12.02.2008

not so good

i'm in one of those spiritual slumps. i don't feel good about things. temptation is more tempting than usual. the Word less inviting [because conviction lies therein-i'm sure]. offense comes easily.

i feel like i've hit a wall. a very tall, sturdy wall. the kind made out of smooth stone, with soft green moss growing up it's sides. a wall that calls for me to rest in it's shadow. to take a nap in the coolness of it's shade. it could be so comfortable here, if i only couldn't hear my Father calling. His voice makes me uneasy, it beckons me to go beyond the wall... to walk into the uncertainty of the other side... yet here i sit.

alone.

dwelling on hurt feelings. on how perfectly human people are. on how perfectly human i am. on what a disappointment i must be to the One who deserves only the best. on my damaged witness. on my broken past. on my sin. on broken relationships. on being so easily overlooked.

i don't like who i am right now, and i'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't either.


i'm struggling. so if you have a moment, friends, pray for me. because honestly right now i'm having a hard time doing it for myself.

2 comments:

Christy said...

God has you right in the palm of his hand Becky. He knows where you are at even in those deep dark times. We serve a loving, forgiving God. If only we could forgive ourselves for past sins, hurts, aggression etc... I will be praying for you dear =) Love ya!

Lauren said...

Psalm 86 is always really helpful to me (not trying to be a Bible J this time, I promise...)

I always have to remind the Lord that I am poor and needy-as if He didn't already know....

you don't walk alone.