did you miss me?

where have i been, you ask? how is it that i've only made one brief post since 4/28? i know, i know... these are the burning questions that have kept you awake at night... so let's take a look at my recent life

4/29- typical crazy wednesday. work all day, get the kids from school, shopping for sonshine kids, then youth group bible study and turtle time. flags may or may not have been involved.

4/30- all day training/meeting at work. convince tali that it's okay to miss dance class. packing for departure to wisconsin tomorrow morning (by 6am no less).

5/1- wake up to realize it's 5:38. madness ensues. manage to get husband, two children, and self up and dressed and out of the house by 5:54. i've got mad skillz. leave for wisconsin. arrive safely to find we are staying in a "quaint" hotel on the property. we definitely did not refer to it as the bates motel. ever.

5/2- lovin' me some green lake.

5/3- leave green lake having caught the vision and having one of the most emotional, touching experiences with the amazing group of people God called for just such a time as this. meet a sweet kid named nate with the cutest accent at pizza hut. much discussion, singing, and sleeping on the van ride home. kudos to our driver, steve for getting us there and back safely. oh, and i'm fairly certain we were one of the most rowdy groups ever to haunt the terre haute steak 'n shake at 9pm on a sunday night.

5/4- gratuitous day off work to rest. blog post made on this date.

5/5- having missed dance class last week, definitely couldn't miss today. worked rear end off due to having been essentially off the road for three days in the last week.

5/6- another crazy weds. work. take brother to doctor's appointment. ask jennifer to cover me shopping and preparing for ssk tonight due to said appointment and having to leave for another training (for work this time). pack bags again. arrive at church in time to assist with meal. realize church clerk will not be showing up for business meeting, so as assistant stay to take minutes of the meeting. hug and kiss kids goodbye {again}. pick up mom and head to columbus, indiana. arrive safely at 9pm.

5/7- attend training on ministry with the elderly. so good. had an awesome supper that night with my mama and hit some outlet malls. enjoyed spoiling my family. thankful for seth's friend tom tom.

5/8- training ended on this day at 2:30pm. discover during the day that a client is in crisis. spend the entire two hour drive home on the phone trying to solve said crisis. little progress made. arrive home in time to pick up tali and zach from brookes, stop by the house and pack an overnight bag, and take zach immediately to his friend isaacs house for a sleepover. then go immediately to the jones' estate where we left to go to brock hancock's benefit dinner and auction.

5/9- spent some time running errands with the family and just chilling out. felt it was deserved at this point.

5/10- church and then tali's dress rehearsal for alice in wonderland in henderson, ky.

5/11- worked literally from 8:30am to 7:30pm this day with a couple of hour break in the middle. my job is not usually like this, but with so many days out and off for training, it was not avoidable today. by the time i got home i was feeling pretty cruddy- sinus icky and super tired.

5/12- definitely coming down with something but working anyway. dance class in the evening.

5/13- things are no good at all. not one bit. had a meeting in the morning and then stayed home and did case notes and such. by 3pm feeling really bad. called in favors and didn't even go to ssk or youth group or turtles. becky is ill.

5/14- home sick from work. was supposed to go to training, so glad i didn't. no dance class tonight, mommy was not feeling good. kids hanging out with jim at the ball park. thanks daddy :)

5/15- still not feeling good, but guilt for taking sick time forces me to another all day training and meeting. not a great idea. take pictures for the photo booth at the kids spring carnival... even worse idea.

5/16- dress rehearsal for alice in wonderland. in henderson, ky of course. home to sleep.

5/17- teach sunday school and then head out for the performance of alice. the show was beautiful. becky was dog tired. out to eat with our bffs afterward. not home til 9pm.

5/18- still sick and realizing it's really "something". call doctor. see him at 3pm. bronchitis and three prescriptions. not able to breath and hanging out on the couch.

5/19- still no good. bronchitis plus migraine. skip dance.

5/20- feeling human again! yay! worked hard today, then did the typical crazy wednesday night routine. lovin' life.

5/21- dance class tonight- last one for the summer.

5/22- kid's last day of school. awards. open house for work in bloomfield. graduation at the high school. proud of tyson :)

5/23- picking strawberries with the family. zach's ball practice. preparing strawberries and catching up on three weeks worth of missed tv.

5/24- today. and now, having typed all that, i am exhausted all over again and you are completely bored! LOL

as crazy as it's been, i can't help but reflect on this month and how incredibly blessed i am. my job is amazing. my church family is truly a beautiful thing. i am so lucky to have two amazing kids who are passionate about the things they love (dance and baseball). a husband who will wisk the kids away when he knows i need the peace and quiet to rest. the opportunities to continue to learn and grow. and that even though i was really sick, how infrequently that happens to any serious degree!

so there, you are all caught up! i will try to get some pics up here or on facebook... but that's only if i can pick up my internet signal from the ball park :)

on. the. verge.

We used to watch Deal or No Deal all of the time, and occasionally I still catch the daytime version of it. On today's show, this guy was playing for his retirement. He had two big dollar amounts left on the board, and it was crucial that he keep both in. The tension was building. Howie Mandell was pacing. The contestant was wringing his hands. The girl standing at the suitcase was nervous, clearly feeling that the content of her case was somehow her own personal responsibility. The lighting was dramatic, as was the music. The focus of the entire audience was on the girl with the case. Suspense was mounting. And then Howie said the magic words...

"Open your case".... and immediately turning his attention to the camera he said... "after this commercial break".

The entire audience, myself included, let out a collective groan.

Why you treat me like this, Howie?

It's the hardest place to be... right on the verge of something... the moments before the big reveal... having an incredible surprise for someone(s) you love and having to keep it quiet... at least through this commercial break. I feel like that's where I am right now. Right on the verge of something big. Just on the edge of a mighty move of God. And He's saying... "I'm going to show off big time"..... "right after this commercial break".

C'mon God. Why you do this to me?

Thoughts from Wim Hoff.

I know what you are thinking, who in the world is Wim Hoff? And why should I care what he's thinking? Well in brief he is this Dutchman that goes running around on the sides of mountains in nothing but a pair of shorts and occasionally, sandals. I saw a documentary about him last night on Discovery. They called him "The Iceman" because of his uncanny ability to withstand temperatures for periods of time thought impossible for humans. He once spent 1 hour and 17 minutes packed in ice, remaining alert the entire time. He's even taken a stab at Mt. Everest wearing nothing but his shorts and sandals. Which again begs the question, why do I care what he's thinking? Well, I will tell you... during the course of his interview last night he said something that I had to write down:

I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live.

You see he's faced quite a bit of eyebrows-raised-criticism for what some would think of as dangerous, frivolous, antics. But to him, running through ankle-deep snow in a pair of cotton shorts is living.

Now I'm certainly not advocating stripping to the bare essentials and jogging around in the snow, or even the sun for that matter. But this mantra of his, "I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live" got me thinking. It got me thinking about a story I recently read in the Bible. It's a story that has haunted me in a way, challenged me. You can find this story in Numbers 13-14. I encourage you to read it for yourself... but here it is New Revised Becky Paraphrase:

Almighty God has delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, parted the Red Sea, protected them during their passage through the dessert, met them on a mountain, fed them from His very hand... you get the idea. God has been there for His people. In every detail He has provided. He has not failed them a single time. He had proven Himself a trustworthy, faithful, generous God. And He has done all of this to deliver them into a land flowing with milk and honey.

Here we find the Israelites camped at the border of this Promised Land. God tells Moses to send in 12 leaders to scout the land and bring back to the people a report, and so they do. Among those sent are Caleb and Joshua. These twelve spies go into the land and when they return they bring with them fruit as evidence of the bounty of the land they have seen. They tell Moses and the Israelites "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey!" (13:27) You can picture it, can't you... "It's just like God said it would be! Look, here is the fruit of the vine... and it's everywhere!"

and then it comes.

the but.

"But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large." (13:28)

So human, huh? Out of the twelve that went, ten were convinced that the people inhabiting the lands were too large and powerful for them to overtake. The fatal flaw is that they didn't have to do it at all... their God would go before them and behind them! He had promised them this land and He had demonstrated Himself to be a Father who never breaks His promises! He had parted the sea on their behalf! What could He not do? But their faith was not in Him, it was in their own ability.

Dang it.

But there were two, Caleb and Joshua, who stood up to the crowd and proclaimed "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us." (14:7-9) They proclaim if God is for us, who can be against us!!! (Romans 8:31). They beg the Israelites to trust the God who had already shown up in so many ways, to trust that He would provide, to believe that He would go before them. They tore their clothes and cried out to the Israelites who were by this time in full freak-out mode.

Despite all He had already done for them, the Israelites could only see the obstacles. They were so sure they couldn't go any farther that they petitioned one another to choose a new leader and... hold on to your seats here... return to Egypt. Seriously! They wanted to return to slavery!

But Caleb and Joshua thought differently, and God said "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." (14:24) Caleb demonstrated the heart God would have us seek after- a heart that trusts in HIS promise and provision! And because Caleb had this heart, God said "I will bring him into My Promise!"

Boy do I ever want to be THAT guy.

But instead so many times we end up being the masses that writhe around in doubt and unbelief, the ones about whom God said: "As surely as I live, declares the LORD, I will do to you the very things I heard you say" (14:28). Over and over again God had heard them whine and moan that God had only brought them into this desert to die, over and over again God had heard them doubt His provision, over and over again He had witnessed their unbelief... and finally He said "That's it! I've had ENOUGH! I will give you exactly what you have asked for over and over and over again! Here! Have your death if that's what you want so badly!" And He declared that not one of the unbelieving Israelites would enter the Promised Land.

I do NOT want to be that guy.

I do not want to be the one that only sees the obstacles, and fails to see the one Who has already overcome those obstacles! I want to be CALEB. I want to be the guy that says "No! Don't turn around! Press on! With GOD all things are possible! He said He's going to do this, and He will!"

Now, some of you may be wondering, what in the world does this have to do with Wim Hoff? [and the rest of you, weary from this long post, have already forgotten all about him, right?] You see, Wim isn't afraid of dying... he doesn't see an obstacle... he sees an opportunity to LIVE.

My friend, if you are alive in Christ Jesus, you are ALIVE. You need not fear death, but relish every opportunity to live out your life in the light of His grace! We are going to face challenges- that's a promise... but take heart because each of those are an opportunity to shine, grow, and learn. Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds (James 1:2).

When I worked at Hartland I would often go into Steve's office with the proclamation "Steve, I have a problem"... to which he would promptly (and quite annoyingly) reply... "is it a problem or an opportunity?"

Steve, I get it now.

When the Israelites stood on the shores of the Red Sea, they saw an obstacle, and God saw a chance to SHOW OFF. When they cried in the desert that they were starving, their eyes were on the problem, but God used it as an opportunity to demonstrate His grace and provision. On their own, they could not have made it into the desert. On their own they could not make it through the desert. And on their own they would not make it into the Promised Land, but with God ALL THINGS are possible. And He eventually did lead a new generation into the land flowing with milk and honey.

When we face obstacles, we should be like Mr. Hoff, and Steve Hart, and Caleb... and instead of focusing on the problem look for the opportunity that lies within that problem. Who knows that God won't call any one of us home this very night? Who knows that we will live just another week, or month, or year? That, my friends, doesn't scare me at all... what scares me is the thought of not living a life devoted to Him in the meantime.

I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live.

Submission is...

Scary blog title, huh? It's okay, you aren't going to have to sit through my definition today! But God has given me a testimony about this topic, and some day I look forward to sharing it!

The last two days I have listened to a broadcast from Beth Moore by Focus on the Family entitled Embracing God's View of You Marriage. It's been SO good. If you go to the Focus on the Family website you can listen to this two part series online. To find them I did a search on their site for "Beth Moore" and this broadcast was first on the list... or you can see if this link works [no guarantees, folks... and this is only for the first half. the link appears to be broken for the second half so you'll have to go through their site to find it].

http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001921.cfm

It honestly doesn't matter if you are or are not married- if you are in a relationship you should listen. There's a lot more to the message than Biblical submission, so go and listen.

But this is the quote that sealed the package with a little bow for me. I love it...

Submission means learning to duck, so God can hit your husband.
-Beth Moore

I want to know You

Exodus 33:7-23
7 Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the "tent of meeting." Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp... 9 As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the LORD spoke with Moses. 10 Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. 11 The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

12 Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."
14 The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." ...
18 Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

I love, love, love, love this passage of scripture. There is so much here about the kind of relationship God wants us to have with Him... and the richness of relationship He is ready to pour out to those willing to receive Him, for those willing to surrender to Him and His will.

There is a lot here, and could go on and on about these verses, but I want to focus in on a couple of key points. First, in verses 10-11 we see three different reactions to God's presence. Moses enters boldly and there he talks to God face to face, like a friend talks to a friend. Now we know that he didn't LITERALLY stand before an infinite God, looking at His face and having a conversation (see verse 20)... but this means that they talked intimately. Directly. That Moses asked and God answered. But what about the others in the community? Did they enter boldly? No... instead they stood at the openings of their own tents and bowed down. They watched Moses enter God's presence and then worshipped the LORD vicariously through him. And the one who was there with Moses, Joshua, never left the tent... He just stayed there in God's presence all of the time. I'm sure Moses would have stayed in the tent if he could have... but he knew the calling of the LORD, he knew that he had to GO and DO.

Think about that for a bit. Think about who you are. Nothing in this scripture says that what the Israelites or Joshua did is wrong, so be honest with yourself. Are you like Moses, entering the presence of God boldly, talking with him like you do your BFF? Then taking His Word to the world and leading them back to His presence? Or are you Joshua, the one who soaks in the presence of the Almighty God but never leaves the tent to share what he's experienced with others? Maybe you are among the many standing in the entrance of your own tents, unwilling [timid? unworthy? afraid?] to approach Him on your own, living vicariously through the ones who tell you how good it can be? Where are you when it comes time to worship the Almighty God?

It's comfortable to stay in the doorway of your tent. And of course it's great fun to be Joshua, basking forever in His presence. But studying this passage of scripture again I’m challenged by what Moses’ response to God is… he meets with Him face to face and then he takes God from the tent to the people. He enters the presence, he soaks in all that God has to offer him, and then he goes and acts as God's hands and feet in his community.

That doesn't mean that experiencing God personally, intimately, powerfully is a bad thing. That doesn't negate the importance of having God Encounters on a regular basis. It just means we have work to do too! Our friend, Moses had an unquenchable thirst for God and His presence. Despite the fact that he was with God for 40 days on the mountain, met with Him regularly in the Tent of the Meeting, talked to God directly and intimately… He still hungered for MORE. And in verse 18 he makes one of the most bold statements we’ll find in scripture… God agrees to go with Moses and Moses responds by asking...

Now show me your glory.

He wanted more. No matter how much he knew of God, he wanted to know more. Just before this request, Moses said to God "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." Moses clearly knew the Lord, many times he has experienced the power, might, and intimacy of the great I Am. In fact we just read a verse before that he met with God as a man meets with his friend, yet he was wise enough to understand that no matter how much he knew about God, there was always more to know. No matter how well he understood the ways of God, there were still things to learn. So BOLDLY (you agree it's bold, don't you?) he asks God... Show me your glory! I want more! I want a new revelation! I want to experience another facet of Who You Are! Show me your glory!!!

I have had some pretty amazing God Encounters. I have studied His character in His words and deeds. I know my Abba, Father. I love my Savior. I walk daily in the Spirit... yet this knowledge of mine is like a drop in the ocean of the vastness of His personhood. We have to remember that there's always more to know, that God will never fit into our narrow, human definitions... no matter how comprehensive we think that definition is, God won't fit into it. So we need to expect that this big, big God will act on us, and in us, in ways that we cannot understand or comprehend! Are you willing to surrender to that? Does your heart burn with a passion for Jesus? Does it burn with a passion to know Him more?

[btw for a great sermon on that topic go here to listen to Seth's sermon from Sunday. click on Burning Heart. it's sooooo good.]

We need to cry out to God, teach me your ways so I may know you! We should desire to talk to Him face to face! We should have a heart for taking His Word to the people... and then leading His people into His place of promise! And even after we have experienced his power and might and intimacy over and over and over... we should cry out to Him... show me your glory!

And guess what... He will.

Freedom in Worship

Loved this blog by my Turtle Sister, Jennifer...
Go.
Read.
Be Challenged.

Freedom in Worship

Prayers Please

One of my coworkers husband has been having severe medical issues for the last year... and was just recently placed on a transplant list for a multiple visceral transplant...

Well they got "The Call" today and he was just taken back into surgery! He will be receiving SEVERAL organs and the surgery is expected to last 8-12 hours.

Please be praying for Brock, his wife Brenda, daugther Sydney and the doctors.

Also pray for the family that is suffering great loss today so that Brock may go on to experience life.