say what?

sitting at the computer, i heard zach laughing and yelling as tali chased him through the house... this is what i overheard next

tali- AAAaaAAAaaAAAAHHHhhHHhhHhhHHHhH!!!!!! [as she catches zach]

zach- oh man, i hate wedgie night.

tali- shoot!

zach- oh well, you can do wedgie night tomorrow.

tali- yeah, since i didn't get your underwear on that one.

they then walked together into their bedroom, sat down, and chatted about whatever was on tv.

as i looked on in utter confusion.

Amazing

As we drove in to have supper tonight, I clicked off the "Jesus music" in the car and switched over to 89.1 for Jim. The kids were so wound up, that it really wasn't until much later, when we stopped for gas on our way home, that we could even hear anything coming through those little speakers... Suddenly Tali pipes in "Mom, is this a good song?" Listening for a minute I realized that, in fact, it wasn't a great song for the kids and answered her accordingly. "Well, where's our church music then?" I love that Tali and Zach both dig on mommy's Christian music... but am more than aware that at times it rubs a little thin on my man. And as he was currently pumping gas in single digit temperatures, I felt a little compromise was in order.

However, as he climbed back in the truck, she asked again - this time getting specific... "Mommy, can you play number 15?" Aaaah, number 15. That may work. You see my friend Carol accidentally stuck a song on the end of my Third Day cd (technically she gave me a cd intended for someone else I think). She wasn't even aware that she had done so until I mentioned it at a much later date. The song found at number 15 is My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust. It's a song that Roger, Courtney, and Jonathan sing frequently (and beautifully), one that Jim has heard them perform twice now, and one that he really likes.

A glance at him told me that he was okay with the genre change. I start the song and look out the window, praising the Lord that somehow He has managed to carve out this moment for our family. To speak to my hubby through this powerful song. To bring us closer together, and to continually woo us into His will.

And then the chorus hit...
First came Tali's voice, strong and proud. Then I could hear Zach singing with all his might.
And finally, I realized Jim was singing too. Quietly at first, but then building.

At first I could just sit there, still looking out the window, afraid to look at Jim and mess up the moment. I had tears in my eyes and a heart nearly exploding with the beauty of it all. I know, it's just a song... I know it's not that big of a deal to some... But I have never had the joy of hearing my family sing praises to the Lord together before. Not all three of them. Never.

In fact, there was a time that I couldn't even imagine it happening. But I'm not skilled to understand... what God has willed what God has planned.... So I thanked God. I thanked Him and thanked Him and thanked Him...

And then I sang too. And it was a thing of beauty.


My Savior, My God. Aaron Shust
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on High
And come for sinful men to die
You count it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is,
My God He's always gonna be (x6)

My Savior lives, My Savior loves
My Savior lives, My Savior loves

friday flashback

A good friend of mine suggested I share this story [for many of you- again] as a Friday Flashback. It's a fun story, but one with a point as well, so it seemed like a great idea. Then, this morning our fabulous church secretary called to let me know Tali will be the scripture reader and to provide me with the passage... which, of course, fit perfectly with the already requested story. So there you have it, confirmation that I'm to blog this and proof that God loves to use my own embarassment to His glory.

A couple of years ago someone I love very much was in the midst of the most profound grief one can imagine, and he asked a favor of me- "Could you run to the liquor store and pick up a case of beer"? Uggggggh. I am not judging his desire to have a couple of beers during such a time as this (or any other time for that matter)... I just hate to be seen at the liquor store! No time to argue though, so I hopped in the car and away I went. No big deal.

Until a week later at SonShine Kids. I was the group leader for second and third graders and I loved those kids and I like to think that those kids loved me. We were getting ready to move from one station to the next and I had my group all lined up. The little girl in the front was one of my favorites (I know you aren't supposed to have those, but let's be real here, we all do)... she was from somewhat of a rough home, didn't have much materialistically but had a love for Jesus and the sweetest heart. What happened next is inscribed in my memory to the smallest detail, like a movie.

Looking up at me, with her sweet little voice, she said "I saw you at the liquor store".
"No, honey, I don't think that was me. I don't drink..." I answered with a confused expression on my face.
"Yes, it was you, and you had beer".
This is where that sinking feeling started in my gut. You know that feeling.
"Oh. Oh, honey... yes... that was me. I can't really explain that, but it wasn't for me..." To follow was some stammering and broken explanation that I was doing a favor for a friend. And conviction from the Lord... The World is Watching.

Dear Friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us. [1 Peter 2:11-12]

The world is watching... and God asks us to live our lives in such a way that even if they accuse us of doing wrong the lives we live will testify differently. Someone said recently- the best sermons are LIVED, not preached. So true! Are you living out your sermon?

Now, I have to honestly say, I probably wouldn't have changed going to the liquor store that day. The time and the requestor was such that it was not the appropriate time to argue about a case of beer, he was in the midst of grief at it's rawest form, so who am I? But the lesson in this for me was to always keep in mind that people are watching. If you profess to be a Christian, if you say that you are trying to be more like Jesus, they are watching. What do they see? Of course we are going to fall short of perfection, and there will be times we are "caught in the act"... but overall am I living a life worthy of the call? Am I living up to His command: "Be holy as I am holy"? When the world sees me, do they see a "peculiar" person (well, of course they do! but not THAT kind of peculiar!)? Do they see something different about me? Do they see Jesus?

This is what we are striving for, friends. We should be different. We should respond differently to the trials of this old world. We should behave differently. We should live our lives as aliens and strangers, because this world is not our home! We are called to something much greater... Now let's live like we believe it!!!

With Our Doors

A week or two ago I was perusing our church website. It's recently redesigned and so I was clicking all the links, checking out the spread, when I found a little error... the Sunday School class I teach, Without Walls, was incorrectly listed as "With Our Doors". At first I laughed, because this is a typically Seth typo [no offense, Seth, it's just the truth]... But as I emailed him about it, a hard truth began to settle in. I realized that as much as we as a Body strive for a life without walls... what we usually achieve is a life with our doors.

Doors that we open and close at will. Doors that we use to let people see what we want them to see. Even our best attempts at transparency, when we feel as though we are letting others see the dark side of our thought lives, can be veiled attemps to garner appreciation or affirmation or sympathy. I've done that. I've unloaded on someone and then said "just trying to be transparent"... but I really want them to see how bad I have it or how poorly I've been treated [at least in my own mind]. Ouch.

Instead of living in complete unity as Christ asked us to do, we build denominational walls. Walls of gender. Walls of age. Walls of beliefs. Walls of status. And once we realize the call of Christ and determine to tear down those walls... more often than not we just end up installing more doors. Right? Installing a door to let this group in... but that one is still a little "too fringe" for me. A door to let these people in, but let's keep it shut on those folks that are so "strict" in their beliefs. What about the walls we've built around people who have hurt us? Those within our own church family who have stepped on our toes? What kind of doors to you have installed to let them in on some parts of you, and keep them out of others?

And what about those outside the four walls of our church buildings? What about the lost and dying world we encounter every single day... How many walls do we have built there? How many friends do you have that are non-believers? How do you respond to brothers and sisters in Christ who have walked away from the faith? Jesus had no walls when it came to people... he taught in the synagogue and then ate with sinners. He met the demon-possessed and repentent with the same kind of grace. He still does. Do we?

And worst of all, are the doors we have installed in our relationship with Christ. Do you still have walls built around parts of your heart? Do you still have a door to the world, a place where you can go and visit at will without that pesky Jesus hanging over your shoulder? Hmmm? I do. Have you built a wall of justification around the sins in your life? I have!

I'm going to be transparent here. I don't like writing this right now! And I'm not looking for affirmation or sympathy or any of that. I'm telling you that this revelation has been MIGHTILY convicting for me. I'm not preaching at you friends, He's preaching at me. I've had this nagging thought since I read "with our doors"... and it's taken me at least two weeks to put this post to screen because therein lies the conviction.

I haven't torn down the walls in my life.

I have installed doors.

And I have comforted myself with the thought that with a nice big door- there's LESS wall there.

But there can't be a door without a wall, can there?

I do want to live a life without walls. I want to be transparent, honest, real... I want to get myself out of the way so that Jesus can do His work... in me and in this world. I want to live in unity with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to love this lost and dying world with the same passion Christ does. I want to mourn for those who don't know Him. I want to speak to the hearts hardened against Him. But mostly I want more of Him. I want to live FOR HIM. I don't want what this world has for me, because all it has is death and disappointment... but in Christ I find fulfillment and LIFE. Who would want to build a wall around THAT? And with more of Him, friends, the walls will come down. As we seek to become more like Christ we will stop installing doors and instead begin the work of steadily chipping away at the walls.

I am often reminded that one of the last things Christ asked the Father for in the Garden, was that we would live in unity. Why? So that the world would see that and KNOW that Christ was the real deal. And complete unity has no walls. It just can't. We may not get there this side of eternity friends, but Jesus is asking us to try... and the only walls we have control over are the ones we built ourselves. So lets start pecking away and then stand amazed as God moves!!!

how he loves me

• The oil in my truck- that he changes faithfully every 3,000 miles.
• The large Dr. Pepper- that he will stop and get me on his way home. The kind in the styrofoam cup with the good ice. The kind that is better than any other kind, that he has to go out of his way to get.
• The gas in my truck- probably pumped and paid for by him. He does so without grumbling or complaining, which is more than I can say for myself when I have to put gas into my own truck. He just checks the gauge and then pulls up to the pump.
• The couch- that he always lets me lay on in the evening. The one with the best view of the TV.
• The time away from home- mostly spent at church, grouping, or Emmaus functions. Time that he graciously allows me to have, guilt-free... to do what God wants me to do even though he really doesn't understand yet why I'm doing it. Even picking the kids up from church every Wednesday night without question or complaint so that I can "do my thing".
• The chicken salad- that he makes while making his own tuna salad. Because he knows I don't like tuna.
• The green pitcher in our fridge- always filled with semi-sweet tea made just for me. Just to my liking. Because I'm the only person I know that likes semi-sweet tea. So when he makes the Kool-Aid and the normal person tea, he also makes mine.

there are dozens more. probably hundreds. sometimes i don't appreciate them. others i don't even notice them. but tonight, as i sipped my dr. pepper, the one with the really good ice, i realized just how good i have it.

he may not always be the most romantic man in the world. and most of the time communication is NOT his strong point.

but he speaks his love in so many other ways... i just have to be sure i'm listening.

christmas 2008

It's been a blissfully busy Holiday Season and so I haven't been able to share nearly as many pictures and stories as I would have liked with you... so tonight I play catch up with our last six weeks, at a glance...


November 23rd
Our Christmas celebrations were officially kicked off with Tali walking in the Evansville Christmas Parade with her dance school. While she had a great time, she did learn that when walking in a parade in a city the size of Evansville, it's important to go with comfort over style- the boots, while adorable... not so good for walking about twelve [real] city blocks.

November 29th

Next stop, we continued our family tradition of going to the Christmas Tree farm on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This year we were blessed with an unseasonably warm day, which ironically made the tree-choosing process much more difficult. Face it, any tree is "good enough" when being pelted in the face with freezing raine. We ended up letting Tali choose this Griswold-sized tree, which she and Molly then helped drag to the shaking and bagging station. Cups of hot cocoa, bowls of chili, and dishes of the best cheesecake in the world quickly ensued.

November 29th, 7pm
We bring the tree into the house. It's nicely bound in this netting and doesn't look so bad at all in our living room. We're pretty proud of ourselves for not getting a tree taller than our ceilings this year... and then Jim cuts the net. I only wish I would have had a video camera running as the branches sprang into their original-God-given form, forcing Tali back several feet and smacking Jim in the face. Priceless. And huge. We all sat around and waited as Jim made a last minute trip to the store for more lights. That's right- we didn't even have enough lights to go around the monster. Once lit, and crammed [literally, crammed] back into the corner, decorating fun began. Tali, Zach, and Molly enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane as we went through our ornament box item by item.

December 5, 7, 13, and 14th
The next two weeks were spent travelling with Tali's dance school as they performed the Children's Nutcracker in Evansville, Lynnville, New Harmony, and Henderson. Tali is the beautiful ballerina holding the butterfly. I loved this new variation of the Chinese dance this- the Dragon was a beautiful shot of color and excitement on stage! This was also Tali's favorite part to dance. When we first chose to change studios, I was so worried about the road time. Since then, I've found our time on the road to be some of the best time Tali and I have to spend together. It's a special time filled with singing, conversations, questions, ice cream, Adventures in Odyssey, and a LOT of Misty Edwards.

December 21, 9am

Christmas Sunday, and Tali and Zach are looking dapper in their annual Christmas outfits from Mamaw Miller. She has always loved dressing the kids up, and this year she really outdid herself with their adorable matching outfits. Once dressed, my annual tradition of torturing my children in front of the Christmas Tree then began. Pictured above are the results of that torture session.

December 21st, 10:45am

It's a Christmas Miracle! We all made it to church, on time, in our outfits, with no major stains or issues... and we actually still appear to be happy about it! Hallelujah!

December 22nd
Today was a marathon day of gift wrapping. Tali has been having some chest pains, and after seeing the doctor we decided to occupy our hands and minds with much overdue wrapping. I love to wrap gifts, and Tali has decided that she does too. This year she learned the fine art of curling ribbon [it's a special gift], which clearly takes a lot of concentration. The great news was that tests the following day all came back normal. Praising the Lord for the best gift of the year!

December 21st, all afternoon

After church we head to the Jones' home for our annual Christmas Gift exchange with Grace. The gifts were wonderful and the kids enjoyed them immensely... but I think everyone's favorite part of the day was just getting to hang out with our friends- seemed like it had been forever. The kids toasted the event with sparkling grape juice. How cute is that???



Christmas morning, 1:00am

Every Christmas Eve we get the kids to bed, I head into the Christmas Eve Service that starts at 11:00pm, and then when we get home after a bit of prep work I take a picture of our Christmas Tree, post-Santa. Santa's gifts are wrapped in the candy cane looking paper, no bows. Because of course bows would be a hindrance in packing a big red back full of gifts. Santa is a very practical man that way, I'm fairly sure of it. According to the phone conversation my brother, Fireball, had with Santa at 8pm on Christmas Eve, we were lucky he made it to Edwardsport at all. Apparently there was an incident with another aircraft in Sydney, Australia. Unfortunately there was significant damage including the deaths of two reindeer, however Santa's elves saved the day by flying in replacements and quickly. It was a scary time for three little ones for a while, but were quickly reassured by the twinkling of lights in the night sky- obviously from Santa's sleigh.

Christmas morning, 1:30am

The kids rush into our bedroom announcing that Santa has arrived. Please note the time on the above picture... 1:00am. Obviously, we were in no position to be starting Christmas morning already. I tried to coax the kids back into bed, but frankly they were on Christmas Crack and it wasn't happening... so I finally settled for tucking them in on the couch to watch "A Christmas Story" play all night on TBS until I could finally coax their father out of bed. I lay in my room, listening to their giggling speculation as to what may be in the packages wrapped underneath the tree. It must have been a unique sort of torture to have to sit there, feet away from the dream, but unable to do anything about it until Papa Bear awoke from his slumber.

Christmas morning, 4am

Jim gives in at 3:45 and tells the kids that when the current showing of Ralphie is over, we will do presents. The adrenaline level in our house immediately exceeds anything previously recorded by science. The look on Zach's face truly says it all- part ecstatic child, part madman. They were so great opening gifts, though. Taking turns watching each other open every gift. Dancing with excitement as one of us opened a present from them. It was cool to see them as excited about giving as receiving. It was also a special year because we did not go insane on Christmas. No huge gifts, no major expenses. We really made our best effort to focus on the real reason for the season and not get caught up in outgifting the rest of the world. We spent half of what we did last year, and you know what... the kids didn't even notice.

Christmas morning, 4:30am
We couldn't resist these rawhide candy canes for the puppies. Here is Lily unwrapping hers. I know, there's something a little warped about having one picture each of my kids unwrapping gifts and two pictures of the dog- but admit it, you are melting with the cuteness of these pictures right now.

Christmas morning 5:30am

The last gift left was mine. I was dying to know what it was... yet wanted to keep the mystery alive as long as possible. And yes, I was brought to tears when I opened it and realized that Jim had gotten me the Willow Tree Nativity. So fitting, I realized, as the Lord had called me to share a message about Mary just the night before at the Christmas Eve Service. I argued with Him long and hard about it- talking amongst friends, no problem, even sitting at a table leading a discussion is okay... but standing in front of people on a night as special as Christmas Eve. I'm just not good enough for something like that. Moreover, I just didn't want to go out on a limb. But my amazing sister, Beverly, wasn't going to let me go down like that, and held me accountable to God's call- so I contacted Seth. Truth is, I'm not good enough for something like this... but God is. And He's never let me down before and this evening was no exception. As I opened my gift Christmas morning and looked at the beautifully sculpted mother and child, I praised the Lord again for not letting me ignore Him. How awful would I have felt had I continued to be steadfast in my disobedience and then opened that gift? Now I have a beautiful memory of God's faithfulness tied with an already beautiful nativity.

Christmas morning, 6am

This is my husband, taunting the Christmas tree. That's right. He's taunting a tree. Within minutes of the last bow being thrown away, Jim was trying to decide if he could have the tree out of the house before we left for my mom's house (at 10am). The kids and I tried to talk him out of it, but once the taunting began I knew we were fighting a losing battle. We decided instead to silently protest by not assisting. In fact, I went to sleep. Tali played for a while and then also dozed off. Zach was still going hard on the Christmas Crack and promptly wrote on his brand new football jersey with marker, mixed the various colors of Moon Sand together to make a nice shade of teal, and realized that his toy shotgun really doesn't eject the shells that great.

Christmas morning, 8am

In the interest of honesty, I did not take this picture at 8am. Because I was still sleeping at 8am. And no matter how badly he wanted me to get up and take his picture proudly throwing the tree off the porce at 8am, I was not going to do it. So he took a picture on his cell phone at this time to prove that he had, in fact, broken all land-speed-Christmas-un-decorating records by having the tree down AND out of the house before breakfast. This shot also gives you a nice reference for just how ridiculously large our tree was this year. I'm curious what the neighbors thought as they drove by and saw the tree already out? Can you just imagine some of the thoughts that must have gone through their minds? It's okay, though, because this feat put Jim in one of the best Christmas Day moods I have ever seen... so it was worth the sacrifice.

Christmas day, 11am

We head into moms around 10:45am. Fireball, Hillary, and Molly arrived very shortly thereafter (also a Christmas miracle). I could not WAIT for Fireball to open this gift from me- a sock monkey- known to our family as "Monkedee". To explain briefly, Fireball hijacked my sock monkey as a child and literally loved it til it fell to pieces. Mom mended and mended and mended that silly thing, but finally Fireball had loved it to death. I nearly cried when I saw one on the store this Christmas Season, and Fireball's reaction totally lived up to my expectations. He now sleeps with Monkedee again. Sorry about that Hillary.

Santa also brought Tali some pink temporary hair dye/spray/stuff. She couldn't wait to share it with Molly. They make pink hair look GOOD.

Christmas Day 3-7:30pm

At 2:45 we headed out to Don and Susan's, where we met up with Jason, Brooke, Jason and Kolten as well. Complete Christmas Madness broke loose- you have never seen so much flying tissue paper, torn wrapping paper, bows flying, and children jumping. It was magical. It was a gift opening free-for-all. No orderly one-at-a-time gift opening for this clan!!!! After dinner Tali and Kaden decorated a Gingerbread house. Zach unfortunately missed both dinner and Gingerbread fun as Christmas Crack only lasts sixteen hours.

Christmas evening, 5:30pm

We all knew something was up when Zach announced he didn't want to eat supper. One minute he was racing through the house on his little bike, and the next he was in the kitchen making this grand statement. Zach not wanting to eat? I knew it had happened- he had finally ran out of steam. I told him he could lay on the couch if he needed, and by the time I followed him into the living room he was already piling pillows and blankets. Within five minutes- here he was. One thing is for sure, Zach got the most out of his Christmas day- going full tilt from 1:30am onwards. A full day of giving and receiving gifts, joyously thanking everyone, loving on his mommy and daddy, and waiting in anticipation for the next stop on his own personal little Christmas treasure hunt.

Looking back over these pictures, I realize we all made the most of this Christmas season- parades, performances, trees, friends, church, family... and eventually gifts. There's even more that I couldn't fit in here. More blessings than a person can recount in a single sitting. But here you have a few of the highlights. Thanks for indulging me in my memories.

Merry Christmas.

friday flashback (may 2007)

We were sitting in the living room when sudden movement caught my eye- and that of our cat, Precious... it was a mouse in the house. Doing as any self-respecting cat would, Precious pounced. I silently cheered her on- Jim was at work and I didn't know how else to deal with the creepy little critter. A moment later and Tali and Zach joined me in watching the commotion, until Tali realized what was going on...

"Stop her! Stop her!" Tali yelled.

"What about the stupid mouse, Tali???"

"I'll catch it!!!!" at this point, she was nearing hysteria so I grabbed the cat.

The mouse sat there, stunned.

"How are you going to catch it?" I said smartly.

Tali was already in motion- grabbing a sock from the laundry basket she pulled it over her hand. The mouse was beginning to wake from it's daze, so she had to chase it around the living room as I restrained Precious (note I never offered to assist in the mouse catching) and Zach cheered his sister on from a safe distance. If my memory serves me... that was in the living room, standing on the couch.

Sure enough, our little wildlife activist caught the mouse, and decided that she would release it across the street. At an age when most girls would squeal and run in the next room, Tali was overcome by the thought of this little mouse being injured by her (in my mind) heroic cat. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure (and proof that this is a true story! LOL)

Tali just a few minutes after the rescue. How sweet of her to stand on the porch holding the wriggling mouse while I ran around looking for my camera!

Just after the release, Tali watches closely to make sure the little guy is going to be able to get away. I shudder at the thought of what it would have meant had the rodent been too stunned and/or injured by his ordeal to scamper away.

One last farewell. See the boo-boo on it's little eye? Poor thing. And that's Zach's finger. At this point he's summoned up every bit of courage he has to touch the little thing. At least his sister had the good sense to cover her hand. A brisk washing with antibacterial soap quickly ensued.

Mission complete. I love this picture. So "just another's day work"... in the life of a six year old.