simple devotion

A spiritual slump... it's not a great place to be, but it's a wonderful place to be on the other side of. You see, God uses these times in the desert to teach us. To call us deeper into Him. To show us that our relationship with Him is more about Who He is than what we are feeling at that moment.

The last several weeks have been full of mixed feelings: hurt feelings, unworthiness, inability, loneliness, frustration... but throughout it all I could hear Him calling. He just wouldn't leave me alone. He wouldn't let me wallow in the the lies being whispered into my heart (as a good friend recently reminded me- feelings are very often not truth). My loving Father was showing up everywhere, despite the fact that I was being a brat. That's love. Nearly every client I visited wanted to talk about their faith. I would listen to secular radio and hear messages of salvation where they weren't intended. My amazing sister-in-law who is falling madly in love with Jesus right now would say the most uplifting and honest things to me. Sweet friends calling to offer compassion and empathy (you know who you are). The Sunday School lessons I was supposed to be leading were directly for me [I couldn't even make contact with my turtle girls week before last 'cause I knew they knew too!]

I kept hearing Him calling. Praise the LORD that our God is relentless in His pursuit of His children.

Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don't let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.
[John 6:37-38/the message ]

Imagine Jesus- holding on for dear life. Clinging to you, when you are too weak to cling to Him. This was His whole purpose in coming to this earth... to capture your heart. And He has captured mine. I went running to Jesus a long time ago. But since then there have been many times He's had to cling as I thrashed around in His grasp.

It's like a drowning person, being thrown about by the waves (he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6b, NIV). Thrashing around... trying to figure out how to save themselves, gasping for breath. Then the lifeguard shows up, and what does He say? "Relax... I've got you... it's going to be okay". The sooner we relax into our Savior, the sooner He can get us to the safety of the shore.

I don't have it all figured out. I never will. But that's what faith is... being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see [Hebrews 11:1, NIV]. It's embracing the mystery. When we finally relax, and stop trying to save ourselves, Our Father rejoices! When we put our trust in Him, it makes His heart sing!

I love, love, love, love this Misty Edwards song. If you aren't familiar with her- look her up. Amazing, amazing stuff. As the spiritual fog began to lift, God had a message for me in this song. I wept as I sat in my car and listened to it... so here are the words, to hear the song either click on the title (will take you away from this page)- or go find it on my playlist on the right... Go ahead... You need to hear this song....

simple devotion
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul
To lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again

And then I’ll just lean into sovereignty
I’ll embrace a mystery
And I’ll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again

And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
“O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She’s gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!”

Over and over and over and over again…

To think of God looking down at my meager acts of worship and devotion... and rejoicing. How humbling. And He does just that. To think of Jesus clinging to me for dear life. And He does just that. To think that my God loves me, and calls me friend... even when I am being a brat. And He does just that. Over and over and over and over again, I will stir up my soul to take hold of that which I cannot comprehend.

I weep at the power of it all.