how ironic....

that every time you've checked my blog lately the only post you found was one that said "the silence is deafening"? LOL

just so you know, i've not fallen off the face of the earth or into a pit of depression! just am without internet access right now so am checking my email sporadically and not having the time to blog like i wish i could... but let me say WOW... God is good!

i stand back and look over the last couple of weeks and the ways He has moved in the lives of my loved ones and i can't help but be AMAZED by his goodness! i look at the way He carried me through the spiritual attacks i have faced and can't help but fall on my face in thanksgiving.

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The other day I brought home an impulse bag of Nacho Cheese Combos. The pretzel kind. You know, the best ones. I love those things and only buy them occasionally because I WILL eat the entire bag. Apparently Zach loves them too. He kept coming back to get one or two more. And again. And again. And again. After a few times, this hungry mama was like "those are my combos!" LOL so the next time he came in he was really stealth about it. I was sitting on the couch, bag of combos on the floor in front of me. I was on my computer and so he came in and slowly crept down (right in front of me) and slid his hand in to get get a hand full of deliciousness. I watched him the whole time, not saying a word until he slowly stood and turned to walk away. Then I said "That was pretty sneaky" and he looked over his shoulder with that patented Zach grin and off he went with his Combos. (don't judge me here. maybe i should have taken the combos back from him, but i was completely disarmed by his cuteness).

This morning as I meditated on the last few weeks, I was thinking about those things that we lay at the feet of Jesus and then later go back and pick up. I know I'm not the only one who does that, so maybe this will minister to you also today. The thing is, we don't march to the throne boldly and announce to Jesus "I really want that discouragement back! It's MINE!" no... we creep in quietly, crouching, grab that thing we shouldn't have and run away like a child. But you know we aren't getting a handful of goodness (like Nacho Cheese Combos)... we are going to steal back depression, offense, financial problems, prodigal children, hurt, unforgiveness, guilt, blame, shame, self-hatred, pride... So this morning I was asking Jesus why He didn't just smack my hand away when I tried to pick things back up. And He immediately brought that story of Zach to mind. How I sat there and watched him "sneaking" right in front of my eyes. I saw everything he did but for whatever reason felt the need to let him follow through with his stealth act of combo-sneaking.

In my mind I could see Jesus standing there with things scattered around His feet and me creeping up to him. Not approaching His throne with great boldness, but rather timidity and apprehension, because lets face it, we know our mission is one we shouldn't be on. Glancing out of the corner of my eye to see if He's watching me. Crouching down and reaching my hand out to grab those things better left in His care. The me in my vision never looked up to His face, that me couldn't bear to see Him... but in my minds eye I could see the tears streaming from His eyes. The hurt as He let me take the things He knew I shouldn't have. His eyes upon me, and His heart aching for me to leave it alone.

Yet He doesn't force us back or yell at us. He allows us the choice to leave things at His feet, and the choice to pick them back up. And He loves us anyway. Then when we come back to Him, He graciously takes those burdens from our backs again.

I've given my burdens back to Jesus. This time I'm going to do my best not to sneak back into the throne room to pick them back up. Instead I'm going to approach Him with great boldness, feasting on the banquet of good things He has prepared for all of us who know Him. Seriously, who wants the filthy scraps from the floor when we could instead feast on divinity prepared by the hands of the Most High God?