i feel like i've hit a wall. a very tall, sturdy wall. the kind made out of smooth stone, with soft green moss growing up it's sides. a wall that calls for me to rest in it's shadow. to take a nap in the coolness of it's shade. it could be so comfortable here, if i only couldn't hear my Father calling. His voice makes me uneasy, it beckons me to go beyond the wall... to walk into the uncertainty of the other side... yet here i sit.
alone.
dwelling on hurt feelings. on how perfectly human people are. on how perfectly human i am. on what a disappointment i must be to the One who deserves only the best. on my damaged witness. on my broken past. on my sin. on broken relationships. on being so easily overlooked.
i don't like who i am right now, and i'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't either.
i'm struggling. so if you have a moment, friends, pray for me. because honestly right now i'm having a hard time doing it for myself.
2 comments:
God has you right in the palm of his hand Becky. He knows where you are at even in those deep dark times. We serve a loving, forgiving God. If only we could forgive ourselves for past sins, hurts, aggression etc... I will be praying for you dear =) Love ya!
Psalm 86 is always really helpful to me (not trying to be a Bible J this time, I promise...)
I always have to remind the Lord that I am poor and needy-as if He didn't already know....
you don't walk alone.
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