not so good

i'm in one of those spiritual slumps. i don't feel good about things. temptation is more tempting than usual. the Word less inviting [because conviction lies therein-i'm sure]. offense comes easily.

i feel like i've hit a wall. a very tall, sturdy wall. the kind made out of smooth stone, with soft green moss growing up it's sides. a wall that calls for me to rest in it's shadow. to take a nap in the coolness of it's shade. it could be so comfortable here, if i only couldn't hear my Father calling. His voice makes me uneasy, it beckons me to go beyond the wall... to walk into the uncertainty of the other side... yet here i sit.


dwelling on hurt feelings. on how perfectly human people are. on how perfectly human i am. on what a disappointment i must be to the One who deserves only the best. on my damaged witness. on my broken past. on my sin. on broken relationships. on being so easily overlooked.

i don't like who i am right now, and i'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't either.

i'm struggling. so if you have a moment, friends, pray for me. because honestly right now i'm having a hard time doing it for myself.


Christy said...

God has you right in the palm of his hand Becky. He knows where you are at even in those deep dark times. We serve a loving, forgiving God. If only we could forgive ourselves for past sins, hurts, aggression etc... I will be praying for you dear =) Love ya!

Lauren said...

Psalm 86 is always really helpful to me (not trying to be a Bible J this time, I promise...)

I always have to remind the Lord that I am poor and needy-as if He didn't already know....

you don't walk alone.