{from mud to mercy}

Today I knelt by a black plastic horse trough filled with grace from a garden hose.

This one whom I had just met a few months ago came toward me. Her loose fitting jump suit not fitting an occasion such as this, but it is the only garment she has. No robe of white for her baptism. No heated baptistery. Just a striped jump suit, cold water, and grace.

And these hands. These hands of mine that have stolen and cheated. These hands that have been perverse and vile and violent. These hands on hers…

This mouth that once denied God. Words that once cursed, lied, slandered. Words that cut to the quick and then exploded with a death blow. Now a flow of love from the mercy seat…

“Jesus loves you so much, my friend. He loves you with everything…”

Tears streaming down her cheeks and mine. This is not how we picture grace. Our hearts grow cynical. Names in the paper become faceless statistics.  

But those names have stories.

And for this one, her story just collided headlong into grace. And it is being rewritten.

“Are you ready, sister? Are you ready to follow Jesus with your entire heart, and mind, and soul?”

Tears become sobs… and “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes” comes tumbling out of a spirit that is desperate for a Savior. Desperate for the promise of a hope and a future. Desperate for HIM.

And then from the same mouth that once denied Him… “I now baptize you, my sister, in the name of the Father… and of the Son… and of the Holy Spirit”.

And hands that were once stained with sin follow her as she kneels forward. All in.

All in.

Face forward into grace.

Water from a hose become a symbol of union with Him. Union in death, and union in New Life.

Water turned grace in the wash bay of a jail gushing over the sides of a black horse trough… I feel it’s cool on my hands and up my arms… splashing feet that had once taken the path of the prodigal… soaking the hem of my skirt. The hem of my garment.

An anointing like no other. An anointing of grace I have never known. An anointing of grace I would never have dared to dream about or imagine when my own desperate sobs cried out to Him in my sin.

That He could use a wretch like me. That He could use hands that have done such harm. That He could use a mouth that has wounded so many… as an instrument of grace.

He found me in the mud. He found me in a pig sty of my own making after I had demanded my inheritance and ran off to the far country. He let me get to the end of myself… He knew I had to… or I would never see my own desperate need for Him.

He watched as I went my own way. He wept as I made wrong choices. He hurt as I denied Him.

And somewhere in that mess… somewhere in that darkness… He declared “THAT ONE… bring her to me”… and sending His Son right into the center of my messy heart, He did just that. He sought me… He rescued me… He sent people to love me right where I was at. People who spoke grace and lived love and stirred a desire in me for more.

And now, my hands on the back of one who had just arrived to the end of herself.  My heart overflowing with His love for her.

As she steps from the water, overcome by His love, another comes.

And another.

And another.

Seven times I kneel by that beautiful baptistery.

Seven times He issues an invitation to love and mercy and grace.

Seven times His Bride says “yes”.

Seven times hearts are overwhelmed and tears fall and forgiveness is received and lives are reconciled.

Seven times His grace covers His Beloved.

Seven times striped jump suits are traded for robes of righteousness.

Seven times it splashes over the sides of a horse trough that could not contain it.  

And I am undone.

From mud to mercy. If ever those words were ever true of my story, they were true today. 

a reason to dance

He was dancing with reckless abandon at the side of the road. Windows down, I knew the music he danced to was alone in his soul. There was no radio, no band, no background song… just the beat of his hand against the sign tucked under his arm.  The dance could only be described as part hip hop, part Native American Tribal dance. From one foot to the other he hopped in rhythm, head bent toward the earth, free arm dancing up and down in front of him.  As he turned to make his hopping, rhythmic way back toward our car I couldn’t help but see the look of sheer exhilaration on his face. Joy unspeakable. He danced not as though no one was watching… He danced in the full knowledge that every eye peering from every windshield at that intersection were firmly on him.

Yet this man was not put on that street corner to dance.  The sign he had tucked beneath his arm announced a “store liquidation sale” and “close-out prices”… This young man was dancing before a store that was going out of business.  He had been hired to stand out in front of a store, waving a sign around to garner passer-by’s attention and curiosity.

But the sign had become secondary to the dance. It was sideways and partially obstructed by the hand that maintained the rhythm for the dance.  He was not waving it in the air, or pointing to the store, or calling to passing by cars… he was just dancing.

And because of that I took notice. Because of his abandoned joy I made a point to read the sign, to try to discern what brought him to that grassy patch at the side of the road. My curiosity was piqued, not by someone yelling into my open window as I drove by, but by someone caught up in the joy of the dance.

My heart dropped a bit as the light changed from red to green. Our moment in his audience had come to an end. As we drove by, he broke from the rhythm long enough to greet us with an enormous wave- you know, the kind that causes your entire body to shift back and forth with its force. Looking me in the eye he smiled from the depth of who he was. He was having so much fun on his grassy stage under the open sky…

I thought about his dance as I made my way onto the exit ramp, the smile still crawling across my face. And then all at once it hit me…

This moment of God revealing His heart in the world around us.  Another opportunity to experience His grace in the every day.

This man who danced with such gusto and fervor… had completely forgotten about the work he had been called to that grassy corner to do. Cockeyed sign beneath his arm, obstructed by his dancing body and beating hand... forgotten by the dancer... yet noticed by me. 

How many times have I passed by someone holding the same yellow and red store liquidation sign, and took no notice at all? Dozens and dozens, I am sure. Yet this one who, in fairness, was not doing the thing he had been hired to do particularly well... got my attention.  

The rules looked like standing in front of a store, prominently holding a sign and calling out to cars that drove by. 

Instead he chose to dance. 

And I noticed.

As I thought about his exuberance, his reckless abandon... God brought to mind David's undignified dance before the Ark of the Covenant. His reckless love for God, and how the joy of His presence caused David to lose Himself in worship of the One who He knew to be worthy.  Scripture tells us that he "danced before the Lord with all his might"... dancing before the Lord with all he had! Worshiping with his everything! Like this man on his grassy stage, he gave himself completely over to the joy of the moment. 

How do you live your life before God? 

Have you become so absorbed by the work of holding the "I am a Christian" sign that you have lost the joy of the dance?

I think about that man, hired to hold a sign... yet his JOY was so much more effective in drawing my attention to the great sale going on a parking lot behind him. I think about David, dancing with absolute abandon before the Lord, forgetting the protocol of his kingship in the light of the glory of the King. 

It's not about the work (although He certainly calls us to good works). It's not about doing the right things (although the right things are good). It's about celebrating our God extravagantly!!! It's about dancing before Him with all our might! It's about loving Him with a sold out heart! 

Then those who are around you, those on-lookers who glance toward your grassy stage from the front seats of their cars... will see the JOY you find in the Lord! And seeing your joy, they will come to participate in it, just as that smile spread across my own face. 

Had that man been standing there holding his bright yellow sign toward the sky for all to see, I would not be thinking about him today. 

People aren't impressed by your "I am a Christian" sign, folks. They are impressed by your joy! By your exuberance in serving! By your abandoned heart! Our "I am a Christian" signs will get the attention of a few, certainly... but our JOY will get the attention of everyone! Without trying, the tribal-hip hop dancer pointed to the store that was advertising a sale. His exuberance got my attention, and then my curiosity led me to search for the sign and uncover the reason for his being there. 

Our lives should look like that! Our lives should point to Christ, to His love, to His grace, whether we are trying to or not. Our ravished hearts should draw the attention of the world, and make them curious.

However, be forewarned friend, that some will not be curious. Some will be furious... as David danced before the Lord, his wife Michal watched from a window, disgusted that he would ignore the proper behavior expected of a king. That's not the way it's supposed to look. That's not the way a proper person acts. That's not the way we have always done it... Don't be discouraged by the naysayers. Respond as David did when he answered "I will celebrate before the Lord! I will become even more undignified than this...!"

We are called to live our lives before the Lord! Dancing our hearts out for an Audience of One! The truth is, some will be offended by your joy... but they are not the ones you live for.  I am sure there were people in cars around me that grumbled about the man dancing to and fro with a sign tucked beneath his arm. But for me, for my daughter... we were inspired to live our lives with joy. And that's worth it. That's worth the price of the dance!!!

I have no idea what reason that man last weekend had for dancing. Maybe he was just full of joy and couldn't help himself. Maybe he was goofing off. Maybe he was bored with his job and he was trying to get fired. Maybe he succeeded...

What I do know is this... we have a reason to dance! 

We have a King whom we can call friend, a God whom we can call Daddy, a Spirit whom we can call comforter.


We have a reason to dance!  

We have FREEDOM in Christ Jesus, forgiveness, joy, peace, love!


We have a reason to dance! 

We have a HOME in HEAVEN, a hope and a future, redeemed souls and sanctified lives!


We have a reason to dance!

I'm not telling you to forget the work. I'm telling you to stick your "I am a Christian" sign under your arm and try using it as an instrument to keep the rhythm for your dancing feet... and worship the King. Not with just a little bit of you... but like David, with everything you have! 

I don't know what David's dance looked like exactly, but somehow, I think it looked a lot like the abandoned, joy-filled man of the man at the side of the road. A tribal mix of dance steps and rhythm... an open heart and abandoned love for his God. David's work was to bring the Ark of the Covenant back to the city, but he got lost in his worship... and guess what... the Ark still made it to Jerusalem.

Let's be a people that are so caught up in the worship of our Savior, that the work just flows from us. That like the man at the side of the road, who inadvertently drew my attention to the store behind him, we would draw attention to Jesus through our joyful worship of Him!! 

I promise, you will point to the King with your joyful life so much more effectively than you ever could holding a stoic sign. People will notice your exuberance... your joy, your passion, your love... and their curiosity will drawn them in! And in the meantime, you will be having so much fun dancing on your grassy stage under the open sky....!!!!


Serving God is not drudgery! It is not work! It is the greatest joy we will ever know this side of heaven! It flows from a thankful heart and a sold out life! If the knowledge of Christ's love for you doesn't cause you to get to your feet and move to the rhythm of His heartbeat, I don't know what will... We have a reason to dance! We have a reason for joy! We have a reason to leap from foot to foot, head bowed toward the earth and hand pointing toward the sky! So what do you say, my friend?


...shall we dance?

this has become one of mine and Tali's favorite songs... if you need a dancing rhythm, hit play and get moving!

tied together with love

This weekend was incredible. On Saturday morning I had the great pleasure of gathering with some beautiful women of God from our area who have a heart for Jesus and a desire to be His hands and feet. The project was simple... make blankets for those who find themselves sleeping in the cold this Christmas.

It started with piles and piles and piles of fleece... every color of the rainbow, soft patterns, even some jazzy zebra stripes. Next came cutting, tying knot after knot after knot after knot... then repeat. Twenty-one times.

As we worked, our thoughts kept turning to the homeless that will receive these blankets. It occurred to me as I worked along that we probably could have just bought blankets [already made] that would have kept these precious people warm... but isn't there something special about receiving a handmade gift? Knowing that someone cared enough, to do this just for you. Yes it is a special feeling to know that you are wrapped in a blanket tied together with love... each knot a prayer for your protection, that you would encounter God and the love He has for you, that He would make a way out of the darkness...

I saw the pile of "breakfasts in a bag" the SonShine Kids had put together for this same outreach, gloves donated by another...  I was so happy to be a part of the project, but I have to admit there was a longing in my heart to do more. Giving the gift of a blanket and a breakfast is a beautiful thing [especially a handmade one!]... but my heart still broke knowing that these blankets would find homes on the streets. Wrapping around people who feel hopeless, forgotten... cold. I found my heart crying out to God "don't let this be the end, show us how to do more. Show us how to love these folks well...to use the resources we have for your Kingdom... guide us Lord..."

You know what they say... be careful what you ask for.

How could I have expected to hear these words the following morning in my own church... "they are staying in their car, is it okay if they take one of the blankets...?" Of course! Of course... you didn't need to ask. Of course...

And then the quickening of the Holy Spirit. Maybe you can't make a way for every one of those 21 blankets, tied together with love, to make their way to an actual bed under an actual roof with actual heat. But what about this one? 


Over the next several hours, I was blown away as I saw the Body of Christ respond to this need. I sit here in tears as I recall the overwhelming response to a quiet plea to help. None of those who answered the call knew the people who needed assistance, and even more... They didn't bother to ask. They just gave. They tapped into their own, personal resources the week before Christmas. They pulled strings and called in favors. They mobilized resources from church. And within hours a couple was led to a modest room, with a real bed and real roof and real heat... Boxes and bags of food, toiletries, towels, toothbrushes all unloaded and put away... Gas cards tucked safely away in their pocket... bowls, skillet, dog kennel... Every perceived need met by anonymous faces. The hands and feet and heart of Jesus.

All of this, so that this couple who is seeking Christ could know and rely on the love the Father has for them. A Divine encounter in a hotel room where Jesus' heart met theirs.

I don't know why He would allow me to see this unfold first hand... except that He knows the desire of my heart to see the Body come together. And He knew how I would rejoice in seeing resources come from people connected to so many different churches and denominations. It was such a beautiful thing. It is such a beautiful thing. This weekend I caught a glimpse of His Bride... from quick fingers working hundreds of knots to quiet deliveries of food to text messages that say "I have room"... it was a beautiful, beautiful thing... and I could see why He is so ravished by Her beauty...!

So many times the church gets it wrong... we judge, and criticize, and stumble, and fail... but let us not forget the times when she gets it right. When her eyes are on Him, and she quickens to His call. When her heart is beating in rhythm with His, her hands are moving under His guidance, and her feet are going steadfast on the path He has laid before her... let us remember these times. Focus on them... and be encouraged to do more!

If you are interested in getting involved... let me know. We are going to continue to get together every month or so to make blankets so we can have even more to hand out next Christmas. You can participate by donating money, buying fleece, or showing up and tying knots. Let me know if you are interested and I will keep you in the loop on upcoming meetings.

You can also join me in praying for the other 20 blankets. I am believing God to make a way for each of those blankets to make their way from the street to a real bed with a real roof over it and real heat blowing through vents in real walls. And I am believing that He is going to use His Body to make it happen, and that He will be glorified through Her obedience! I know it may not happen immediately for all of those blankets, but I trust His timing, and it will be as perfect as last night was... His heart meeting ours. Our hearts meeting theirs. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing... being tied together with love.

I want to know You

Exodus 33:7-23
7 Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the "tent of meeting." Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp... 9 As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the LORD spoke with Moses. 10 Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. 11 The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

12 Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."
14 The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." ...
18 Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

I love, love, love, love this passage of scripture. There is so much here about the kind of relationship God wants us to have with Him... and the richness of relationship He is ready to pour out to those willing to receive Him, for those willing to surrender to Him and His will.

There is a lot here, and could go on and on about these verses, but I want to focus in on a couple of key points. First, in verses 10-11 we see three different reactions to God's presence. Moses enters boldly and there he talks to God face to face, like a friend talks to a friend. Now we know that he didn't LITERALLY stand before an infinite God, looking at His face and having a conversation (see verse 20)... but this means that they talked intimately. Directly. That Moses asked and God answered. But what about the others in the community? Did they enter boldly? No... instead they stood at the openings of their own tents and bowed down. They watched Moses enter God's presence and then worshipped the LORD vicariously through him. And the one who was there with Moses, Joshua, never left the tent... He just stayed there in God's presence all of the time. I'm sure Moses would have stayed in the tent if he could have... but he knew the calling of the LORD, he knew that he had to GO and DO.

Think about that for a bit. Think about who you are. Nothing in this scripture says that what the Israelites or Joshua did is wrong, so be honest with yourself. Are you like Moses, entering the presence of God boldly, talking with him like you do your BFF? Then taking His Word to the world and leading them back to His presence? Or are you Joshua, the one who soaks in the presence of the Almighty God but never leaves the tent to share what he's experienced with others? Maybe you are among the many standing in the entrance of your own tents, unwilling [timid? unworthy? afraid?] to approach Him on your own, living vicariously through the ones who tell you how good it can be? Where are you when it comes time to worship the Almighty God?

It's comfortable to stay in the doorway of your tent. And of course it's great fun to be Joshua, basking forever in His presence. But studying this passage of scripture again I’m challenged by what Moses’ response to God is… he meets with Him face to face and then he takes God from the tent to the people. He enters the presence, he soaks in all that God has to offer him, and then he goes and acts as God's hands and feet in his community.

That doesn't mean that experiencing God personally, intimately, powerfully is a bad thing. That doesn't negate the importance of having God Encounters on a regular basis. It just means we have work to do too! Our friend, Moses had an unquenchable thirst for God and His presence. Despite the fact that he was with God for 40 days on the mountain, met with Him regularly in the Tent of the Meeting, talked to God directly and intimately… He still hungered for MORE. And in verse 18 he makes one of the most bold statements we’ll find in scripture… God agrees to go with Moses and Moses responds by asking...

Now show me your glory.

He wanted more. No matter how much he knew of God, he wanted to know more. Just before this request, Moses said to God "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." Moses clearly knew the Lord, many times he has experienced the power, might, and intimacy of the great I Am. In fact we just read a verse before that he met with God as a man meets with his friend, yet he was wise enough to understand that no matter how much he knew about God, there was always more to know. No matter how well he understood the ways of God, there were still things to learn. So BOLDLY (you agree it's bold, don't you?) he asks God... Show me your glory! I want more! I want a new revelation! I want to experience another facet of Who You Are! Show me your glory!!!

I have had some pretty amazing God Encounters. I have studied His character in His words and deeds. I know my Abba, Father. I love my Savior. I walk daily in the Spirit... yet this knowledge of mine is like a drop in the ocean of the vastness of His personhood. We have to remember that there's always more to know, that God will never fit into our narrow, human definitions... no matter how comprehensive we think that definition is, God won't fit into it. So we need to expect that this big, big God will act on us, and in us, in ways that we cannot understand or comprehend! Are you willing to surrender to that? Does your heart burn with a passion for Jesus? Does it burn with a passion to know Him more?

[btw for a great sermon on that topic go here to listen to Seth's sermon from Sunday. click on Burning Heart. it's sooooo good.]

We need to cry out to God, teach me your ways so I may know you! We should desire to talk to Him face to face! We should have a heart for taking His Word to the people... and then leading His people into His place of promise! And even after we have experienced his power and might and intimacy over and over and over... we should cry out to Him... show me your glory!

And guess what... He will.

Freedom in Worship

Loved this blog by my Turtle Sister, Jennifer...
Go.
Read.
Be Challenged.

Freedom in Worship

doing math God's way

Listening to the radio this morning I caught a message from Ron Hutchcraft about "downsizing". He related it to the story of Gideon being called to come against the Midianite army of 132,000 that consistently plundered Israel's harvest year after year. First arguing that he was not qualified for the job [we all know what God thinks about that, right?], he eventually gathered 32,000 men for his army. God's answer...

You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, 'Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.' [Judges 7:2-3]

God says 32,000 men is TOO MANY. Outnumbered 4 to 1 and that's TOO MANY. Why? Because God knows if victory came with 32,000 Israel would be tempted to boast. So with this statement, 22,000 leave the army... and guess what God says...

There are still too many!

And so he FURTHER prunes back the army until there are only 300 men left. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE! And Gideon is supposed to go against an army of 32,000. So the Lord tells him that if he is afraid, to do a little spy-mission type eavesdropping, and in doing so God encourages him. They do as the Lord called, and sure enough, the Midianites are defeated. And in such a way that NO ONE could deny the power of God.

Because that's the way God does math. You want to do more? Become less (John 3:30). You want to live a life of great abundance? [abundance of the lasting nature] Sacrifice.

My friend Christy has blogged lately about pruning. And I can't stop thinking about the definition she posted:
Prune 1. To cut off or remove dead or living parts or branches of (a plant, for example) to improve shape or growth. 2. To remove or cut out as superfluous. 3. To reduce: prune a budget. To remove what is superfluous or undesirable.

See, in the first definition, it says that pruning is a process of removing dead or living parts to improve shape or growth. In Gideon's army the first 22,000 to be pruned were fearful and would have been little help in battle, that is, they were dead. But the second 9,700 to be pruned were not fearful, they were living, yet they still needed to go so that God could show His glory.

My beautiful church family has been going through some [okay, a lot of] pruning lately. I have long since been frustrated with the apathetic church- and by that I don't mean FBC in particular, but the universal church- and this is going to sound terrible, but it didn't hurt that much when those just going through the motions were pruned away.

But when God's pruning didn't stop there, it started to hurt. When he began to prune away some of the living branches, I mourned. I cry as I type this because those individuals who have been called into another house of worship are my brothers and sisters, and I miss them. I ache for their presence. With my mouth I have professed "It will be okay" and "God has a plan in this" in my heart I couldn't help but wonder what in the WORLD is He doing to us? I KNOW THE PLANS He has for FBC, plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE, so how in the world does this play into it??? What is going on! God what are you doing!

Just like Gideon must have said when he looked out at an army, reduced from a respectable 32,000 to a skeleton 300.

But God knew His plans. He had to make them less, so that their reliance on Him would be COMPLETE. He had to make them less so that He could do MORE. As I pray for my Body, I keep hearing the Lord saying "Do more with less", but now I think I get it.

Just as Christy points out, pruning hurts. It's embarrassing, and humiliating, and painful. But when the gardener is our God, who loves us enough to do whatever it takes to make us into His image, it is worth it. Because when we are less, He is more, when we are weak, He is strong, when we can't, He can... and then He gets the glory. My big, big God gets the chance to show off and the world gets the chance to see what can happen when we FULLY trust and rely on Him.

I'm still going to miss seeing those faces on Sunday morning. And I still have to remind myself weekly that it's not a numbers game... but hearing the story of Gideon encouraged me because it reminded me that God's math so often works to the inverse of human reasoning. So as He continues to refine and prune us, I will continue to praise the hand that is at work... for I know that He is about to pour out over this Body like we have never seen or experienced before, and am I ever ready!!!

Amazing

As we drove in to have supper tonight, I clicked off the "Jesus music" in the car and switched over to 89.1 for Jim. The kids were so wound up, that it really wasn't until much later, when we stopped for gas on our way home, that we could even hear anything coming through those little speakers... Suddenly Tali pipes in "Mom, is this a good song?" Listening for a minute I realized that, in fact, it wasn't a great song for the kids and answered her accordingly. "Well, where's our church music then?" I love that Tali and Zach both dig on mommy's Christian music... but am more than aware that at times it rubs a little thin on my man. And as he was currently pumping gas in single digit temperatures, I felt a little compromise was in order.

However, as he climbed back in the truck, she asked again - this time getting specific... "Mommy, can you play number 15?" Aaaah, number 15. That may work. You see my friend Carol accidentally stuck a song on the end of my Third Day cd (technically she gave me a cd intended for someone else I think). She wasn't even aware that she had done so until I mentioned it at a much later date. The song found at number 15 is My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust. It's a song that Roger, Courtney, and Jonathan sing frequently (and beautifully), one that Jim has heard them perform twice now, and one that he really likes.

A glance at him told me that he was okay with the genre change. I start the song and look out the window, praising the Lord that somehow He has managed to carve out this moment for our family. To speak to my hubby through this powerful song. To bring us closer together, and to continually woo us into His will.

And then the chorus hit...
First came Tali's voice, strong and proud. Then I could hear Zach singing with all his might.
And finally, I realized Jim was singing too. Quietly at first, but then building.

At first I could just sit there, still looking out the window, afraid to look at Jim and mess up the moment. I had tears in my eyes and a heart nearly exploding with the beauty of it all. I know, it's just a song... I know it's not that big of a deal to some... But I have never had the joy of hearing my family sing praises to the Lord together before. Not all three of them. Never.

In fact, there was a time that I couldn't even imagine it happening. But I'm not skilled to understand... what God has willed what God has planned.... So I thanked God. I thanked Him and thanked Him and thanked Him...

And then I sang too. And it was a thing of beauty.


My Savior, My God. Aaron Shust
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on High
And come for sinful men to die
You count it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is,
My God He's always gonna be (x6)

My Savior lives, My Savior loves
My Savior lives, My Savior loves

simple devotion

A spiritual slump... it's not a great place to be, but it's a wonderful place to be on the other side of. You see, God uses these times in the desert to teach us. To call us deeper into Him. To show us that our relationship with Him is more about Who He is than what we are feeling at that moment.

The last several weeks have been full of mixed feelings: hurt feelings, unworthiness, inability, loneliness, frustration... but throughout it all I could hear Him calling. He just wouldn't leave me alone. He wouldn't let me wallow in the the lies being whispered into my heart (as a good friend recently reminded me- feelings are very often not truth). My loving Father was showing up everywhere, despite the fact that I was being a brat. That's love. Nearly every client I visited wanted to talk about their faith. I would listen to secular radio and hear messages of salvation where they weren't intended. My amazing sister-in-law who is falling madly in love with Jesus right now would say the most uplifting and honest things to me. Sweet friends calling to offer compassion and empathy (you know who you are). The Sunday School lessons I was supposed to be leading were directly for me [I couldn't even make contact with my turtle girls week before last 'cause I knew they knew too!]

I kept hearing Him calling. Praise the LORD that our God is relentless in His pursuit of His children.

Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don't let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.
[John 6:37-38/the message ]

Imagine Jesus- holding on for dear life. Clinging to you, when you are too weak to cling to Him. This was His whole purpose in coming to this earth... to capture your heart. And He has captured mine. I went running to Jesus a long time ago. But since then there have been many times He's had to cling as I thrashed around in His grasp.

It's like a drowning person, being thrown about by the waves (he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6b, NIV). Thrashing around... trying to figure out how to save themselves, gasping for breath. Then the lifeguard shows up, and what does He say? "Relax... I've got you... it's going to be okay". The sooner we relax into our Savior, the sooner He can get us to the safety of the shore.

I don't have it all figured out. I never will. But that's what faith is... being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see [Hebrews 11:1, NIV]. It's embracing the mystery. When we finally relax, and stop trying to save ourselves, Our Father rejoices! When we put our trust in Him, it makes His heart sing!

I love, love, love, love this Misty Edwards song. If you aren't familiar with her- look her up. Amazing, amazing stuff. As the spiritual fog began to lift, God had a message for me in this song. I wept as I sat in my car and listened to it... so here are the words, to hear the song either click on the title (will take you away from this page)- or go find it on my playlist on the right... Go ahead... You need to hear this song....

simple devotion
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul to lay hold of You
Over and over and over and over again
I will stir up my soul
To lay hold of that which I cannot comprehend
Over and over and over and over again
Over and over and over and over again

And then I’ll just lean into sovereignty
I’ll embrace a mystery
And I’ll just rest in You
As I bathe in truth
Over and over and over and over again
This is my simple devotion
My walk of faith, day by day
Over and over and over and over again

And then I hear You say
As You gaze over the balcony of heaven
I hear You say as You peer through the lattice of time
I hear You say as You stand in heaven
I hear You say as You rejoice over me
“O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that dark night of faith
She is gazing at Me!
O Angels! O Angels! Look and see!
Through that cloud of unknowing
She’s gazing at Me!
And You have ravished My heart
My sister, My bride
With one glance of your eye!”

Over and over and over and over again…

To think of God looking down at my meager acts of worship and devotion... and rejoicing. How humbling. And He does just that. To think of Jesus clinging to me for dear life. And He does just that. To think that my God loves me, and calls me friend... even when I am being a brat. And He does just that. Over and over and over and over again, I will stir up my soul to take hold of that which I cannot comprehend.

I weep at the power of it all.

why wednesdays are my favorite...

wednesdays after work... tumbling... sonshine kids... childrens choir... and dance practice... i get to hang out with some of my best friends in the entire world. the posse is not the same every week, but there are definitely some reccurring characters. it is a blessed, let your hair down, enjoy each other's company kind of time. i love it. i love this time to hang out, sing some songs with the praise band, talk about life (good, bad, and ugly), share concerns, laugh... whatever.

and tonight was extra good.

as people started to trickle off to home, a few of us were left in the sanctuary, seth with his guitar, and the girls with a song book. i'm not sure how it began exactly... but slowly we were drawn into this time of simple worship of our precious Lord. flipping through the pages, lauren identifying [another] favorite song... and together she and bev and anna would begin to sing. it was just precious, precious time. no agenda. no time constraint. no plan. the voices of angels lifting praises to the King [and i occasionally belting out in my typically off-key yet heartfelt way].

worship should be like that. start where the Spirit says to start. stop when He says to stop. sing beautiful hymns. sing off key. be full of joy. and love. and praise.

tonight i'm feeling full of all three.