He is still God

Today I cried out from my living room couch for mercy. Not a quiet, half hearted prayer… but the wailing sort of prayer that only our Father can understand. The kind of prayer that causes slamming of fists on a carpeted floor, and heaving sobs from the depth of your soul.

She has lost so much, Lord. She has given you her son, and she praised Your Name. She has walked through cancer, and she praised Your Name. Please Lord, please Lord, please Lord…

Not her husband.

He is a light in a dark place. A quiet witness to your glory in a work place where so many need you. A gentle giant who helps whenever, wherever, without complaint.  

She is a good person. A beautiful spirit. Kind-hearted. Generous. Hard-working. Patient. She serves You with such humility, Lord. She loves You with such completeness.

Do something big God. You are a BIG GOD and You can do anything You want! You can bring a pulse where there is none. YOU ARE ABLE.

When we cry out, He hears us. I know that He hears us. I know that His ear was inclined to my cries. I know that He is able.  I know that His arm is not too short, that His ear is not dull to our prayers.

He is big enough.

Yet today, He answered not with healing, but with Heaven.

I can say to you all the right things. That Heaven is the ultimate healing. That He will work all things to the good. That He is near to the broken-hearted.

But the truth is. Sometimes His ways do not make sense. This is one of those times. This is one of those times that our lack of understanding causes us to lean into Him even more heavily. This is one of those times when we can’t figure out the “why”, so we have to trust that He has one. This is one of those times when all we see is the darkness, and so we must believe that His plans are still good.

I have no answer, I have no explanation, I have nothing to say that makes this any easier, or that causes the pain to make sense.

All I know is that God is still big enough. He is big enough to heal the hurt. He is big enough to bring sense out of chaos. He is big enough to work even this tragedy to the good. Even when His ways confound us, He is still God. Even when tragedy comes, He is still good. 

And even though I don’t always understand Him, I still trust Him.

Father, I lift my sweet friend Carla to you. Lord only you are able to carry the pain that she is feeling. Only you are able to relieve the hurt. Only you are able to comfort her. I pray for Eric, that he would lean into you during this time. That as his heart aches for his father, he would know your presence as Daddy-God. Lord, I know that you are with them, that you are with Mitch’s mom, and the rest of the family, and I ask Lord that they would be able to feel your presence in a real way. That they would know that you are with them, and that you are still a good God. You are still a big God. And that your love for them has never wavered. God, I also ask that we would know how to help. How we can love them well, be your hands and feet, how we can listen to their grief without trying to fix things. Be near, Lord. Be near…we need You...