all?

And so, this was no ordinary day. As I opened my eyes this morning and began talking to God about today, considering the tasks before me, He impressed upon my heart “this is no ordinary day… none of your days are ordinary. Each carry a plan, a purpose… no, there is nothing ordinary about today…”

So, as I made an ordinary home visit, I found the extraordinary opportunity to meet another of God’s children at her point of need… not a need for additional in-home services, or for food or money, but the need for someone to be present, listening, nodding with empathy and offering hope during this difficult season in her life.

As I sat waiting for my lunch, I found the opportunity to smile gently to the one preparing my food.

As I ran ordinary errands, I found the chance to bring joy into chaotic places, grace where other customers would have shown frustration, and appreciation where so many take for granted.

As I heard the ordinary beep of my cell phone, I was blessed by the opportunity to pray for a dear, dear friend and to encourage her heart the way she has so often encouraged mine.

His grace met my heart today, and there is nothing ordinary about that. He smoothed away a bit more of me, making room for more of Him. That is extraordinary.

And so today I am changing the header on my blog. This is no longer “a glimpse at my quirky, mundane, blessed little world”… because there is nothing mundane about this world. There is nothing mundane about this breath in my nostrils, or heart beating with such passion in my chest, or mind firing off thoughts faster that I can record them… this is an extraordinary world. Full of possibilities.  Ripe with potential.  This is a life saturated by His grace. And that’s amazing.

Praying for you, friend, who feels dulled by the predictability of it all. The ordinariness of life. I understand. I have been there.  And so I am praying that you will encounter Him in a fresh way today… that your eyes will be awakened to the extraordinary grace that pours into each day He has given you, the love He has for you, the mercy He has extended to you. Praying that He will open your eyes, as He did mine… to this magical opportunity we have to find grace in the everyday. 

30: God

Today I am thankful for my Father who loves... for the Son who climbed a tree for me... and the sweet, sweet Holy Spirit who brings power and conviction and strength.

I can't think of any other way to wrap up this 30-days of Thanks... but to thank the One who is my all in all. The One through whom all of those other things were made and given to me. The One who looked into our human condition, and seeing that we could not overcome the stain of sin on our own, entered one of these frail frames to bring reconciliation to the world. To me. To my family and my friends. 

I cannot wrap my finite human mind around a God so big that He could speak this universe into existence, yet so personal that He would choose to inhabit this temple.

How is that possible? 

Oh but it is. And it is everything. 

This is my life. He is the One who has ravished my heart and caused me to chase hard after Him. He is the One who picks me up when I fall, and gently turning my face back towards His reminds me that He is all that matters. He brings strength to the weak, joy to the mourning, peace to the storm. 

He is enough. 

I have written about 29 things that I am thankful for this month... but if any or all of those were taken from me... He is enough. He is enough when the bank says no to the loan. He is enough when the business fails. He is enough when the child is sick. He is enough when the spouse is taken. He is enough when the health is failing. He is enough when the struggles are hard. He is enough when the reputation is questioned. Whatever you are facing today... He is ENOUGH.

Do you really believe that? 

For many years, I have professed that He is enough... and then lived my life clinging to things of this world as though they would somehow supplement His enough-ness. 

In Him we have a Father who is creator, sustainer, provider. In Him we have a Jesus who is lover, bridegroom, Prince of Peace. In Him we have a Spirit who is counselor, comforter, keeper. That is enough.

All of those things I have clung to with white knuckles and fearful heart are by their very nature... temporary. Ethereal. Vapor. It's like grasping at a cloud that will pass through this way but once. But He is eternal. He is the rock. He is the One you can count on. 

Even when He, in His wisdom, requires the highest sacrifice.

I can't tell you why God required my Daddy when I was only twelve years old. But I know that God is good, He is always good, and His ways are good... and so I trust Him. I can't explain why sometimes children are not allowed a childhood. But He is good. He is enough. I don't know why businesses must fail, even when you have labored in prayer for a miracle. But He is good. I don't know why cancer ravages. But He is good. You can trust Him. 

All these are but a blink on the face of time while He is eternity. He is enough.

I pray that He is enough for you today. That regardless of what you are facing in your life, you will cling to the One that will last. That you will seek Him as the prize of your life... really seek Him. 

For far too long I said He was enough, but I didn't live my life that way. I lived my life seeking the comfortable way. The self-preserving way. As He has opened my eyes to the real condition of the church, I have seen that I am not the only one. 

Dig deep, church. Look into your heart and ask yourself... is He really enough? He wants to be enough for you, He wants to be your everything.  He has given His all so that He could be... so come with me, let's start walking in it...! Let's live a life empowered by His enough-ness. Really trusting Him for who He says He is! Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Three in One, ministering to your heart. 

You can trust Him.

He is enough.

29: the Word

I write in my Bible. A lot. It bugs my husband some... all of the various color of highlighters and ink pens and such. I am pretty sure it bugs my pastor too, especially when I insist on telling him how many times he has preached from the same passage (I do encourage him that he has had fresh revelation every time though!). It does not bug my daughter, who has decided she is a Bible-margin-writer as well. She knows a good thing when she sees it.

If I have come to hear you speak, there is a small notation in my margin with your name on it. And a date.

If you have sent me a scripture that the Lord has spoken to your heart for me. There is a small notation in my margin with your name on it. And of course, the date.

When I read a chapter, I date it.

When the Lord speaks to my heart, I record His words and I date it.

When I have taught from a passage, I write down where and place it.

When He makes a promise to me, I write it in the back, and I date it. 

I can look back through my beloved, working-on-it's second binding, Bible and see the path He has led me down over the years.

Beside Romans 7:15 is the note "A turning point!"... and I so clearly recall taking my first feeble steps out of addiction. My heart encouraged by the fact that the Apostle Paul understood... 2000 years ago, he really understood. And that God knew my heart, and saw my struggle... and promised me in Romans 8:1 that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Even if I was still trying to work it all out.

1 Samuel 1:12-16 carry a date as well. And a note about a time I was feeling very misunderstood by a spiritual leader in my own life. I identified with this woman whose priest did not recognize her own pain or earnest seeking of the Lord. 

Galatians 5 bear the notes of one learning what it was like to live a life of freedom, a life in the Spirit.

Malachi 1:10 the revelation that God desires so much more than our feeble sacrifices... He wants our best, He wants our all, and anything less does not satisfy our jealous God!

The challenging word He has spoken to me in Ezekiel. The love story He tells in the Song of Solomon. The cries of a ravished heart sang in the Psalms. The doubts of the saints. His Word, spoken to my heart to encourage, challenge, refine, grow, convict, love...

Hebrews 4:12 says For the word of God is living and active... 

And it is. It is a living, breathing thing, meeting us exactly where we are. Have you ever had that experience? Crying out to Him, then opening the Word to have Him answer your question... directly?

Feeling insecure before preaching at my church the first time, I told Him that I was in over my head. He was clearly confused when He called me to this. He took me to Isaiah 50:4 and I read "The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught"... What are the chances? Isn't He good? Isn't He generous? Time and again I have had these experiences in the scriptures!

His Word is life-giver and life-sustainer. It is our milk and our meat. It is our daily bread. We need it to survive.

So why in the world, when we are feeling weakest, is it the first thing we neglect?

This is not me pointing a finger at you, dear friend... this one is for me. 

In the margin of my Bible I have noticed a pattern develop over the last few years. A season of isolation, of feeling less-than, being on the outside looking in... and it seems to happen about this time of year. Call it seasonal-affective disorder, the holiday blues, or good old-fashioned spiritual warfare... the result is the same. And although I know the Word is what I need, even more than I need water or food, I have again found myself neglecting those pages I hold so precious. 

And today, as I shared my heart with a dear friend, she asked one simple question. It was a question my heart wanted to hear. "Are you still in the Word lately?" 

I needed that so badly! I had already began righting my ship, opening the Word and reading even when I didn't feel any specific direction while doing so... but there is something about knowing that she's going to ask me tomorrow how much I read tonight. There is also something about being purposeful in my study... I feel better already.

I know this time of year is hard for many of you. Perhaps you find yourself wrestling with depression, grief, abandonment, loss, isolation... my question for you... Are you still in the Word lately? If not, go there. I promise you, He will meet you there...

28: the chase

Last week my daughter and excitedly made our way to a local hospital to take in the sight and sound and feel of a newborn baby. 

There is simply nothing that compares to new life.

I can still feel his velvety soft skin against my cheek. The weight of promise in my arms. The joy when he would peek open an eye and peer into my own.

Brand new.

His entire life spreading out before him. Promise. A hope and a future.

I thought of this precious little gift as we studied the life of Saul-to-Paul tonight at Bible Study. That moment of new life found on the road to Damascus.  From darkness to light. From light to lightbearer.

I reflect on my own life made new in Christ. That time as a baby Christian, completely dependent on my Father. Spiritual milk my only nourishment for far too long… then… those first fumbling attempts to feed myself. What a mess I made of that! So many mistakes… yet I think that my Father smiled as He looked upon my sticky hands seeking to do His will.

Those times that my Father went to the other side of the room, and with an encouraging smile beckoned me to “come”… and stumbling, reaching, I made my way toward Him. Each time going a bit farther, so I must look harder, traverse more obstacles, learn more, be refined.  

Sometimes He must let go of our hand so we can learn to chase after Him.

I am chasing. And though at times He feels far off, I know that His eyes glisten with joy as He hears my footsteps coming ever nearer, nearer, nearer… 

Tonight I am thankful for the chase. I am thankful for the road from darkness to light... and from light to lightbearer. I am thankful that I can look back and see growth... yet look forward and see where He has yet to take me.

And I am thankful that I can be fully present in the season He has me in now. That I can rejoice in who He has created me to be.  That I can trust the process... and enjoy the chase.

21: our cat, echo

As you know, tonight I was sharing a bit of the who-I-was at a women's revival... so while I was away I asked Tali if she wanted to do a guest blog based on a conversation we had a couple of days ago. As you can see below, she was more than happy to oblige... hope it blesses your heart...

We have this cat named Echo. Yes we love him to death but he just wants love and to be noticed. He is a gray striped cat and very cute. We love him, but sometimes he loves us too much.

My mom and I were driving on our way to Evansville. We were trying to think up some blog ideas. I said some things, my mom said some things. I finally said the cat! My mom kind of stared at me for a while. She finally said, “How can I say I am thankful for that annoying cat?” So this is what I said,

“Well Echo nudges at us, meows too much; even while you are on your computer he goes and sits right down on the keyboard.”  She still didn’t get what I was saying and I bet some of you don’t. So I told her the point; Echo is like Jesus. I know what some of you are thinking; a cat, like Jesus? She said, “How is Echo like Jesus?” I said, “Jesus always wanting our love and to be noticed. Jesus sometimes will nudge at us saying listen to me do as I say.” My mom got the idea. She liked so much she let me blog about it! I hope you liked this blog. 

20: where i've been

I look back over the whole of my life and I see many mistakes. I see choices that the me of today would tell the me of yesterday to make differently. I see hard roads that could have been easier. Easy paths chosen when the difficult one would have been better.

Yet tonight I am thankful for those places I have been. I am thankful for the layers of me that there are. The way those decisions of yesteryear became who I am today. 

I am thankful for a God who takes a mess, and makes a message.

Tomorrow I will be sharing a bit of the who-I-was. And it won't be easy. It will be history spoken outloud, some of it for the first time. 

But He has asked me to. And if I say I trust Him with my lips, I need to live like I trust Him with my life. Sometimes that looks like the removal of a mask, and standing before a group of women completely transparent, vulnerable, naked. Tomorrow will feel very much like that.

It will also feel a lot like freedom.

And our God is so BIG, that I know the freedom is not just for me. But for someone else that He will speak to through my testimony... not because of my inadequate words, but because of HIS promise that there is POWER in our testimony. 

In the meantime, I covet your prayers that I will be able to speak with honesty and courage. 

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony... Revelation 12:11

19: encouragers

We stand a few feet apart... dreams and visions and hopes exchanged. We talk about the deep things of God, the plans and purposes He is calling us to. She encourages me. With a smile and a nod she lets me know that I am hearing Him right... she stands and listens as I rattle on about the million crazy things I am trying to sort out... and she doesn't seem to mind a bit. She is a person that I have let in on the secret desires of my heart because I know she can be trusted with them... not in a "trusted not to tell anyone" way... but in a "trusted not to shoot down my balloon" kind of way. I can trust her to support and encourage whatever wild-eyed scheme I have dreamed up. To brain-storm or to listen through my brain-storms (which is the way I figure most of my life out!). And to help in any way she can.

She listens to me like I imagine Jesus listening to me... eyes locked on mine, heart open, smiling with my enthusiasm and casting away the doubt when it creeps in.

You would think, by this description, that we have been friends for years and years. Not true in this particular case, but when God sets about binding hearts together, He can do so outside of the confines of time (because He's big like that!) And I'm so, so, so glad that over the last year He has truly gone about binding our hearts together!

I am thankful for this beautiful friend of mine... and the countless others like her that God has brought into my life! The women who encourage me, pray for me, brain-storm with me, work along side me... and love me right where I am at. I am thankful for the ones that I have known for decades, and the ones that I have only known a matter of months... and for the way that He has brought each into my life at just the right time. I am thankful for conversations held standing outside the church in the middle of the night, or in a garage on a crisp fall day, or via text during the day... And most of all, I am thankful for these women so gifted with encouragement... these ones who hold me up when I am feeling ill-equipped, full of doubt or less-than-the-call.

Do not ever underestimate the power of an encouraging word. So many times it is just the wind in the sails necessary to propel that boat of dreams to the horizon.

Thank you, friend, for spurring me on with your kind words and love. It's encouragers like you who give me the strength and the courage for the next step... whatever that may be... 

18: life interrupted (friday flashback edition)

Flashback to 2006... The Boyles' family had finally gone digital and I could not wait to photograph my kids with my new camera. Tali didn't mind playing the part of model, so she put together a stylin' outfit and we set out for a front-yard-photoshoot... when this happened...

Zach circling in the driveway like a shark as Tali moved from pose to pose when... zooooooom... he flies through at *just* the right moment. These were literally among the very first pictures ever taken with that brand spanking new camera...!

Can't you hear the sound effect he's clearly making? I can't say for sure, but I'm sure it's a squealing-burnout-kind-of-sound. And the full out JOY on his face! This is NOT the picture I was hoping to get... but boy am I glad that I did. 


Yesterday was Zach's birthday... I just can't believe my little man is already 9 years old. One more year til double digits. I sat at his birthday dinner thinking about the day I found out I was pregnant with him...

Jim and I knew we wanted a second child. We both wanted a little boy even. We didn't want our kids to be too far apart. But the day we found out he was coming it was still a bit of a shock.

Okay, it was a LOT of a shock.

Financially we were in a mess. Our Tali was only 14 mos old at the time and it felt so soon. Our two bedroom house didn't feel big enough. We thought we would be in a better place. We were doing okay with one child but... two? How could we afford it? How would it work? How would we have enough space.

Our life was... interrupted.

It wasn't necessarily what we had penciled into our life's agendas... but much like the pictures above, Zach interrupted at just the right moment.

So today, I am so thankful for a life interrupted by plans much bigger than our own. I'm thankful Someone knows what He is doing so much more clearly than I do. I'm so thankful for Zach, and the special relationship he and his sister have precisely because he came so soon. I'm thankful that they must learn to share and cooperate precisely because they share a bedroom. I'm thankful for the times he has slid his big wheel right through a photoshoot, watched Toddlers and Tiaras with his sister, made us laugh with unexpected jokes.

Today I'm thankful for a life... interrupted in the most beautiful way imaginable.

16: sonshine kids

Church hall alive with the footsteps of children. The aroma of turkey and all the fixin’s wafting up from the kitchen. Big kids helping little ones with plates of food.  Boys being reminded to keep their hands to themselves.  Children sitting in groups talking about their day.

It’s Thanksgiving Dinner at SonShine Kids. I wish you could see the smile on those kids faces as they pull apart the adorable turkey treats Carla made (a sweet dessert of oreos, reece’s, candy corn… all fashioned into little turkeys!)  Four hours in her kitchen devoured in minutes… ahh but for these kids to know that someone delighted in them enough to fashion such an elaborate snack. It is worth it. The giggles as I attempt to convince them that they are held together with hot glue… but they know better.  They know this is a place that loves.

The shy grin when I ask my little friend why she didn’t save me a seat. And the electric smile when she finds me at another table and slides into the chair next to me. Shining eyes peering at me from a dirty face… a face that has broken my heart and caused me to love.

A tap on my shoulder. Another little friend sneaking up beside me. She stands there, not saying a word. She seeks attention, but is too shy to speak first. I ask if she has my hug… and she does. She always does. We talk about school. She reminds me again who her teacher is. Looking her in the eye. For the moment she is the only one of importance. It’s a small gift… yet she looks for it week after week.

Songs sung.  Our Pastor leading us through the motions. Little kids with arms raised high.  Lessons on self-control. Games played. Tickets earned and names drawn.

I am so thankful for this incredible, beautiful, rag-tag group of kids God has entrusted us with at SonShine Kids. The bellies and souls that we get to feed.

It is not always easy. Boys can be rowdy. Girls can be needy.  We have had our fair share of sick kids and messes to clean up.  Children that only know attention of the negative sort. Kids piled in the van sometimes lead to a bloody nose.

But when you see volunteers cleaning that child up with such great love… and then wrap him in a brand new coat to replace the soiled one.  Coats on hand, for just such a time as this…

It’s worth it.

When you see entire families step into relationship with Christ because a van driver took the time to bring their kids to SonShine Kids week after week, for years… it’s worth it.

When a little girl slips beside you on a metal folding chair, because she knows that you care… it’s worth it.

When a child seeks you out each week for a hug… it’s worth it.

When bright blue eyes and freckled faces call to you in the grocery store... it's worth it.

When bellies are full, and songs are sung, and Jesus is taught… it’s worth it.

When my heart is broken and molded and changed by these incredible little souls who blossom and bloom in this place that loves…

It’s so, so, so worth it.

Some think that the high callings are those of pastors, or teachers, or missionaries… and certainly that is true…

But I think the highest callings are those of soft hands holding Kleenex to a bleeding nose.  Hours in a kitchen fashioning turkeys out of cookies and candy.  New winter coats.  Mashed potatoes and corn and green beans. Van drivers drowning in noise as they navigate city streets.  Bent knees before dirty faces.  

Ministering to the very heart of Jesus. What higher calling can there be? 

“The King will reply… 'whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me…'” [Matthew 25:40]

15: the little things (2)

I saw a family featured on a talk show today. This husband and wife so longed for children to fill their home, yet the children did not come. Coming to terms with the painful reality of infertility, they began the process of seeking out children that were as desperate for a home, as they were for children. Their search took them all the way to Ghana, to three brothers whose eyes peered into their souls through a computer screen.

The adoption process finalized, they traveled to Ghana to pick up their sons. Children desperate for a home. Yet the oldest did not want to leave his best friend to the hopeless life of an orphan in Africa. He begged his new mother to adopt his friend as well... his friend offering the following arrangement...

"if I eat only one meal a day, and clean your house, would you come back and be my mother too?"

Friends, if that does not break your heart... then what will? This beautiful, dark child who was more than happy to work his way into a family. Of course, this couple returned for the boy. He sat on the stage with them in his crisp, striped dress shirt, smiling with white teeth and declaring his hope of becoming a professional soccer player.

But how many more like him are sitting in orphanages in Ghana. Haiti. Ethiopia. Russia. China.

How many children like him are in America, bounced from foster home to foster  home to foster home. Every time hoping and praying that this will be the one. This will be the place that loves.

I cannot stop thinking about yesterday's blog. I cannot stop thinking that I did not take it quite as far as God was asking. That He requires more than that we would recognize our arrogance... that He is seeking people who are actually willing to do something. That when we have postured our hearts to be broken by the things that break His... we would do something about the need we see.

All day He has whispered the verses we find in Ephesians and James...

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no man can boast. [Ephesians 2:8-9]

Just as that young boy could not work his way into an American family by sacrificing meals or cleaning the house, neither can we work our way into Heaven simply by sacrificing things or doing good works. It is by grace that we have been saved, grace which is a free gift of God. Grace which brings freedom. Grace which brings life. Our faith in Him opens the portal of grace so that it can flow freely over us... through us. The recipient of grace knows that He has received a gift, and knows that the only boasting that can be done is in the goodness of our beautiful Savior.

But then...
What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. [James 2:14-17]


If you have truly received the gift that brings eternal life... what then should your response be? When the awesome realization washes over you that Jesus Christ entered this world as a man, and climbed a tree on Calvary just so you could be reconciled to Him... just so you could know Him... just so you could have life and have life to the fullest... just so you could walk in freedom... just so you could live this life in the light of eternity... what then should be your response? To tell the hungry "Go in peace, keep warm and well fed"?  To see a need, and then wait for someone else to meet it?

But someone will say "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is only one God. Good! Even the demons believe that-and shudder. [James 2:18-19]


Faith, belief, relationship is more than just lip service. It's more than saying "I believe". After all, no one knows the reality of a just God more than the demons... they believe in Him, they know there is only one God... and they shudder with the knowledge. Knowing is not enough. The fruit of our faith is born out in our lives. Lives lived set apart. Lives lived differently. Lives that cry out for more of Him and less of ourselves (John 3:30).  Lives that are willing to do something radical, just because He called us to it.

And so tonight, He is asking you (He is asking me)...
Are you willing? Are you willing to pay Him more than just lip service, and instead love His children the way that he does? Are you willing to be His hands and feet in this lost and dying world? Are you willing to open your eyes to a need, and then do something to meet it?

Ezekiel 16:49 reads "And this was the sin of your sister Sodom; She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy" 


Read that scripture again. The sin of Sodom that aroused the anger of God, which required that the city be destroyed... was not the sexual sin of the city (as I had always thought)... it was that they did not help the poor and the needy. When God looked onto that city which is synonymous with gross depravity and sin... He saw a people who were overfed... arrogant.... and unconcerned.

He saw a people who were overfed while others starved... my serving at the Mexican restaurant tonight was literally enough to feed an entire family. Over 33% of Americans are obese. That's over 100 million people that are overfed while 5 million children a year die from malnutrition. Overfed.

He saw a people who were arrogant, seeing only their own selfish desires over the need and hurt of others... today I spent $18 eating out... while over one billion people in the world live on less than $1.25 a day. Someone's two week's salary went toward a couple of meals for just me today... and I threw half of that food out.  Arrogant.

He saw a people who were unconcerned, turning a blind eye to the gross need of others... did you know that American Christians spend $20 billion a year on soft drinks, while $13 billion would feed every hungry person in the world. That's American Christians who value their Diet Coke over a starving child. Unconcerned.

I don't want to be that guy.

And now that our eyes are open to the need, I pray that you don't either. So let's do SOMETHING. 


Here are some organizations that you can support... today. Where the dollars a day you will likely not even miss will have life changing impact. 

Compassion International  One of the most well known and respected child sponsorship organizations. If you want to know the impact child sponsorship has... read Ann Voskamp's blog here. I read this the other day and wept thinking about a sponsor's picture hanging in the lonely bedroom of a boy abandoned to the jungle.

The Water Project One of many organizations working to bring clean water to Africa. Put down that Diet Coke and bring life giving water to the thirsty!

Touch a Life Foundation  The heart's work of Pam and Randy Cope who are working tirelessly to free children who have been enslaved on Lake Volta in Ghana. Sign up to sponsor a child's room and board, or education, or BOTH. You can also support this organization through a local "Find Your Mark" chapter in Shoals, Indiana. Contact Christy Farhar at Uofkwldcatfan@aol.com for information. She would love to hear from you. Or you can click on my tab that goes to Kidz 4 Freedom... you can buy some super cute duct tape hair bows and pens and all the proceeds will go to Touch a Life!

The Mercy House A maternity home in Kenya which offers young pregnant women a safe place to bring their children into the world, all the while teaching them about the grace of Christ, parenting, and job skills. You can shop the Mercy Store or offer monthly donations to this very worthwhile cause.

And the list doesn't end there. Those are just a very few that He has put on my own heart to support or start supporting. There is so much more... so whatever your passion... whatever your heart has broken for... there is a way to get involved. Prayerfully consider opening your home to one of the thousands of children in foster care. Or if you can't do that, consider becoming a CASA so that you can be the voice of a child in the foster care system. [I've linked to Indiana's Child Advocate Network, but if you aren't in Indiana, I am sure there is one in YOUR area. Just see my good friend Google for details.]  Seek out your local crisis pregnancy center. They are always underfunded, undervolunteered, underadvertised. Offer young women in your communities healthy choices when faced with unwanted pregnancies. Find a Bound4Life chapter near you (or START ONE if there aren't any!) and become purposeful in interceding for the lives of unborn children. Donate to the local Meals on Wheels program that bring meals into the home of the aged and disabled. Clean out your closets and donate the excess to a local homeless shelter, or Salvation Army, or Goodwill, or church. Pick up extra the next time you are at the grocery store for your local food pantry.

Whatever it is...
do something.

This Thanksgiving, can we as a Body do more than just give thanks? Instead can we be a people willing to give radically out of our abundance? It's important to give thanks... don't get me wrong... but once we have recognized how blessed we truly are, how can we then turn a blind eye to those in desperate need?

He is asking us to put feet to our faith... are you willing?

10: tali sue

It started with an email from her teacher in the morning… “Just wanted to let you know…”

That evening, as she was getting ready for bed there was finally time to ask her about it.

“So, how was school today?”

Immediately, big brown eyes became pools of tears glistening in the soft glow of the lamp. Bottom lip quivering she began to tell me about her day. About her friend at school who wanted to compare science answers to hers. How she felt when her teacher caught her.

“So you knew you were in trouble the moment she saw you?”

Head bowed… “yes...”

“So you knew you were doing something wrong?”

A tear slips down her cheek… “yes…”

“I see.”

The silence hung between us.  I asked God to give me the words that would refine rather than condemn. Her lesson was learned.  Her punishment at school appropriate. An “F” on the assignment she worked so hard on the night before, and worse… she was not allowed to teach her weekly Bible Study during recess.

“We are held to a different standard, you know…” And she nods.

She knows.

And I am so thankful for that. My beautiful Tali Sue… not perfect, but like all of us… she is working on it. I didn’t have to grill her to get the truth, she just let it spill out of her, as though she knew confession would be good for her soul.  And it was.

Knowing that at some point this month, I would write about Tali… I could never have imagined what the writing prompt would have been.  I’ve never had a call or an email or a note from a teacher like that before.  Especially not for Tali… yet it was a reminder to me that she really is just a little girl, trying to figure out this world.  What it looks like to live set apart.

That the same little girl that sits every evening making duct tape bows that save children out of slavery, can get caught cheating in school. That the little girl who knows all of the answers in Sunday School, sometimes slips on the answers in life. That the little girl that would choose to go to a prayer meeting over a birthday party, sinks into step with the world sometimes.

But how I love her heart. How I love her desire to serve, to care for others, to be a friend. How I love her transparency when I ask her “how was school today”… her giggle when I ask about her boyfriend… the way she dances her way through life… the way she looks at the world…her quick wit... her confidence… her beautiful, beautiful spirit…

How I love her passion for Jesus, and her boldness to share Him with others.   How I love her willingness to be changed and refined by Him. Her desire to be set apart… even if she is still learning to walk that out.

Beautiful, sweet spirited Tali Sue... I love you. And you know what else... Jesus does too.