my mind's eye

He is still God

2012-02-03T17:52:00.002-05:00

Today I cried out from my living room couch for mercy. Not aquiet, half hearted prayer… but the wailing sort of prayer that only our Fathercan understand. The kind of prayer that causes slamming of fists on a carpetedfloor, and heaving sobs from the depth of your soul.

She has lost so much, Lord. She has given you her son, andshe praised Your Name. She has walked through cancer, and she praised YourName. Please Lord, please Lord, please Lord…

Not her husband.

He is a light in a dark place. A quiet witness to your gloryin a work place where so many need you. A gentle giant who helps whenever,wherever, without complaint.

She is a good person. A beautiful spirit. Kind-hearted.Generous. Hard-working. Patient. She serves You with such humility, Lord. Sheloves You with such completeness.

Do something big God. You are a BIG GOD and You can doanything You want! You can bring a pulse where there is none. YOU ARE ABLE.

When we cry out, He hears us. I know that He hears us. Iknow that His ear was inclined to my cries. I know that He is able. I know that His arm is not too short, that His ear is not dull to our prayers.

He is big enough.

Yet today, He answered not with healing, but with Heaven.

I can say to you all the rightthings. That Heaven is the ultimate healing. That He will work all things tothe good. That He is near to the broken-hearted.

But the truth is. SometimesHis ways do not make sense. This is one of those times. This is one ofthose times that our lack of understanding causes us to lean into Him even moreheavily. This is one of those times when we can’t figure out the “why”, so we haveto trust that He has one. This is one of those times when all we see is thedarkness, and so we must believe that His plans are still good.

I have no answer, I have no explanation, I have nothing tosay that makes this any easier, or that causes the pain to make sense.

All I know is that God is still big enough. He is big enough to heal the hurt. He is bigenough to bring sense out of chaos. He is big enough to work even this tragedyto the good. Even when His ways confound us, He is still God. Even when tragedy comes, He is still good.

And even though I don’t always understand Him, I still trustHim.

Father, I lift mysweet friend Carla to you. Lord only you are able to carry the pain that she isfeeling. Only you are able to relieve the hurt. Only you are able to comforther. I pray for Eric, that he would lean into you during this time. That ashis heart aches for his father, he would know your presence as Daddy-God. Lord,I know that you are with them, that you are with Mitch’s mom, and the rest ofthe family, and I ask Lord that they would be able to feel your presence in areal way. That they would know that you are with them, and that you are still agood God. You are still a big God. And that your love for them has neverwavered. God, I also ask that we would know how to help. How we can love themwell, be your hands and feet, how we can listen to their grief without tryingto fix things. Be near, Lord. Be near…we need You...

friday flashback: a tale of a Father's love

2012-01-27T09:41:00.000-05:00

Hesits in his recliner watching television, a pile of son and daughter on top ofhim. Giggles pour from that corner of the room, a daddy teasing his children,children insatiable for his attention. I marvel at how they fit so perfectlytogether, Zach curled under one arm, Tali the other. I love that at 9 and 11years old, they still fit on their daddy’s lap. I love that their daddy stilllongs to have them there.

This…this is how it is with our Daddy-God too… a Father who loves us with a lavishlove. A Father who has adopted us into His Divine family.

You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear,but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba,Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God'schildren. Romans 8:15-16

Children of the most High God! Mind-boggling that the Creator would look upon His creation, a creation thathas rejected Him, ran after other Gods, broken itself on the rocks of thisworld, and say… yes… she is the one I want! She is the one I will call child!

I wonder, friend, if you know what it means to be the child of God? To know Him as more than a distant Creator, but as an intimate Father? To understand what it means to beaccepted into this Divine family so completely, unconditionally, perfectly?

Ido.

I know a little about that kind of adoption.

AlthoughI was purposed in the heart of God, I came as quite a surprise to my mom whofound out she was pregnant with me just out of high school. Although she fearedwhat would happen when she told her father, a man who swelled with anger and abuse at any perceived or even imagined wrong, she hopedthat her boyfriend would choose to marry her. Surely he would, after all, theywere 18… it would be the right thing to do…

Butthat wasn’t in his plan. I wasn’t in his plan. This, I, was a majorproblem. And his answer was simple.

Getrid of the problem.

Ican’t imagine how my mom must have agonized. Her heart telling her that shecouldn’t destroy the life growing within her, but knowing that her father's reaction would be swift and full of hatred. She must have been terrified. The worldtold her that it’s okay. It’s her body and her choice. That would be the easy road. Yet her heart confirmed that this was the very breath of life…

She chose life.

I’mpretty happy about that. ;)

Andwhile my “father” completely withdrew from the picture, her father surprisedher by reacting to her, for what she says was one of the only times in herlife, with grace and love.

Herheavenly Father also had a plan. A purpose. His name was Joe Talley, and forthose of you who don’t know…. that’s my dad.

An unlikely pair who met over a bowl of truck stop soup on the west coast. She was young, desperate, and broke. So he offered to give mom a ride back as far as Indiana, where he lived. Wouldn't you know it, by thetime they hit the Hoosier State, they had fallen in love. It wasn’t long beforehe and mom married, and they came to get me from my Mamaw's house. We moved to Bicknell, Indiana whereI gained a new last name. Talley.

Anew identity.

Wedidn’t go through a fancy court proceeding or hire a high dollar lawyer. He andmom just sat me down at the kitchen table and asked if I wanted to have a newlast name. It was that simple.

Whendad took me into his family, into his heart, he did so completely. Withoutquestion. Without stipulation. Without condition. That’s how God’s love is too! When wereceive our divine adoption… God doesn’t ask us to fill out a form, or jumpthrough hoops… ours is not a God of beaurocracy… He is a God of mercy! Hesimply stretches out his arms of forgiveness and wraps us in His perfect love!We get a new identity in HIM! And that’s how my daddy loved me.

Mom and dad never tried to get any support out of that man backin Ohio. We didn’t need him. I had a daddy, and he assumed completeresponsibility for me- physically, financially, emotionally. Our family was complete without that man, anddespite the fact that we struggled financially, maintaining my identity in himwas more important than a check from a person I’d never met. He just took me.That’s an amazing thing as I reflect back on it. He could have done so manythings differently… he could have chosen to be a step-father… instead he choseto be a DADDY… he just accepted me and loved me. I was never ever evermade to feel any less than his daughter.

He told my mom once that she was his shiny new Peterbilt…keep in mind he was a truck driver- a shiny new Peterbilt is a big deal!... andI was the chrome mirrors. I was the icing on his cake. And not because Iwas perfect or beautiful or sweet (although I’m fairly certain I was allthree) but because I loved him. And he loved me. Just because.

Just because.

Thenwhen I was twelve years old, my dad had a conversation with me that is still etchedinto my memory. Sitting together on top of a picnic table at our favorite campground he began to speak, voice shaking. “You probably know this”, he said “but I’m not your realfather. I’m really your dad… but…” and he explained it to me. Now let meremind you that I REMEMBERED getting a new last name. I REMEMBERED bits andpieces of life before him. I KNEW that I was older than mom and dad had anniversaries… and now all ofthat made sense because…

his love for me was so complete and so perfect and sounconditional and so real that I never once questioned who I was in him. Hehad to tell me that he was not my “father”. This is more than me beingnaïve… You see, my spirit testified with his spirit that we were family. And thislittle girl never questioned it…

I know it sounds insane, I know I should have KNOWN, and on some level I’m sure I did… but I neverQUESTIONED. And I still don’t. Because despite the person that helped create me…the daddy God ordained for me was Joe Talley.

I’mnot sure why it had to happen this way… but just six months after thatconversation took place our world was shattered. My aunt woke me in the middleof the night and told me that they had taken dad to the hospital. It was no bigdeal, she said. Just heartburn, she said.

Butshe was wrong. It was a massive heart attack. And my daddy was gone. In theblink of an eye. Gone.

There’s no good way to explain what that season was like except to say, everything wentcrazy… the glue that held us together, as family, as people… was gone. This isnot a place I like to go, friends. It takes my breath away to remember the painof that loss… and the impact it had on that 12 year old little girl. I bottledthe hurt up inside and quickly went about the business of building walls. Oflearning to wear a face that says “I’m fine! Right as rain! Don’t worry aboutme!” But inside things were so broken. As secure as I once was, I becameconfused. The little girl who had led her family to church, found it difficultto relate to a God who would let this happen.

I couldn't connect with a “Father God”… I was a two-time loser with fathers... one had literally thrown me away and the other had been ripped from my life. Little questionsin a little girl’s mind grew into bigger doubts… and big doubts grew, by thetime I was in my early twenties, into a postmodernist unbelief… you know, the “manyroads lead to heaven” kind of unbelief.

Yousee I had created for myself a comfortable god. One who honored whether or not we were nice to each other above any specific theology. One who didn't require that we call on hisspecific name. One who COULD overlook our inequities so long as we were“trying”.

Thisgod of my own making was not a Father.He set the world into motion, and then sat back to watch it unfold. This goddidn’t care about a relationship with me. Which was fine, because frankly Ididn’t want a relationship with him either.

Butsee, Fathers love even when that love isn’t being returned… He watched from thewindow, even when I was in the far country. Gently, He began speaking to myheart and a hunger grew within me for Truth. Showing up on Sunday mornings with more frequency. Picking up my Bible, longsince forgotten on the shelf.

Butthere was still a distance.

Asea of doubt and disappointment between myself and God. No longer doubt that He wasthere, but doubt that He would love me. No longer disappointment for the hurt I hadknown in my life, but overwhelming feelings that He must be disappointed in me.

Ah.But that is not the way of a Father’s love, is it?

A daddy’slove is different. I didn’t have to earn my dad’s love. I didn’t have to beperfect. I didn’t have to be beautiful. He didn’t have to “get to know me”. Hejust loved me. He wasn’t waiting to see if I’d make good grades, or develop asense of humor, or excel at sports… HE LOVED ME RIGHT WHERE I WAS.

Our Daddy-God is the same way! By Him we receive a spirit ofsonship, and by him we cry “Abba, Father”, for the Spirit himself testifieswith our spirit that we are God’s children! Abba! Aramaic for Daddy! He isn’t justa Creator-God who set the world in motion! He isn’t an angry Father scowling indisappointment. He is a Daddy-God!

And we are his children! Just as purely as I was dad’s daughter- so tooare you the sons and daughters of GOD… can you get your mind around that? Thatthe most High would call you son, daughter? Just as I trusted in the relationship I hadwith dad, so much that I had pushed from my thoughts any question as to whetherI was his “natural” child… so too can you trust in your relationship with your AbbaFather!

Thiswas such a hard concept for me, and maybe it is for you too. I battled withfeelings of unworthiness- how could God really love me? Doesn’t He know who Iam? Doesn’t He see my failures? Didn’t He hear me when I denied Him? Didn’t Hesee that I had already been tossed away, that I had been shattered, and that Icouldn’t bear much more?

Andthen came a time when I found myself on my knees, in my living room… broken.And Abba called me into His lap. It hadbeen a long time since I had rested in my daddy’s lap. Tears streaming down mycheeks I realized… no more than realizing… I understood that He wantednot just a bit of me, but all of me. Good and bad… imperfect, weak,and broken… He desired me right where I was...He understood my hurt… mypain… my brokenness.

Haveyou found that spot on your Daddy’s lap? That place under His arm that fits youperfectly? If you haven’t, He is ready. He is not a distant Creator-God… He isa God that went to the cross so that He could have a relationship with broken,flawed, imperfect you. And when God adopts you into His divine familyit’s just as pure and perfect as when my dad chose to love me. No longer do you belong to a world that speaksdeath over you… you belong to the giver of life.

Arethere things in your past you still cling to, because you are too embarrassedand ashamed to give them to God? Have you held him at arm’s length because youcan’t imagine that He would really love you? Daddy’s love no matter what! Evenwhen I scratched my name into the trunk of our “brand-new-to-us” Ford LTD… mydaddy still loved me. Even when I told lies… my daddy still loved me. Even whenI back talked… my daddy still loved me. Even though I was a “mistake”… my daddystill loved me. Daddy’s love no matter what!

Iknow there are some of you who are still trying to work your way into His grace. But grace, if by works… IS NOT GRACE. Grace takes you where you are… and washesyou clean as snow... Not because you deserve it or have earned it,but because He loves you that much! Inever had to earn my daddy’s love, he just held his arms open and I jumped in. Taliand Zach haven’t had to earn my love… it’s just there. No matter whatthey do, or who they become, I will love them. If I, a failed and brokenhuman knows how to love my children… how much more must your Daddy-God loveyou?

Won’tyou jump into your Daddy’s arms? He’s been waiting all of eterninty for thismoment, for this chance to hold you, to know you. Don’t you see? His desire tolove you ran so deep that He sent His only Son, so that we may be reconciled toHim. Whatever shame burdens your heart, Hewants to take it from you! Whatever storm is raging, He longs to shelteryou! Whatever pain you carry, He longs to comfort you!

It still hurts when I think about losingmy daddy... But my Father in Heaven knows what it’s like to lose. My beautifulJesus knows what it’s like to be separated from His Father. They understand.And in that, I find comfort.

Ionly had my daddy for nine short years… but in that time he crammed in enoughlove for a lifetime. Perfect, unconditional, no-strings-attached, genuine,deep, love. I know what it’s like to beheld secure in the arms of my daddy, both earthly and now heavenly. It took mea long time to believe that God would really love someone like me… but HEDOES!

Andguess what… He loves people like you too!

the path to peace

2012-01-24T20:43:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I had the chance to interview a beautiful womanwith a truly incredible story. As she told me aboutthe many obstacles she has faced in her life, from losing an arm at the age oftwenty-one to losing her husband at the age of thirty-seven, I marveled at herstrength and determination to carry on. Knowing that she is a woman of greatfaith now, I asked if she has always had this faith to carry her… “oh, no” cameher quick response… “and that’s why it was so hard. I didn’t know. But now,looking back, I can see that God was always there with me, I just didn’t knowit then.”

We talked for a bit about the difference it would have made ifshe would have known God her whole life. Certainly, she was still able to pressthrough the storm and come out on the other side… but she had no peace in the process.The difference now isn’t the absence of struggles, she has more than her fairshare of those, it’s the presence of peace.

“I can’t complain” she said with a sweet smile as I asked abouther current health concerns, “my life is very blessed…”

That’s what peace looks like.

In my profession, working with the aged and disabled in theirhomes, I see many, many, many people who are far less disabled than she is, with far worse attitudes. My friendHIPAA won’t let me tell you specifics, but take my word for it, there are somevery unhappy people in this world.

And the only difference is Who they know. I see so many peoplewith great faith smile from the middle of the storm, clinging to the one who isworthy, trusting His will. And, sadly, I see so many more who are lost, andconfused, and blown about by the winds of this life. Angry. Frustrated.Anxious.

As I drove away from her single-wide trailor, I thought of myown journey of faith. Those dark, dark days when I couldn’t get pregnant. I was farfrom God, and the sadness and disappointment I felt was overwhelming. I feltlost and alone and punished as I roamed aimlessly through the valley. And Iknow that I exuded darkness to others. I was impossible to be around. Oh, how that journey would have lookeddifferent if I knew then what I know now… that Godcan be trusted. No matter what, He can be trusted. Even when the answer isno, He can be trusted. And this is wherewe find peace… in trusting Him.

I know that some of you reading this post are so, so hungry for peace. Some of you are going through the storm rightnow, and all you want is a little peace. Some of you are living in householdsthat are full of chaos and strife, and you have cried out for Jesus to bringpeace a thousand times. Some of you are facing a diagnosis that terrifies, orfinances that are failing, or a marriage in decline. And all you want peace.

You have been on my heart this week. The Lord has taken me intoHis Word, prayers have been uttered in the watches of the night. Peace for yourchildren, Lord… and He is showing me there is a path to peace.

Last Saturday morning as I soaked in a sanctuary full of thesound of worship, I was drawn into Isaiah 26…

Isn’t it amazing how a scripture that you have heard dozens oftimes suddenly becomes real to you?

This was one of those times.

“Youwill keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast,because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3

Do you want peace?

Father God says...Trustme. Look to me. Focus on me. Trust me. I gotthis.

He doesn't say that He will calm every storm. He doesn’tpromise to keep this world in perfect peace, or even our own little corners ofit... oh how I wish it were that easy... no, instead He promises tokeep us [me, you] in perfect peace. Regardless of what is going on around us, He promises peace... and not just a little peace... but perfect peace.Peace that passes understanding. Peacethat is complete, peace that is bigger than the storm or trial we are walkingthrough, bigger than the rocky marriage, or declining health, or failingfinances...

But this peace that passes understanding only comes when wetrust Him, when we really, really trust Him with a steadfast trust.Isaiah 26:3 promises us this, and Philippians 4:6-7 echos the same thing:

Do notbe anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, withthanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, whichtranscends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in ChristJesus.

Jesus says... Trustme. Look to me. Focus on me. Trust me. I gotthis.

Whatever you are facing, you can take it to Jesus and trustthat He will bring peace. Maybe not to the storms in your life,but definitely to the storms in you. Have you seen people walk this out? Some of the greatest stories of faith I knoware of people who, in the midst of mind-boggling loss, or chaos, or hurtcontinue to look to Christ, and in doing so, exude such sweet peace. They are not shaken, because their foundationis secure. They are steadfast. Friends,you will only ever find real peace in Jesus, through steadfast focus on Him andHis kingdom. It is by knowing and trusting His heart, and thatHe only has good plans for you, regardless of thechaos this world may be throwing your way. It's having our eyes ever,only on Jesus. Then He will guard our hearts and minds fromthe attacks of this world. Take it to Jesus, and then trust Him withit! That is the only way we can ever hope to have real peace!

Yet, too often we put our trust in this world. In our bankaccounts or our doctors or our security. But this world will always failus. Even good, good people, will fail us at times. Jesuswill never fail us, and knowing this... really knowing this,is what keeps us in perfect peace.

It is really knowing this truth that emboldens us to live asold-out lifestyle, a steadfast life. A life that trusts Him no matter what, so that we can walkwherever He has asked us to walk in perfect peace. Even if that path goes through sickness, orloss, or hurt. It is having a mind thatis immovable, determined, intent, focused. It is trusting His enough-ness enough.

That is when peace comes.

That we can look back on all the mountains and the valleys, when we can look into our current circumstances,when we can look into the uncertainty of tomorrow and say “God is with me allthe time… my life is very blessed”.

Father, I confess that at times, I do not trust you enough. Iconfess that I worry about things that are already in Your more than capablehands. I confess that I put my trust in others, when I should always, always,always be focused on You. Father steady our minds on WHO YOU ARE. Plant in ourhearts the confidence that You will never fail us! We know this with our heads,but God I am asking that you would invade our hearts with this truth, so thatour eyes would ever and always be fixed on yours... in your beautiful Son'sname I pray... amen...

happy birthday, to the little girl who changed my life...

2012-01-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

Twelve and a half years ago I made a routine visit to mydoctor’s office. After the visit, as Isat on the side of the table, he asked “is there anything else we need to talkabout”. I remember the nervous tension filling my body as the words tumbled out…“well… maybe it’s not a big deal, but we’ve been trying to have a baby forabout a year, with no luck”.

I also remember the look on the doctor’s face. Concern.

He quickly responded that it did not have to be a big deal,but that really, we should be doing prenatal visits by now. Let’s look a littlecloser.

An ultrasound later, my mind was spinning with newterminology, a diagnoses, prescriptions…

PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It explained so much…missed cycles, no baby, that frustrating couple of hairs on mychinny-chin-chin. There was still blood work to be done, but the doctor wascertain this was the cause of our delay.

What was already a preoccupation with getting pregnant becamea full out obsession. The next months were a flurry of fertility drugs, basalthermometers, cycle charts, message boards, pregnancy tests, internet research…it was a roller coaster from the heights of hope, to the depths of disappointment.It was a season of feeling less-than. Friends got pregnant who weren’t even trying… what was wrong with me that Icouldn’t have a baby? What had I done? There were days laying in a darkened bedroom when the blood testrevealed no chance of ovulation.

And I was going it alone. Of course Jim was there (he wasnecessary to the process, after all)… butI was far from God at the time. The depth of hopelessness I felt during thisseason haunts me… it reminds me of what the lost in this world deal with everysingle day. Going through this worldwithout Romans 8:28, or Jeremiah 29:11 or Psalm 139. It was heartbreaking and lonely and dark.

Yes, I was far from God. But now I know, He was never far from me. He knew just what Ineeded, and I am so thankful that even before I knew 2 Timothy was a book inthe Bible, His promises found there held true… and even when I was faithless, He remained faithful. That the One who knows the end from thebeginning, knew that the child He was weaving together in my womb would be thevery thing that led me back to Him…

With the clearest recollection, I remember the moment Ipushed “play” on my answering machine and heard the nurse excitedly report “Iwas mistaken, Becky… I looked at last month’s results. We just got your testback and it looks like you DID ovulate this month!”

Hope.

The first glimmer of hope on the darkest of horizons. I knewthat there was only a small chance that I would actually get pregnant after oneovulation… yet there was hope.

It was mid-May, and I was job coaching a client at a localnursing home. I never worked on Sundays, but this was an exception. It wasearly in the morning, and suddenly I felt sick. I ran to the bathroom and thenreturned to work. A few minutes later it happened again…

Splashing water on my face, in the bathroom of a nursinghome that is no longer even there, I looked in the mirror and realized… it’s Mother’s Day. Could this be themost incredible mother’s day gift ever?Could I dare to hope that big?? Ireturned to my client, an older, out-spoken woman, who declared with noquestion in her mind “girl, you are pregnant”.

Five pregnancy tests later I finally believed her.

[Yes, five. I told you I was obsessed]

I had the most amazing pregnancy with this little one. In fact, thatMother’s Day was the only time I was even sick. I knew even at that time that getting sick that morning was a special gift from God. It was a gift I didn’t deserve. To find out I was going to be a Mother, on Mother’s Day. Isn’t He beautiful?

And while that was a gift, I could not in my wildestimaginings know what a precious gift this child would be to my life. This little one that I dreamed would be a little girl, with lots of hair and dark eyes like her daddy.

And on January 17, 2001 that dream came true.

A brand new Tali Sue

We named her Tali Susanne. Talley was my maiden name, and it was an honor to pay homage to my own daddy, Joe Talley. But more than that, the baby name books revealed that Tali is a derivative of Talia, which is a Hebrew name that means "Dew from Heaven". It seemed appropriate, this child who felt like a miracle after a year and a half of the infertility roller coaster... but little could I know how prophetic her name would be.

As I sit here looking to my wall of pictures, the memoriescome flooding back. Her bright-eyed newborn picture. A child with an “old soul”,many of my friends would say. Always aware, always watching… absorbing herworld. The toddler who would ask Mamaw how her hip was feeling. So tender, soempathetic. The 2.5 year old so excitedto take her first dance class… watching her through the glass as she bent downand forced her feet into first position with her hands. The big sister holdingher prize and joy in the form of a squirmy, red newborn brother. The littlegirl who led me back to Jesus.

You know how babies are, you want to show them off. So aweek after she was born, I dolled her up and headed to church. Now I had been attendingchurch on and off for a while, but it was nothing serious… it just seemed to bethe right thing to do. Sitting in that pew that Sunday, I knew thatshe should be raised in a church, just as I had been. And so those intermittenttrips to FBC Bicknell became regular.

And God began speaking to me. Calling to me. He wanted more than an hour of my time. Hewanted me.

Still, I resisted.

My daughter, however, was falling in love with Jesus. She would dance in worship, while I worried what everyone would think of me if I raised my hands. And thiskid talked about God all of the time. Everything she learned in children’schurch became discussion later that day. She reminded me of the love I once hadfor Him.

Still, I resisted.

It’s not that I didn’twant Jesus. It’s that I did want theworld. And I wouldn’t sacrifice the latter to have the former. I wascomfortable in my sin, and I wanted to stay there. Couldn’t I just have them both?

And then, when Tali was 3 years old… we skipped church to goto the campground and visit with Mamaw and Papaw. Tali was walking their puppy on a leash, shewas watching the dog… she didn’t see where she was going… but her daddy did. Heyelled out “Tali! Tali! Tali!” and began to run her direction. I turned just intime to see my precious little miracle falling backward into the campfire ring.

Everyone else ran to her- Jim was almost to her already. Mybrother was right behind. But I couldn’t go. I couldn’t face what I might see.I turned my face to the sky and covering my eyes with my hands I cried out… OhJesus, please protect her. Please protect her. Please protect her.

Shouts interrupted my prayers- “Water! Water!” I turned to see a cooler sitting nearby. Throwing the lastfew items left from a long weekend camping out on the ground, Jim plunged herinto the icy water. My mind reminded me that ice isn’t good for burns, but wehad no other options and so we had to make do. I remember looking at herlittle face… the sheer terror in her eyes. She wasn’t even crying- just lookingback up at us in fear. We didn’t bother to check her over- we just got immediately in the car and went to the hospital.

It was there, with her on my lap in the front seat, wrappedin a wet towel, that I looked at her little hand, now twice its size. I remember thinking that it looked like a lion's paw. Yellowish with blisters that covered the entire underside of her fingers and palm. Surelyher back was just as bad. She was laying on a bed of hot coals, her legsdangling over the edge of a steel fire ring. Surely we were on our way toWishard, a hospital with a burn unit a couple of hours away. I prayed in herear for her to have the strength to show her hand to the doctors and nurses. Tobe courageous as they treated her wounds. For God to protect her body fromshock.

And you know, although my heart had resisted His call timeand time and time again… He heeded every one of those prayers. Because He knows the end from the beginning.He knew just what I needed.

Jesus indeed protected her as she lay in that fire ring. Unexplainably,her hand was the only significant injury. Her back had one minor burn, andalthough her legs were dirty from the fire ring- the ring that sizzled and crackledwhen my family poured water on the remainder of the coals- they were not hurt. Her left hand had a few small burns. But herright hand. It was bad.

She had to go through 10 days of painful debridement andtwice daily bandage changes. And she was so brave. I couldn’t help but think of the irony that,having just started going to SonShine Kids she had memorized only one Bibleverse in her little life. Isaiah 41:10:

Tali, the day before her accident.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Pulling up to the hospital every morning, she would say “doI have to go in, Mommy?” and when I told her we had to, to make her hand better…she would get out of the car, take my hand, and walk in bravely. I never had tocarry this three year old child, kicking and screaming into the place thatwould cause her such pain. She walked in of her own accord. What courage!

When debridement was over, and I can’t even describe to youwhat that time in that little room was like, she would go to her therapist… andgive them a hug. As if to comfort them. What grace!

And when debridement got particularly bad, and I was questioning why He wouldallow this to happen to my little girl, why not me… her comment to the song on the radio broke in to my thoughts… “Hey mommy! This song is about my bestfriend, God!” Less than fifteen minutes after enduring the pain ofscalpels and scissors, she reminded me that God was still her best friend. What faith!

When I felt that things were looking hopeless, and the PT ona Sunday morning warned that she was seeing little improvement, Tali went tochurch and raised her hand in worship… and what were the words being sung?? “I never said you woudn’t have to walkthrough the fire…” What love!

Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I amyour God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will strengthen you with myrighteous right hand.

She recited this verse during this time. And I learned thatit was true.

It was then, that God began to wreck my heart. He showed meHis son, through my daughter. Throughher courage, her grace, her faith, and her love… I met Jesus in an entirelydifferent way. It set me on the path to real relationship... a relationship thatis everything to me now. And then, justto put the icing on the cake (after all, He is a lavish Father), He began to heal her hand that day… so that nografts or surgeries or even physical therapy was required.

Tali’s love for Jesus has only grown over the last eightyears. And that courage, grace, faith, and love that were first evidenced in athree year old have carried her far with the Lord. She has a zeal for Him. Jesus is her first love,and she always keeps that in perspective. Recently given a chance to take an additionaldance class a week (which she wants to do sobadly), she told me she just couldn’t, because Monday is Bible Study nightand her week “just isn’t right without Bible Study”. When she heard about kids enslaved in Africa,she didn’t just feel sorry for them, she didsomething, joining with a friend and launching Kids 4 Freedom. When her teacher gave her the chance to teacha Bible Study during recess one day a week, she didn’t question the call andsaid yes.

And so I continue to learn from her. From her dedication toher priorities… from her conviction to the be a world-changer, never complacentwith the knowledge that “someone else” will do it… from her trusting the callGod has on her life, and following it whole heartedly (okay, okay, so I’m stilllearning this last lesson, but with His help I am working on it)…

When I look back over the last eleven years… I can’t imagine my life without Tali. Tosay that she changed my life is an understatement… she has changed my eternity. She is not perfect (for more on that you canread this post), but she is in love with Jesus, and He is working her towardperfection, just as He is all of us! AndI am so thankful that, in the book of my life, He wrote in this beautiful childto be a part of that process. Not just for me, but for her daddy as well.

He truly knew, just what we needed when he knit hertogether. He knew that our hearts were far from Him. He also know that a little child shall lead them. He sent us a precious gift inTali Sue.

Beautiful Tali, loving on her Daddy God

Our “Dew from Heaven”. Certainly, that is exactly what this child is… precious dew from His hand, sent to quench this dryand weary land. She started with the arid desert of my heart, and then turnedher gentle gift of grace on her daddy, leading him to church when myinvitations sounded like nagging. Shenow prays for others in our family to know the relationship she knows. She shares her love for her Savior with herfriends at school in her Bible Study. And my heart is preparing itself for the continued plans the Lord hasfor her… to quench the desert places of the world with His grace and love. He isn't done with her yet.

Birthdays are meant for celebrating, and so today Icelebrate my beautiful daughter. The one who knew I was worried about the storm this morning, and so texted me "Love You" just before entering school and turning her phone off. The child whom I am given the responsibilityof teaching, guiding, encouraging… This child who has done all of those things for me.

I love you, Tali Sue... there are not enough words to express how big that love is... Thank you for who you are...

And thank you Father, for giving this special, precious gift to someone like me. What grace...

win-win? lose-win?

2012-01-15T09:36:00.001-05:00

The news rang through the house… such sweet, sweet words…“Kids! There’s a two hour delay!” Shutting off alarms, and rolling over in their warm beds they headedback to sleep. I settled in on the couch, dozing as I watched the morning news.

[I could get use to this.]

A couple of hours later, the kids having crawled from theircocoons are sitting drowsily with me. The morning news has rolled over into the“Today” show, which was celebrating its 60^th anniversary. Togetherwe watched snips and clips from times far gone. The people, places, and thingsthat made the news… as well as thepeople, places, and things that made the news fun. Amongst the fond memoriesand blooper reels were serious moments as each of the previous hosts talkedabout things that impacted them most during their tenure in the Today showchair.

The kids watched, and laughed, and grew serious- all at justthe right moments. They were familiar with many of the news stories that werementioned- the death of John Lennon (and how it made Jane Pauley cry), 9/11unfolding on live television (and how it made the nation cry), the first “RoyalWedding” (and how our fascination with the Royals intensified)...

And then Katie Couric shared the story that changed her themost… interviewing the father of Isaiah Sheols and brother of Rachel Scott just twelve hours after the tragedy atColumbine happened. It was strange to me, as I watched from my couch, after allof the emotional stories that had already been touched on… this is the one thatcaused unexpected tears to spring to my eyes.

“What is this about?” came Tali’s question, it was a newsstory unfamiliar to her. Tears in myeyes I recounted the story of the two boys who showed up to their school withguns… I also shared the story of the young Rachel Scott whose legacy impactedmy own life in a profound way. This girl who, being challenged by the boys torenounce her faith refused to do so, and was killed.

Silence hung in the living room for a few moments. I wipedaway tears. The kids stared at the television. What great sacrifice. What abeautiful example of a sold out life.

And then, Tali’s little voice broke through the silence, resolve in her voice, perhaps even a bit of defiance, “IfI was ever in that situation, I would do the same thing. Because that’s awin-win. No, really it’s a lose-win, because here you can’t see Jesus face toface…” For the next few minutes, sheattempted to work through this thought… whichis it? Is it a win-win? Is it a lose-win? Which is better?

I was surprised by her words. The love she has for Jesus… that above all things, she wants to be withHim. If only more could get a hold of this kind of love. This kind oftrust. Knowing that He is the onlyOne that matters. I had no response for her. No answer to her quandary. She was lost in her own thoughts... I lost in mine...

Immediately Paul’s words came to mind… “For me to live isChrist and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will meanfruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am tornbetween the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body…” [Philippians1:21-24]

The Apostle Paul wrestled through this same question. Ah, todepart, that is better by far- for you will be with Christ. But to stay… thatmeans more chance to do His work, to labor for Him! It is because of this confidence, confidencethat no matter what He trusts God’swill, if that is to keep him here, or bring him into eternity… it’s going to beokay. Better than okay…

That’s having your eyes on Jesus. That’s being focused onthe One worthy of our trust. That’s a life that is willing to go wherever He calls. And that, when facedwith danger, holds fast in our faith. The Apostle Paul is a beautiful picture ofthis kind of trust… trust that enabled him to find contentment, despite thecircumstance. To speak words that would bring a price upon his head. To challenge unhealthy practices withingrowing churches. To go where God toldhim to go, and stay where God told him to stay.

That’s what a life lived for an Audience of One lookslike.

It’s a heart that says “Whatever you will, God… that’s what I want… Whatever you dreamedme to be, Father… that’s what I want…Whatever you have purposed for my family, Lord… that’s what I want…”

It’s a heart that lives to hear those sweet, sweet words…“Well done, good and faithful servant”…

It’s a heart that lives to love Jesus, no matter the cost.

It’s a heart that lives to know Him, and make Him known.

But instead, human nature is to look to one another for thosethings. To look to our husbands for affirmation. To look to our children forunconditional love. To look to our jobs for success. To look to our bankaccount for security. And then, whereare we… when those things fail. When our spouse’s prove that they are justfailed humans too. When our children’s spit in our face and choose the world.When our job ends. When our finances fail.

He is the only one who will never break our heart. He is theonly one who will NEVER turn His back. He is the one who is unending. He is theone who can not fail… He is the only Audience worth living for!He is the only Audience worthy of our adoration and praise! He is the only onewho can complete us! In the end, He is the only Audience whose opinion matters!

Yet so often, we ignore the call of God to go, to say, to do… because wefear what man will say. What our spouse will say, or friends, or coworkers, or pastors, or family. Under so much lesspressure than Rachel Scott, we deny Him, maybenot in our words, but in our action, in our lives, in our disobedience. She wasunder the threat of death and clung to Him, yet wewill deny Him under the threat of a disapprovinglook, or fear of failure, or being “the only one”…

[I do it too]

And what is the cost of this kind of life? What is the costof living life out of fear? Looking to man instead of God… playing to any audience other than the Audience ofOne? What is the cost? One day, we will find ourselves standing before God… andwe will be like that servant who given one talent, hid it. The master was not pleased.

[I don’t want to bethat guy]

One of the deepest longings of my heart is to some day hear “welldone, good and faithful servant”. Themere thought of it, causes tears to well in my eyes. What a beautiful moment that will be! This is the longing of anylover of Jesus, to know that we have served Him well, loved Him well. Friends, we can only hear these words if we learnto play to the Audience of One hereon earth. If we learn to set aside the fear of man in exchange for the glory ofGod.

Rachel Scott lived for an Audience of One. Reading throughher journals, it is obvious that she was just a little girl, faced with thesame temptations as other teens, struggling with the same questions as otherChristians, yet always looking to the One she could trust. The One she loved.The One she knew was worthy. It was this devotion to her Savior that caused twotroubled boys to target her on that terrible day. Yet whatthe world intended for evil, God meant for good. Because that day, RachelScott won. That day she looked toJesus and not to this world! Thatday she made Jesus known to millionsof people! And surely, that very day, she heard those beautiful words, “well done, good andfaithful servant”…

Father, make us likePaul, like Rachel… Give us the courage and boldness to live for you and you alone. Father plant in our hearts the Truth of your kingdom, and make that thegreatest desire of our heart. Make us a people so sold out for you, Lord, thatwe would look to you and you alone to affirm us, guide us, love us, completeus… Make us a people that trust you. That trust your promises. That will takethe difficult stand in your Name, Lord. Father, help us to trust your will no matter what it looks like… that even in times ofhardships, we would trust your heart. Father, make us a people who chase hardafter you, a people who count the cost so that we can finish this race well…always, always pointing to your beautiful Son...

blessed are those who hunger...

2012-01-10T21:58:00.000-05:00

I want to live a sold out kind of life. I want to look likethe disciples, who were willing to give up all that they knew to follow the Onewho promised the Truth. I want to trust Jesus, even when He calls me to darkplaces. I want to live a life that is set apart. I want to be okay withstanding out in a crowd.

But truth is… most of the time I am too distracted by lifeto really be sold out. I am too distracted by worry, or fear, or hobbies, orwork, or family, or… you get the idea.

And when I wake up and look around and find myself wallowingin complacency, I get sodisappointed.

How could I be striving so strongly one week, and so blinded thenext? But really, it's easy to do, isn’t it? Biblereading becomes routine, going to church becomes habit, and spiritually youfind yourself nodding off. I guess that’s where I found myself a couple of weeksago. It felt as though I was standing amongst the crowd of on-lookersrather than sitting at the Rabbi’s feet… and I was sodisappointed in myself. Surely our Father was disappointed too. I trip up so often. I'm so far from where I desire to be in Him. I forget the power and authority that I have through Him. I look to the world rather than His heart...

And then, our beautiful, gracious, loving Father whisperedthe most beautiful thing to me…

“Becky, I love your hunger”…

He wasn’t disappointed that I failed. He wasn’t angered thatI grew sleepy. He wasn’t frustrated with me. He was ravished by one who sincerely wants more than that. Who looks around and realizes that this is not enough. Who is not satisfiedwith the status quo.

I'm not suggesting that it's okay to grow complacent (or that I have it all figured out!)... I'm saying that perhaps that awakening to our complacency does not necessarily mean we have lost all traction and are skidding down the side of the mountain we have been climbing... rather for those who awaken dissatisfied, it could mean that we have found ourselves on a plateau, or camping out for a bit on the side of the Holy Hill. As a friend and I were discussing this very topic, it occurred to me that this place she is in, which feels very lukewarm to her now, is the very place she was striving for when she first became a Christian. But having arrived there, and being there for a while, her spirit is awakening to the truth that there is more. There is always more. And she is hungering after that more.

If you are awakening to the more... hungering after that more...God says "I love your hunger"...

I share this to encourage your spirit, just as mine wasnourished by those sweet words whispered directly to my heart. God is not mad at you. If you are notall that you think He desires you to be,don’t beat yourself up about it… He is enthralled that your heart desires more! He is ravished by you. Heis ravished by your hunger. He isn’tdisappointed that you aren’t there yet… Heis thrilled that THERE is the place you desire to go.

You see, that point of dissatisfaction is a demonstration ofyour hunger. And Jesus loves hungrypeople! Nestled amongst eight blessed-are’s in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount wefind this one…

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, forthey will be filled” [Matthew 5:6]

It doesn’t say “Blessed are the righteous…”

It says “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst forrighteousnenss…”

Sold out people are hungry. They are hungry forrighteousness. They are hungry for Jesus, the giver of righteousness. They are hungry for MORE.

Even when they stand amongst crowds who are satisfied withchurch on Sunday. Even when they live with people who have just “enough”Jesus. Even when everyone else is seems okaywith living with one foot in the world and one foot in the church… they hunger and thirst for MORE.

There are many characteristics of the sold out life. But Ithink that sort of lifestyle has to start here… with thehunger. Sold out people are alwayshungry.

Although Jesus is enough… yes, He is MORE than enough… onecan never have enough Jesus. He isbig beyond our wildest imaginings, the Word through which all of creation cameto be… and no matter how much of Him you know, or have experienced… there is always more.

And sold out people desire the more.

Even in those seasons of apparent complacency, there is aholy dissatisfaction growing inside… an uneasiness that eventually overflowsinto conviction. So, strapping boots back on, the sold out look to the HolyHill and march on. Unsatisfied with anything less than the indwelling of theLiving God. Unsatisfied with anything less than His presence. Unsatisfied withanything less than becoming that which He imagined you to be as He formed youin your mother’s womb.

You are hungry formore. You wouldn't have read thisfar if you weren’t. This is the first step... this is the foundation for living a sold out life. It has to start with a desire for more. A hunger and a thirst for righteousness... for they will be filled. He loves your hunger!

Father, stir within us even tonight a desire for more of you. Wake us up from our complacency, from our place in the crowd. Open our eyes to the person you created us to be, and put the striving in our hearts to seek after that with all that we have. Father make us a people willing to live dangerously for you... a people who trust you ENOUGH no matter what the cost. Cause us to hunger and thirst for your righteousness, for your Son, for your Spirit... Thank you Father for your grace, your mercy, your love. Thank you for being a Father who is ravished by us... and help us to walk in that identity...

counting the cost

2012-01-09T22:25:00.002-05:00

A week or so ago, a friend of mine posed this question onher facebook status…

“…to follow after Jesus… What does that mean? What does thatrequire of me?”

Of course, for followers of Jesus the immediate responsecomes… “everything”.

But what is everything?

My friend wasn’t looking for someone else to define this forher, rather she was inviting us to seek our hearts … to seek a deeperdefinition… to count the cost.

Her questions have echoed in my mind all week. What does it mean to follow after Jesus. Whatdoes it require? What does everything look like? Am I reallywilling to lay down all that He hasasked me to lay down? Even more, am I willing to pick up what He’s asked me tocarry?

In Luke 15:25-35 Jesus says to the large crowd that had beentraveling with him:

^25-27"Anyonewho comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children,brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone whowon't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.
^28-30"Is there anyone here who, planning to builda new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if youcan complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money,you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you:'He started something he couldn't finish.' ^31-32"Or can you imagine a king going into battleagainst another king without first deciding whether it is possible with his tenthousand troops to face the twenty thousand troops of the other? And if hedecides he can't, won't he send an emissary and work out a truce?
³³"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what isdearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be mydisciple.” {the Message paraphrase}

I am trying to picture this… Jesus’ ministry is really beginning to pick up steam. He is preachin’and teachin’, healing people and casting out demons. Crowds are forming. Following. People want tobe near Him. People want to hear Him. He was a preacher on the fasttrack to a mega-church… and He turns to the crowd and says “If you aren’t willing to leave everything, even your own children… even your SELF… you can’t be my disciple!COUNT THE COST! Only come, if you arewilling to GO THE DISTANCE! If youaren’t willing to lay down what I ask you to lay down, and pick up what I askyou to pick up… even a cross that leads to pain, shame,…death… then don’t bother coming at all.”

Imagine a mega-evangelist looking into the faces ofthousands and saying “If you aren’t willing to give it all up, don’t come at all.”

I haven’t looked into it, but I’m pretty sure that’s not inmany of the “how to build your church” books out there. But Jesus wasn’t building a church. He wasbuilding a Church. A Kingdom. A Kingdomthat is worth it all!

He isn’t looking for fans. He isn’t looking for a crowd ofon-lookers. He is looking for disciples.People willing to leave their fishing nets at the side of the lake and follow Him. People willing to walk intodangerous situations knowing that the Gospel is worth it. People willing tosacrifice. People willing to go the distance.

When Jesus came to this earth, He knew what it would take to complete His mission. And yet Hecame. He counted the cost, and then He walked through this life knowing itwould end with a cross. He knew theKingdom, and He knew the Kingdom was worth it. He knew you and knew that you areworth it.

He invites us to countthe cost. To search our lives and realize what “everything” looks like. Are you willing?

When I sit back and consider… our God is so big He holds the entire universe inthe span of His hand [Isaiah 42:12]… the entireuniverse. Consider that! Really consider it! Our own Milky Way has over 200billion stars, and that’s only one of 100s of billions of galaxies! Heholds all of that in the span of Hishand! Not only that, He created all of that… with a word! With His very breath.

That’s a BIG God.

And yet He has yourname carved on the palm of that very samehand [Isaiah 49:16]. He knows every hair on your head [Luke 12:7], everyhurt in your heart, captures every tear in a bottle [Psalm 56:8]. He loves you enough to call you son,daughter [1 John 3:1]. He loves you enough, to lay down His very own life… for you [Romans 5:8]. That’s anoverwhelming love!

That’s a crazykind of love!

And so… when faced with the knowledge of a God who loves usso much He was willing to die for us… a God so intimate that He ministersdirectly to our heart… What will our response be? How can we respondhalf-heartedly to One who gave His everything?

What does it look like to follow Jesus? What does itrequire? What will it cost? What doeseverything look like?

Perhaps the reason this question struck me... is I have sensed Jesus asking my heart this same question for some time now. Starting several years ago when I first read Crazy Love by Francis Chan [if you haven't read that yet, skip my blog and pick it up instead!]. Over the last year there has been a greater and greater longing in my soul to live a life that is sold out for Jesus... to really play to an Audience of One... but what does that look like? What is everything? A few weeks ago I had the chance to share with a group of people some of the things God has put on my heart about living in the light of His crazy love... what it means to live a sold out life. As I prayed and contemplated and put those thoughts rattling around my mind out into the atmosphere, I realized there is so much more.

So… I want to dig deeper. I want to dig deeper than I did with thatBible Study on a sold out life. I want to dig deeper on this concept of everything. I want to look intoscripture, and my heart, and God’s heart, and the heart of the Body and discover whata sold out life looks like. And then, I want to live it.

This is a dangerous undertaking. I fear the responsibilityof knowing. But how much worse to be complacent. To be one who failed to count thecost… and couldn’t finish the mission.

I want to have a heart postured before Him in such a waythat everything really, really,really means everything.

If you are up for some dangerous living, I invite you tojoin me on this quest. This journey. This adventure. Over the next couple of weeks, I hope to lookat different characteristics of the sold out life. The characteristics aren’tmine… some are concepts from Chan’s book, many are gleaned from looking at thelives of Jesus and His disciples, some are insights into the lives of otherbelievers, a few are convictions of my own heart… and your everything and myeverything are going to look different. But in the end… that’s what Herequires. Everything.

…to follow Jesus… what does that mean? What doesthat require of me?

Winds of change...

2012-01-01T09:36:00.001-05:00

I awoke this first day if 2012 to the sound of wind gusting around our little house. I look out the window to see the naked trees dancing and straining against its force.

And I think...."the winds of change are blowing"....

Can you feel it? Can you sense it? Can you hear the winds of change?

God is up to something. I sense it on a microscopic scale in my own family. The deeper intimacy He is calling us to. A deeper dependence on Him. It is both exciting and intimidating. Less of me, more of Him. The deepest longing of my heart yet I cannot tell you that it is not frightening. I look into history and scripture and see that the path of the sold out life is not an easy one...

The winds of change, they rearrange things. They remove trampolines and spill garbage in our yards and bring down tree limbs above our heads.

Human nature is to brace ourselves against the wind. To lean in to it, to push through it. To replace and repair that which it takes from us.

What if, instead, we embrace the wind. We run to the yards with our kite, raise a banner into the wind, a colorful diamond against the sky... We fly and soar and dive and climb with the gusts. What if? What if we trusted the winds?

Or instead, what if we trusted the One who orchestrated this dance of air. Who gives power to the breeze so that mighty trees would bend. What if we trusted?

2011 was an incredible year... it was a year of waiting on Him, and learning to hear His voice on a whole new level. It was a year of stepping into the person He is creating me to be, that one that He imagined as he skillfully wove me together in my mother's womb. It was a year of learning how to trust the only One who is trustworthy.

Yet the measure of our trust is not how loudly we proclaim it, but how quietly we live it.

This morning, as the wind causes fall's leftovers to dance down the street, I sense that this will be a year of learning to live out that trust. That is what I desire... to live a life of trust. A life of knowing His enough-ness no matter what this world may bring. A life of trusting the direction He is blowing me, my family, my church, my community.

Ah, Lord... let 2012 be that year. Let this be the year that we live out our trust in you. That we do not fear the winds of change, but embrace the wind-maker. Let us raise a banner into the gusty air, dance down the streets with the joy of the leaves, glide as the birds on the air currents... Let us walk out a life of TRUST. Trust in You, the One who is faithful in all things...

offering

2011-12-23T09:10:00.000-05:00

"Oh that you would shut the temple doors so that you would not light useless fires on my altar! I am not pleased with you" says the LORD Almighty. [Malachi 1:10]

How these words pierced my heart the first time I read them. Throughout the Old Testament we read the story of a loving Father who has called, provided for, delivered, protected, disciplined, encouraged, and loved a people. A nation. When they cried for food in the desert, He sent manna. When they cried for meat, He sent meat. When they cried for a king, He provided a king. When they cried for deliverance, He delivered. When they cried for His presence, He filled the temple. When they cried for mercy, He was merciful.

And yet, at the close of these thirty nine sacred texts it has come to this.

A Father saying "I would rather you not visit me at all, than bring the detestable sacrifices you are bringing". Does it pierce your heart?

"When you bring injured, crippled, or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?" says the LORD. "Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord." [Malachi 1:13-14a]

A people reduced to offering their second (or third, or fourth...) best to a Father who had always loved them well. And after centuries of disobedience and idolatry, He was finally fed up.

"Oh that you would shut the temple doors so that you would not light useless fires on my altar!" There it is, the exclamation point that draws my attention. They are rare in Scripture and so demand a closer look. I hear such pain in these words. Heartbreak. It is a Father saying to His son "if you can't treat me with any more respect than this... just go!"

And in case we did not yet understand, our Father spells it out... "I am not pleased with you".

I remember days with two year old Zachary, always full of energy and curiosity, figuring out his world and often times finding himself in trouble. Except in his exuberance and childlike ignorance... he never seemed to realize that he was being disciplined until I sat him in a chair, dropped to my knees, looked him right in the eye and said sternly "you are in TROUBLE". He literally didn't know until he was told. Then his little face would crumble, tears welling in his eyes...

That is what this passage of scripture makes me feel like. Because I read it, and I look into my life... and I see so many areas that I offer God my second, or third, or fourth best... Times I spend watching trash on television that I could be meditating on His word. Times I spend saying things that should not be said, when I could be using my words to edify and encourage others. Times I put my desire for that pretty new thing over His call to live generously. Times I have stopped short of saying the things He has put in my heart to say.

And then, a mere 1000 or so words later, God falls silent. After a millennium of near constant contact with the Father through His prophets, His words cease falling to earth. Four hundred long years of... silence.

"I am not pleased with you"...

Had these been the last words heard from Heaven, where would our hope be?

But His plan was not to leave us in our sin. He looked upon our detestable sacrifices, our second and third and fourth best... and answered with His own Son. Like any fine Father, He led by example, offering His very best. Himself. God-Man. A perfect, unblemished sacrifice. Once for All. What we were unable to do, He accomplished for us.

I think of those moments when my children were born. The time between birth and hearing their first feeble cries... the air heavy in the room with the wait. Unable to see what the doctors and nurses were doing, these cries were the reassurance that all was okay. The wait over, new life begun.

To think... of the babe Jesus... his first cries echoing from the stone walls of a crude stable... after four hundred years of the wait.

The reassurance that all was okay.

New life begun.

Not just for this extraordinary child. But for all. This baby, born to die. It's hard to grasp. Impossible to get our minds around... Baby with fists pumping in the air that would one day carry the nails. For you. For me.

How all of creation must have craned to hear those cries. How all of heaven must have leaned in to see this moment of Light entering the darkness. A collective sigh of comfort and hope and knowledge that all was okay.

Jesus, showing us the way.

This is what sacrifice looks like. This is an offering pleasing to God. The One who gave Himself. The One who led by example. Bearing the weight of our sin and our shame, fulfilling the law... no longer are rams and sheep carried into the temple. He paid the price. He was wrapped in swaddling clothes, so that we may someday wear robes of righteousness.

He came as a babe, offering of Self, so that we may know this overwhelming love of the Father. So that we may be able to offer of self. Offer our heart. Offer our will. Offer our minds. All to the One who is worthy. All to the One who made a way for us to approach the throne of grace without bloodstained hands.

When we were unable to reconcile ourselves to God. He reconciled Himself to us.

Don't lose your wonder this Christmas season. We celebrate so much more than the birth of a baby... we celebrate the birth of a Savior. A baby, born to die. A baby who came so that we would know the way. That we would know the path of humility. Servanthood. Love. Boldness. Hope. Relationship. Sacrifice.

Don't lose your wonder at what this babe came to accomplish. What He DID accomplish. Piercing the silence with the cries of an infant, cries that brought hope and life and light.

I think of Father God looking me directly in the eye. The intensity of His gaze... but the words... the words have changed. No longer those words that pierce my heart with condemnation...

a different set of heart-piercing words... "well done, good and faithful servant..." Ah, to hear those words some day!

All because of a baby, crying out from a manger. Because of His sacrifice. His example. His Spirit indwelling and guiding. Because He has shown us the way to the Father... this babe. This babe the way. Because of this baby, we may hear these beautiful words from the Father who only knows how to love well.

Don't lose your wonder this Christmas Season! Four hundred years of silence shattered by the cries of a newborn.

What a difference a baby makes....!

tied together with love

2011-12-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

This weekend was incredible. On Saturday morning I had the great pleasure of gathering with some beautiful women of God from our area who have a heart for Jesus and a desire to be His hands and feet. The project was simple... make blankets for those who find themselves sleeping in the cold this Christmas.

It started with piles and piles and piles of fleece... every color of the rainbow, soft patterns, even some jazzy zebra stripes. Next came cutting, tying knot after knot after knot after knot... then repeat. Twenty-one times.

As we worked, our thoughts kept turning to the homeless that will receive these blankets. It occurred to me as I worked along that we probably could have just bought blankets [already made] that would have kept these precious people warm... but isn't there something special about receiving a handmade gift? Knowing that someone cared enough, to do this just for you. Yes it is a special feeling to know that you are wrapped in a blanket tied together with love... each knot a prayer for your protection, that you would encounter God and the love He has for you, that He would make a way out of the darkness...

I saw the pile of "breakfasts in a bag" the SonShine Kids had put together for this same outreach, gloves donated by another... I was so happy to be a part of the project, but I have to admit there was a longing in my heart to do more. Giving the gift of a blanket and a breakfast is a beautiful thing [especially a handmade one!]... but my heart still broke knowing that these blankets would find homes on the streets. Wrapping around people who feel hopeless, forgotten... cold. I found my heart crying out to God "don't let this be the end, show us how to do more. Show us how to love these folks well...to use the resources we have for your Kingdom... guide us Lord..."

You know what they say... be careful what you ask for.

How could I have expected to hear these words the following morning in my own church... "they are staying in their car, is it okay if they take one of the blankets...?" Of course! Of course... you didn't need to ask. Of course...

And then the quickening of the Holy Spirit. Maybe you can't make a way for every one of those 21 blankets, tied together with love, to make their way to an actual bed under an actual roof with actual heat. But what about this one?

Over the next several hours, I was blown away as I saw the Body of Christ respond to this need. I sit here in tears as I recall the overwhelming response to a quiet plea to help. None of those who answered the call knew the people who needed assistance, and even more... They didn't bother to ask. They just gave. They tapped into their own, personal resources the week before Christmas. They pulled strings and called in favors. They mobilized resources from church. And within hours a couple was led to a modest room, with a real bed and real roof and real heat... Boxes and bags of food, toiletries, towels, toothbrushes all unloaded and put away... Gas cards tucked safely away in their pocket... bowls, skillet, dog kennel... Every perceived need met by anonymous faces. The hands and feet and heart of Jesus.

All of this, so that this couple who is seeking Christ could know and rely on the love the Father has for them. A Divine encounter in a hotel room where Jesus' heart met theirs.

I don't know why He would allow me to see this unfold first hand... except that He knows the desire of my heart to see the Body come together. And He knew how I would rejoice in seeing resources come from people connected to so many different churches and denominations. It was such a beautiful thing. It is such a beautiful thing. This weekend I caught a glimpse of His Bride... from quick fingers working hundreds of knots to quiet deliveries of food to text messages that say "I have room"... it was a beautiful, beautiful thing... and I could see why He is so ravished by Her beauty...!

So many times the church gets it wrong... we judge, and criticize, and stumble, and fail... but let us not forget the times when she gets it right. When her eyes are on Him, and she quickens to His call. When her heart is beating in rhythm with His, her hands are moving under His guidance, and her feet are going steadfast on the path He has laid before her... let us remember these times. Focus on them... and be encouraged to do more!

If you are interested in getting involved... let me know. We are going to continue to get together every month or so to make blankets so we can have even more to hand out next Christmas. You can participate by donating money, buying fleece, or showing up and tying knots. Let me know if you are interested and I will keep you in the loop on upcoming meetings.

You can also join me in praying for the other 20 blankets. I am believing God to make a way for each of those blankets to make their way from the street to a real bed with a real roof over it and real heat blowing through vents in real walls. And I am believing that He is going to use His Body to make it happen, and that He will be glorified through Her obedience! I know it may not happen immediately for all of those blankets, but I trust His timing, and it will be as perfect as last night was... His heart meeting ours. Our hearts meeting theirs. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing... being tied together with love.

Lightbearers

2011-12-15T18:01:00.001-05:00

My dancer falls asleep on the seat beside me and I am left with my prayer-thoughts and the darkness stretching out ahead. The Word He has whispered is "Lightbearers"... but what does that mean, really... "I have called you all to be Lightbearers...in your homes, communities, and world..."

Light.

An onslaught of light comes at me in pairs. They show the way ahead for the ones behind the wheel. Small bursts of light breaking into the darkness. It's incredible, isn't it, what two small headlights can do in a world full of night? Is this what it means to be a Lightbearer? To carry His Light within us so that it may reveal the path ahead?

Distracted from the steady line of light moving toward me, my eyes are drawn to to the soft orange glow of the streelamps lining the exit. Lightbearers illuminating the way to a new road. A new way. A direction change. Maybe this is what it is to bear His light? Lighting the turn before others, so that they may find the way that leads to life?

And then, at the end of the exit are more lights, shining from the ground to the billboard above. Attention drawn from the world swirling around to the message and color splashed across the larger than life image. Perhaps this is it? Surely this what He means by being a bearer of Light? Holding the spotlight on the One to whom our attention is deserved? Pointing toward Him and so doing allowing His message to crash into the lives of others?

I sense His presence. A soft whisper, a deep truth "it is all of these, and more". His Light within us illuminates the path He has laid out before us. Bearing His Light gives us direction, purpose, enlightenment. It shows the way for others, causing them to desire something new. Causing them to turn toward life. As His light fills us, it should seep from our pores, shining into the darkness around us... always, always pointing to Him. It is the green light that says "go"... the red one that stops us in our tracks. It is the flashing yellow light that warns of danger up ahead. It is the flashing turn signals informing the world that we are headed in a new direction.

But being a Lightbearer is hard. There are times, so many times, that we need encouraged in this calling. And so He had been speaking to my heart... showing me a vision of an auditorium full of women. Truth and love and encouragement pouring from the stage. Many parts of the same Body coming together, seeking the Light. The idea was wonderful. The vision was beautiful.

And here we are on the verge of vision-turned-reality, announcing the first annual "Lightbearers Women's Conference"!

If you are ready to be empowered and equipped to be a Lightbearer in your home, our community, and the world... join us. If you have been bearing His Light for a long time, and need encouraged... join us. If you have seen the Light seeping from others and are drawn to take the exit that leads to life... join us. This conference is for you. It is for me.

To learn more, click here...

no ordinary day...

2011-12-13T16:52:00.003-05:00

Today was no ordinary day.

I woke up at my ordinary time. The kids went about theirordinary routine and climbed aboard their ordinary school bus. I watched myordinary morning program as I answered ordinary emails. I ran ordinary errands, and went about anordinary work day. I had an ordinary lunch and left my ordinary tip.

But today was no ordinary day. Today I awoke with arevelation of how incredible the gift of todayis. And that changes everything.

Day in and day out I awaken, go about my day, and theneventually doze off to sleep… dulled by the predictability of it all. Theordinariness of life.

But there is nothing ordinary about any today.

The very mechanics that keep you and I breathing aremind-boggling. The fact that we awaken each morning is a miracle in and ofitself. The delicate balance that is necessary to keep us functioning… it’struly astounding if you delve very deeply into it all. In fact, there isnothing ordinary about the fact that I can form thoughts and ideas, assimilateinformation, type it into this keyboard on my lap, read the words from anilluminated screen, that the light splashing against the back of my eye wouldcause electric impulses to begin bouncing around my brain… forming thoughts andideas, assimilating information…

That’s extraordinary! Have you ever stopped to think aboutit at all?

And so, this was no ordinary day. As I opened my eyes thismorning and began talking to God about today, considering the tasks before me,He impressed upon my heart “this is no ordinary day… none of your days are ordinary. Each carry a plan, a purpose… no,there is nothing ordinary about today…”

So, as I made an ordinary home visit, I found theextraordinary opportunity to meet another of God’s children at her point ofneed… not a need for additional in-home services, or for food or money, but theneed for someone to be present, listening, nodding with empathy and offeringhope during this difficult season in her life.

As I sat waiting for my lunch, I found the opportunity tosmile gently to the one preparing my food.

As I ran ordinary errands, I found the chance to bring joyinto chaotic places, grace where other customers would have shown frustration,and appreciation where so many take for granted.

As I heard the ordinary beep of my cell phone, I was blessedby the opportunity to pray for a dear, dear friend and to encourage her heartthe way she has so often encouraged mine.

His grace met my heart today, and there is nothing ordinaryabout that. He smoothed away a bit more of me, making room for more of Him.That is extraordinary.

And so today I am changing the header on my blog. This is nolonger “a glimpse at my quirky, mundane, blessed little world”… because thereis nothing mundane about this world. There is nothing mundane about this breathin my nostrils, or heart beating with such passion in my chest, or mind firingoff thoughts faster that I can record them… this is an extraordinary world. Full of possibilities. Ripe with potential. This is a life saturated by His grace. Andthat’s amazing.

Praying for you, friend, who feels dulled by thepredictability of it all. The ordinariness of life. I understand. I have beenthere. And so I am praying that you willencounter Him in a fresh way today… that your eyes will be awakened to theextraordinary grace that pours into each day He has given you, the love He hasfor you, the mercy He has extended to you. Praying that He will open your eyes,as He did mine… to this magical opportunity we have to find grace in theeveryday.

keeping Christ in Christmas...

2011-12-10T18:56:00.001-05:00

Over the last several years, I have noticed a trend buildingmomentum around the holidays regarding the word “Christmas”… and this year ithas been especially rampant among my Facebook friends with regular statusesdeclaring their desire to keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas. Or bemoaning the insult ofbusinesses not allowing employees to say “Merry Christmas”. I even saw one status copied and pastedseveral times that said in essence, “I’m a Christian and if you don’t like ityou can shove it” (I am using completely different words because I don’t wantto point fingers at anyone in particular… but that was the idea of the post).

Is that what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus? This God-man who walked this world in suchhumility and love that He got on bended knee before the very man that wouldbetray Him and washed his feet? Consider that...Jesusknew that Judas would kiss his cheek and so doing begin the trek to the cross…the ultimate betrayal… a friend, a trusted disciple, a follower… and He washed his feet.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately, especially inlight of the offense swirling around the use of the word “Christmas”. Wondering what WOULD Jesus do this time ofyear? Would His response be one of angerand indignation… or instead would it be one of… love? humility?

Perhaps if the people who were refusing to use the term CHRISTmaswere CHRISTians I could see the concern. We ARE called to raise the banner inJesus’ name. We ARE called to hold one another accountable to living lives soldout for Him. But the last time I checked, Wal-Mart isn’t a Christianorganization.

I just can’t escape the notion that us believers areexpecting non-believers to act like… well… believers. We hold them to astandard they cannot possibly meet, because it’s a standard one can onlyachieve through the powerful in-workings of the Holy Spirit. We want to demand that they use the term “Christmas”when, perhaps, they are NOT celebrating the birth of a Savior.

We are.

And so I wonder why we become so offended when those who do not have the gift of the Holy Spirit toguide them, behave as people who do not havethe gift of the Holy Spirit to guide them?

I don’t wish to suggest that we as believers should never beoffended. There are things thatshould cause a swell of emotion to rise up within us. Even Jesus had His moment of righteous angerwhen He entered the temple to find business men turning the sacred ritual ofsacrifice into a mockery with over-priced and sick animals. He got mad, and Hecleared the temple. So there arethings that should raise our hackles…

When we see people taking advantage of those who have nowhereto turn (like in those in the temple courts who had to have a sacrifice).

When we see children purchased into slavery and forced towork from sun-up to sun-down.

When 5,000,000 children a year die from malnutrition.

When there are families outside our own doors going withoutheat, water, gas because the economy turned and they could not keep up.

When countless unborn babies never see the light of daybecause truth and hope were not shared with their scared mothers.

When little girls are stolen into the dark world of the sextrade.

Those are things that should offend us, church. Those arethe things that should cause a cry to well up within us on behalf of those whocannot cry out themselves. But abusiness displaying “Happy Holidays” on its sign should not insight us to speakrudely to that business owner, belittling her choice of words and in so doing,alienating her from anything having to do with “the church”. And that exact thing just happened in our own community. Proverbs 19:11 tells us that “it is to a wise man’s glory to overlook anoffense”. That’s the standard He has called us to… one of meeting people wherethey are and overlooking small offenses that could otherwise become obstaclesbetween them and grace.

And so that begs the question… what does it really look like to keep CHRIST inCHRISTmas? Surely it doesn’t look like a Facebook status expressing our greatoffense at the use of the phrase “Happy Holidays”? Instead, would it not lookmore like a holiday season spent with CHRIST at the center of our heart, lives,minds? Our gaze steadily and ever on Him? Joy being our language as we talk toothers this season?

Meeting people with the same grace and love that Christ met us with.

Ministering to His heart by ministering to the people thatHe most often spoke of… the poor, the needy, the oppressed… the least of these. Sponsoring a family through the ChristmasClearinghouse. Buying livestock fromWorld Vision’s Christmas catalog for a family overseas. Donating toHeart-to-Heart so they can meet the needs of frightened and overwhelmed mothersfaced with a choice. Sponsoring a child through Touch a Life, offering him orher a hope and a future out of the darkworld of slavery.

Isn’t that what it would look like to keep CHRIST inCHRISTmas?

Wouldn’t it be about being set-apart from the crazy,materialistic thing Christmas in America has become? Remembering that it’s not our birthday after all! Don’t get mewrong, my kids will wake up to presents under the tree… I am not suggesting weskip Christmas altogether… but we can celebrate while maintaining focus on theOne we ARE celebrating. Making it about Him. Making it about looking more likeHim. Making it about loving His children. Making it about making Him known… andnot by forcing others to share in our “Merry Christmas”, but by joining them intheir “Happy Holidays” and then shining Jesus into their lives from there.

I hope that you hear my heart on this. I love the term “MerryChristmas”. I just don’t think we should expect the unbelieving world to havethe same standards as we do, until of course we have met them in love and graceand it becomes the believing world.

I would ask that you at least contemplate this idea as wemove through the rest of this holiday season. Instead of a fighting theChristmas Vendetta, let us start a revolution of love, being the LIGHT in thedark places rather than the voice of negativity. Let’s focus on things that areworthy of our frustration and anger, and through prayer and sacrifice raise upthe banner of justice. Let’s follow thepath of the Holy Spirit in wooing this unbelieving world into wanting to knowHim more.

And let’s trulykeep CHRIST in CHRISTmas.

How to wrap Christmas JOY

2011-12-04T19:22:00.001-05:00

The sky still black with night, my brother makes his way to my bedroom. Though his voice is hushed, it is electric with excitement "Becky! It's Christmas!" He did not have to wake me, as I had already taken my own silent trek to the living room to see for myself.

There are few things that compare to that time of excitement. Laying in bed with my little brother, watching the clock and waiting for it to be less night and more morning so we could finally wake up a mom who we now know was laying in her own bed, listening to our excited giggles and speculation the whole time.

Now that I am grown, little has changed. There have been many Christmases where Jim and I have laid in bed, excitedly waiting for the moment that Tali and Zach would make their way into the living room... Listening as they peek into stockings, evaluate the gifts and who they were for, eventually making their way to our bedroom. Their hushed voices ringing with a joy that seems unique to Christmas morning.

It's a simple thing, yet that time-before-the-chaos of wrapping paper and bows and gifts are my favorite moments.

And so, as I talked to my friend (and cousin, and coworker- yes, she's all three) the other day about a project she has taken on at work... my heart broke.

Last year, Generations & 211 coordinated with other local agencies such as the United Way, the Salvation Army, local schools, businesses, and charitable organizations to create a "Christmas Clearinghouse". The goal was to be able to serve more families by eliminating duplication of services during this holiday season. So over the last month, Angela has been taking in calls from families who, for one reason or another, have no means to provide Christmas for their children this year. She has also spoken to many, many businesses and agencies who have offered to sponsor hundreds of children.

But the need is great.

And at this moment, the need is outpacing the sponsorship.

As of a week ago, there were about 200 children that will not have Christmas, if we don't act. These are not kids in some far off land... these are kids that you pass on the street as they play outside in their yards. These are kids that go to school with your own children. They play together at recess. Ride together on the bus.

According to the American Consumer Credit Counsel, the average American will spend $935 on Christmas this year, the vast majority of that on gifts to family and friends. And there are children in our own communities that will wake up to nothing. It's hard to imagine, friends, but it is true.

Our priority has become lavishing more and more and more on those who already have much, while we pretend that there aren't children going without. Kids who need to know that they are loved, and valued, and appreciated. Kids who need to know that they are not forgotten.

Tonight I am challenging you to be the one who remembers. To mobilize a group of friends and sponsor one or two or ten children. Talk to your Sunday School class, Bible Study group, spouse, best friend, coworkers... and do something. As you buy and wrap gifts for these little ones, you will be doing more than filling their house with toys and clothes... you will be filling it with the hushed excitement and electricity of a Christmas morning. And that, friends, is how you can buy, wrap, and give Christmas joy this season.

You will give parents in desperate circumstances peace. And the knowledge that someone cares.

Helping is easy... contact Angela Dobbs at 888-4279 or email her at adobbs@vinu.edu. We have had several calls this last week, children taken off the waiting list... but we have also had more applications submitted. The need is great, and you can help.

This isn't about playing Santa to a group of children, it's about being Jesus to them.

30: God

2011-12-01T07:55:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for my Father who loves... for the Son who climbed a tree for me... and the sweet, sweet Holy Spirit who brings power and conviction and strength.

I can't think of any other way to wrap up this 30-days of Thanks... but to thank the One who is my all in all. The One through whom all of those other things were made and given to me. The One who looked into our human condition, and seeing that we could not overcome the stain of sin on our own, entered one of these frail frames to bring reconciliation to the world. To me. To my family and my friends.

I cannot wrap my finite human mind around a God so big that He could speak this universe into existence, yet so personal that He would choose to inhabit this temple.

How is that possible?

Oh but it is. And it is everything.

This is my life. He is the One who has ravished my heart and caused me to chase hard after Him. He is the One who picks me up when I fall, and gently turning my face back towards His reminds me that He is all that matters. He brings strength to the weak, joy to the mourning, peace to the storm.

He is enough.

I have written about 29 things that I am thankful for this month... but if any or all of those were taken from me... He is enough. He is enough when the bank says no to the loan. He is enough when the business fails. He is enough when the child is sick. He is enough when the spouse is taken. He is enough when the health is failing. He is enough when the struggles are hard. He is enough when the reputation is questioned. Whatever you are facing today... He is ENOUGH.

Do you really believe that?

For many years, I have professed that He is enough... and then lived my life clinging to things of this world as though they would somehow supplement His enough-ness.

In Him we have a Father who is creator, sustainer, provider. In Him we have a Jesus who is lover, bridegroom, Prince of Peace. In Him we have a Spirit who is counselor, comforter, keeper. That is enough.

All of those things I have clung to with white knuckles and fearful heart are by their very nature... temporary. Ethereal. Vapor. It's like grasping at a cloud that will pass through this way but once. But He is eternal. He is the rock. He is the One you can count on.

Even when He, in His wisdom, requires the highest sacrifice.

I can't tell you why God required my Daddy when I was only twelve years old. But I know that God is good, He is always good, and His ways are good... and so I trust Him. I can't explain why sometimes children are not allowed a childhood. But He is good. He is enough. I don't know why businesses must fail, even when you have labored in prayer for a miracle. But He is good. I don't know why cancer ravages. But He is good. You can trust Him.

All these are but a blink on the face of time while He is eternity. He is enough.

I pray that He is enough for you today. That regardless of what you are facing in your life, you will cling to the One that will last. That you will seek Him as the prize of your life... really seek Him.

For far too long I said He was enough, but I didn't live my life that way. I lived my life seeking the comfortable way. The self-preserving way. As He has opened my eyes to the real condition of the church, I have seen that I am not the only one.

Dig deep, church. Look into your heart and ask yourself... is He really enough? He wants to be enough for you, He wants to be your everything. He has given His all so that He could be... so come with me, let's start walking in it...! Let's live a life empowered by His enough-ness. Really trusting Him for who He says He is! Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Three in One, ministering to your heart.

You can trust Him.

He is enough.

29: the Word

2011-11-29T18:41:00.001-05:00

I write in my Bible. A lot. It bugs my husband some... all of the various color of highlighters and ink pens and such. I am pretty sure it bugs my pastor too, especially when I insist on telling him how many times he has preached from the same passage (I do encourage him that he has had fresh revelation every time though!). It does not bug my daughter, who has decided she is a Bible-margin-writer as well. She knows a good thing when she sees it.

If I have come to hear you speak, there is a small notation in my margin with your name on it. And a date.

If you have sent me a scripture that the Lord has spoken to your heart for me. There is a small notation in my margin with your name on it. And of course, the date.

When I read a chapter, I date it.

When the Lord speaks to my heart, I record His words and I date it.

When I have taught from a passage, I write down where and place it.

When He makes a promise to me, I write it in the back, and I date it.

I can look back through my beloved, working-on-it's second binding, Bible and see the path He has led me down over the years.

Beside Romans 7:15 is the note "A turning point!"... and I so clearly recall taking my first feeble steps out of addiction. My heart encouraged by the fact that the Apostle Paul understood... 2000 years ago, he really understood. And that God knew my heart, and saw my struggle... and promised me in Romans 8:1 that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Even if I was still trying to work it all out.

1 Samuel 1:12-16 carry a date as well. And a note about a time I was feeling very misunderstood by a spiritual leader in my own life. I identified with this woman whose priest did not recognize her own pain or earnest seeking of the Lord.

Galatians 5 bear the notes of one learning what it was like to live a life of freedom, a life in the Spirit.

Malachi 1:10 the revelation that God desires so much more than our feeble sacrifices... He wants our best, He wants our all, and anything less does not satisfy our jealous God!

The challenging word He has spoken to me in Ezekiel. The love story He tells in the Song of Solomon. The cries of a ravished heart sang in the Psalms. The doubts of the saints. His Word, spoken to my heart to encourage, challenge, refine, grow, convict, love...

Hebrews 4:12 says For the word of God is living and active...

And it is. It is a living, breathing thing, meeting us exactly where we are. Have you ever had that experience? Crying out to Him, then opening the Word to have Him answer your question... directly?

Feeling insecure before preaching at my church the first time, I told Him that I was in over my head. He was clearly confused when He called me to this. He took me to Isaiah 50:4 and I read "The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught"... What are the chances? Isn't He good? Isn't He generous? Time and again I have had these experiences in the scriptures!

His Word is life-giver and life-sustainer. It is our milk and our meat. It is our daily bread. We need it to survive.

So why in the world, when we are feeling weakest, is it the first thing we neglect?

This is not me pointing a finger at you, dear friend... this one is for me.

In the margin of my Bible I have noticed a pattern develop over the last few years. A season of isolation, of feeling less-than, being on the outside looking in... and it seems to happen about this time of year. Call it seasonal-affective disorder, the holiday blues, or good old-fashioned spiritual warfare... the result is the same. And although I know the Word is what I need, even more than I need water or food, I have again found myself neglecting those pages I hold so precious.

And today, as I shared my heart with a dear friend, she asked one simple question. It was a question my heart wanted to hear. "Are you still in the Word lately?"

I needed that so badly! I had already began righting my ship, opening the Word and reading even when I didn't feel any specific direction while doing so... but there is something about knowing that she's going to ask me tomorrow how much I read tonight. There is also something about being purposeful in my study... I feel better already.

I know this time of year is hard for many of you. Perhaps you find yourself wrestling with depression, grief, abandonment, loss, isolation... my question for you... Are you still in the Word lately? If not, go there. I promise you, He will meet you there...

28: the chase

2011-11-28T21:48:00.001-05:00

Last week my daughter and excitedly made our way to a localhospital to take in the sight and sound and feel of a newborn baby.

There is simply nothing that compares to new life.

I can still feel his velvety soft skin against my cheek. Theweight of promise in my arms. The joy when he would peek open an eye and peerinto my own.

Brand new.

His entire life spreading out before him. Promise. A hopeand a future.

I thought of this precious little gift as we studied thelife of Saul-to-Paul tonight at Bible Study. That moment of new life found onthe road to Damascus. From darkness tolight. From light to lightbearer.

I reflect on my own life made new in Christ. That time as ababy Christian, completely dependent on my Father. Spiritual milk my onlynourishment for far too long… then… those first fumbling attempts to feed myself.What a mess I made of that! So many mistakes… yet I think that my Father smiledas He looked upon my sticky hands seeking to do His will.

Those times that my Father went to the other side of theroom, and with an encouraging smile beckoned me to “come”… and stumbling,reaching, I made my way toward Him. Each time going a bit farther, so I mustlook harder, traverse more obstacles, learn more, be refined.

Sometimes He must let go of our hand so we can learn tochase after Him.

I am chasing. And though at times He feels far off, I knowthat His eyes glisten with joy as He hears my footsteps coming ever nearer,nearer, nearer…

Tonight I am thankful for the chase. I am thankful for the road from darkness to light... and from light to lightbearer. I am thankful that I can look back and see growth... yet look forward and see where He has yet to take me.

And I am thankful that I can be fully present in the season He has me in now. That I can rejoice in who He has created me to be. That I can trust the process... and enjoy the chase.

playing catch-up

2011-11-28T21:41:00.001-05:00

I have had a blessedly busy several days, and allowed myself the time off of blogging... but I did have things that I was thankful for each day:

23: thankful for new life. Holding a precious newborn in my hands and rejoicing with his amazing parents. Then celebrating growing older with my mother-in-law and the rest of Jim's family. It was a good, good, day.

24: thankful for a relaxing day enjoying the fellowship of family and friends. Reflecting on how blessed I am by the incredible people in my life.

25: thankful for perspective. After a midnight run to check out the Black Friday chaos (and not buying a thing!) I am thankful that I am not beholden to the things of this world as I once was. That I feel the breaking heart of a starving child when I stand in places like Wal-Mart. Don't get me wrong, we are still celebrating a good old-fashioned American Christmas at our house, and our kids will be among those unwrapping a pile of presents on Christmas Day... but this year the perspective has shifted in our home. And I am thankful for that.

26: thankful for my giftings. Spent the day editing pictures I have taken of families recently. I love what I do. I am thankful that He has given me a gift that I can use to bless the lives of others in so many ways.

27: thankful for new beginnings. Stood in my church and watched two dear friends step into their happily-ever-after. Him on bended knee, her on shaking ones. He asked, and she said yes. Now a flurry of wedding planning ensues... and I cannot wait!

22: getting real

2011-11-22T21:21:00.001-05:00

I speak words that I have never heard out loud before. I share a part of my story that I have kept in the secret place for a very, very long time. I look into eyes of compassion. Eyes that say 'yes, it is hard... but don't stop short...'

I reflect. The Lord has brought me so far. From darkness to light. Sin to righteousness. Death to life.

I am thankful for the journey. I am so thankful to be in a place that I can take off the veil that has covered my shame and stand exposed before the Lord... before His people. I don't do so on my own strength. I could not. But His strength pours over me, into me, through me. A voice calls out "I love you"... she sits the second pew yet the voice sings to my heart from the throne room... "I love you, Becky... I love you"

I continue. Words tumbling out. Truth exposed. Veil gone.

And I find freedom. Others find freedom. Women share their heart with me, and in doing so remove the veil over their shame. Soft voices saying, I have been there too. Courageous hearts saying, I refuse to live in darkness anymore.

And freedom reigns.

The words the Enemy has spoken... broken and revealed as lies. Bondage gone.

Freedom REIGNS.

There are places I wish I had not walked. Yet I rejoice in a God who can work all things to the good. I rejoice in a God that will cause me to get real because He loves me enough that He will not be satisfied with anything less than complete freedom. For me. For others.

Freedom reigns in His heart. And today, it also reigns in mine.

21: our cat, echo

2011-11-22T00:33:00.001-05:00

As you know, tonight I was sharing a bit of the who-I-was at a women's revival... so while I was away I asked Tali if she wanted to do a guest blog based on a conversation we had a couple of days ago. As you can see below, she was more than happy to oblige... hope it blesses your heart...

We have thiscat named Echo. Yes we love him to death but he just wants love and to be noticed.He is a gray striped cat and very cute. We love him, but sometimes he loves us toomuch.

My mom and Iwere driving on our way to Evansville. We were trying to think up some blogideas. I said some things, my mom said some things. I finally said the cat! My momkind of stared at me for a while. She finally said, “How can I say I amthankful for that annoying cat?” So this is what I said,

“Well Echonudges at us, meows too much; even while you are on your computer he goes andsits right down on the keyboard.” Shestill didn’t get what I was saying and I bet some of you don’t. So I told herthe point; Echo is like Jesus. I know what some of you are thinking; a cat,like Jesus? She said, “How is Echo like Jesus?” I said, “Jesus always wantingour love and to be noticed. Jesus sometimes will nudge at us saying listen tome do as I say.” My mom got the idea. She liked so much she let me blog aboutit! I hope you liked this blog.

20: where i've been

2011-11-20T23:16:00.001-05:00

I look back over the whole of my life and I see many mistakes. I see choices that the me of today would tell the me of yesterday to make differently. I see hard roads that could have been easier. Easy paths chosen when the difficult one would have been better.

Yet tonight I am thankful for those places I have been. I am thankful for the layers of me that there are. The way those decisions of yesteryear became who I am today.

I am thankful for a God who takes a mess, and makes a message.

Tomorrow I will be sharing a bit of the who-I-was. And it won't be easy. It will be history spoken outloud, some of it for the first time.

But He has asked me to. And if I say I trust Him with my lips, I need to live like I trust Him with my life. Sometimes that looks like the removal of a mask, and standing before a group of women completely transparent, vulnerable, naked. Tomorrow will feel very much like that.

It will also feel a lot like freedom.

And our God is so BIG, that I know the freedom is not just for me. But for someone else that He will speak to through my testimony... not because of my inadequate words, but because of HIS promise that there is POWER in our testimony.

In the meantime, I covet your prayers that I will be able to speak with honesty and courage.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony... Revelation 12:11

19: encouragers

2011-11-20T00:28:00.001-05:00

We stand a few feet apart... dreams and visions and hopes exchanged. We talk about the deep things of God, the plans and purposes He is calling us to. She encourages me. With a smile and a nod she lets me know that I am hearing Him right... she stands and listens as I rattle on about the million crazy things I am trying to sort out... and she doesn't seem to mind a bit. She is a person that I have let in on the secret desires of my heart because I know she can be trusted with them... not in a "trusted not to tell anyone" way... but in a "trusted not to shoot down my balloon" kind of way. I can trust her to support and encourage whatever wild-eyed scheme I have dreamed up. To brain-storm or to listen through my brain-storms (which is the way I figure most of my life out!). And to help in any way she can.

She listens to me like I imagine Jesus listening to me... eyes locked on mine, heart open, smiling with my enthusiasm and casting away the doubt when it creeps in.

You would think, by this description, that we have been friends for years and years. Not true in this particular case, but when God sets about binding hearts together, He can do so outside of the confines of time (because He's big like that!) And I'm so, so, so glad that over the last year He has truly gone about binding our hearts together!

I am thankful for this beautiful friend of mine... and the countless others like her that God has brought into my life! The women who encourage me, pray for me, brain-storm with me, work along side me... and love me right where I am at. I am thankful for the ones that I have known for decades, and the ones that I have only known a matter of months... and for the way that He has brought each into my life at just the right time. I am thankful for conversations held standing outside the church in the middle of the night, or in a garage on a crisp fall day, or via text during the day... And most of all, I am thankful for these women so gifted with encouragement... these ones who hold me up when I am feeling ill-equipped, full of doubt or less-than-the-call.

Do not ever underestimate the power of an encouraging word. So many times it is just the wind in the sails necessary to propel that boat of dreams to the horizon.

Thank you, friend, for spurring me on with your kind words and love. It's encouragers like you who give me the strength and the courage for the next step... whatever that may be...

18: life interrupted (friday flashback edition)

2011-11-18T23:03:00.001-05:00

Flashback to 2006... The Boyles' family had finally gone digital and I could not wait to photograph my kids with my new camera. Tali didn't mind playing the part of model, so she put together a stylin' outfit and we set out for a front-yard-photoshoot... when this happened...

Zach circling in the driveway like a shark as Tali moved from pose to pose when... zooooooom... he flies through at *just* the right moment. These were literally among the very first pictures ever taken with that brand spanking new camera...!

Can't you hear the sound effect he's clearly making? I can't say for sure, but I'm sure it's a squealing-burnout-kind-of-sound. And the full out JOY on his face! This is NOT the picture I was hoping to get... but boy am I glad that I did.

Yesterday was Zach's birthday... I just can't believe my little man is already 9 years old. One more year til double digits. I sat at his birthday dinner thinking about the day I found out I was pregnant with him...

Jim and I knew we wanted a second child. We both wanted a little boy even. We didn't want our kids to be too far apart. But the day we found out he was coming it was still a bit of a shock.

Okay, it was a LOT of a shock.

Financially we were in a mess. Our Tali was only 14 mos old at the time and it felt so soon. Our two bedroom house didn't feel big enough. We thought we would be in a better place. We were doing okay with one child but... two? How could we afford it? How would it work? How would we have enough space.

Our life was... interrupted.

It wasn't necessarily what we had penciled into our life's agendas... but much like the pictures above, Zach interrupted at just the right moment.

So today, I am so thankful for a life interrupted by plans much bigger than our own. I'm thankful Someone knows what He is doing so much more clearly than I do. I'm so thankful for Zach, and the special relationship he and his sister have precisely because he came so soon. I'm thankful that they must learn to share and cooperate precisely because they share a bedroom. I'm thankful for the times he has slid his big wheel right through a photoshoot, watched Toddlers and Tiaras with his sister, made us laugh with unexpected jokes.

Today I'm thankful for a life... interrupted in the most beautiful way imaginable.

17: new calendars

2011-11-18T09:52:00.001-05:00

[sorry this is late, my internet would not cooperate last night]

I *love* this time of year. I love fall, I love crisp, fresh, cool air. I love bright blue skies and leaves crunching underneath my feet. I love the promise of snow right around the corner [I know, I know, I hear you groaning].

(Now my inner office nerd is going to come out...) and I love getting a new agenda. I use a weekly planner to keep track of home visits held for my work, phone calls made, annual assessments due, client services... I write down every single client contact, I log time worked, I record phone numbers... I highlight items as I enter the case note so I can keep track of what is and isn't done... and as you might imagine, the end of every week is measured by two pages scribbled and scratched and highlighted in every color of the rainbow.

So getting a new agenda is kind of a big deal. It's tied closely with my deep seated passion for office supplies... but it goes a step farther than that. It's not just your average pack of post-its or new pen (which I also love)...

A new agenda is a fresh slate.

No scribbles, no highlights, no plans, no past, no history...

You can start fresh. You can reorganize your system for keeping track of things. You can add new contacts in actual alphabetical order rather than just tacking them on to the end of the list. Take out clients that are no longer yours to care for. Clean sheets of paper full of promise of work to be done, lives to be impacted, calls to be made, new people to meet.

I'm pretty sure our Father loves new-agenda-day just as much as I do... that day that we lay down our history and pick up a fresh, new, scribble-free future that is laid open for Him to write His plans and purposes on!

I love a fresh slate, a clean start, empty pages... let's make today a fresh start! Let's make a today one that we lay before Him as a fresh piece of paper to write upon... plans that He can later highlight as completed, as He whispers to our heart "well done, good and faithful servant..."

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning! {Lamentations 3:22-23, NLT}

16: sonshine kids

2011-11-16T23:11:00.001-05:00

Church hall alive with the footsteps of children. The aromaof turkey and all the fixin’s wafting up from the kitchen. Big kids helpinglittle ones with plates of food. Boys beingreminded to keep their hands to themselves. Children sitting in groups talking about theirday.

It’s Thanksgiving Dinner at SonShine Kids. I wish you couldsee the smile on those kids faces as they pull apart the adorable turkey treatsCarla made (a sweet dessert of oreos, reece’s, candy corn… all fashioned intolittle turkeys!) Four hours in herkitchen devoured in minutes… ahh but for these kids to know that someonedelighted in them enough to fashionsuch an elaborate snack. It is worth it. The giggles as I attempt to convincethem that they are held together with hot glue… but they know better. Theyknow this is a place that loves.

The shy grin when I ask my little friend why she didn’t saveme a seat. And the electric smile when she finds me at another table and slidesinto the chair next to me. Shining eyes peering at me from a dirty face… a facethat has broken my heart and caused me to love.

A tap on my shoulder. Another little friend sneaking upbeside me. She stands there, not saying a word. She seeks attention, but is tooshy to speak first. I ask if she has my hug… and she does. She always does. Wetalk about school. She reminds me again who her teacher is. Looking her in theeye. For the moment she is the only one of importance. It’s a small gift… yetshe looks for it week after week.

Songs sung. OurPastor leading us through the motions. Little kids with arms raised high. Lessons on self-control. Games played.Tickets earned and names drawn.

I am so thankful for this incredible, beautiful, rag-taggroup of kids God has entrusted us with at SonShine Kids. The bellies and soulsthat we get to feed.

It is not alwayseasy. Boys can be rowdy. Girls can be needy. We have had our fair share of sick kids and messes to clean up. Children that only know attention of thenegative sort. Kids piled in the van sometimes lead to a bloody nose.

But when you see volunteers cleaning that child up with suchgreat love… and then wrap him in a brand new coat to replace the soiled one. Coats on hand, for just such a time as this…

It’s worth it.

When you see entire families step into relationship withChrist because a van driver took the time to bring their kids to SonShine Kidsweek after week, for years… it’sworth it.

When a little girl slips beside you on a metal foldingchair, because she knows that youcare… it’s worth it.

When a child seeks you out each week for a hug… it’s worthit.

When bright blue eyes and freckled faces call to you in the grocery store... it's worth it.

When bellies are full, and songs are sung, and Jesus istaught… it’s worth it.

When my heart is broken and molded and changed by theseincredible little souls who blossom and bloom in this place that loves…

It’s so, so, so worth it.

Some think that the high callings are those of pastors, orteachers, or missionaries… and certainly that is true…

But I think the highest callings are those of soft handsholding Kleenex to a bleeding nose. Hours in a kitchen fashioning turkeys out of cookies and candy. New winter coats. Mashed potatoes and corn and green beans. Vandrivers drowning in noise as they navigate city streets. Bent knees before dirty faces.

Ministering to the very heart of Jesus. What higher calling can there be?

“The King will reply… 'whatever you did for one of the leastof these, you did for me…'” [Matthew 25:40]

15: the little things (2)

2011-11-15T20:59:00.001-05:00

I saw a family featured on a talk show today. This husband and wife so longed for children to fill their home, yet the children did not come. Coming to terms with the painful reality of infertility, they began the process of seeking out children that were as desperate for a home, as they were for children. Their search took them all the way to Ghana, to three brothers whose eyes peered into their souls through a computer screen.

The adoption process finalized, they traveled to Ghana to pick up their sons. Children desperate for a home. Yet the oldest did not want to leave his best friend to the hopeless life of an orphan in Africa. He begged his new mother to adopt his friend as well... his friend offering the following arrangement...

"if I eat only one meal a day, and clean your house, would you come back and be my mother too?"

Friends, if that does not break your heart... then what will? This beautiful, dark child who was more than happy to work his way into a family. Of course, this couple returned for the boy. He sat on the stage with them in his crisp, striped dress shirt, smiling with white teeth and declaring his hope of becoming a professional soccer player.

But how many more like him are sitting in orphanages in Ghana. Haiti. Ethiopia. Russia. China.

How many children like him are in America, bounced from foster home to foster home to foster home. Every time hoping and praying that this will be the one. This will be the place that loves.

I cannot stop thinking about yesterday's blog. I cannot stop thinking that I did not take it quite as far as God was asking. That He requires more than that we would recognize our arrogance... that He is seeking people who are actually willing to do something. That when we have postured our hearts to be broken by the things that break His... we would do something about the need we see.

All day He has whispered the verses we find in Ephesians and James...

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no man can boast. [Ephesians 2:8-9]

Just as that young boy could not work his way into an American family by sacrificing meals or cleaning the house, neither can we work our way into Heaven simply by sacrificing things or doing good works. It is by grace that we have been saved, grace which is a free gift of God. Grace which brings freedom. Grace which brings life. Our faith in Him opens the portal of grace so that it can flow freely over us... through us. The recipient of grace knows that He has received a gift, and knows that the only boasting that can be done is in the goodness of our beautiful Savior.

But then...
What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. [James 2:14-17]

If you have truly received the gift that brings eternal life... what then should your response be? When the awesome realization washes over you that Jesus Christ entered this world as a man, and climbed a tree on Calvary just so you could be reconciled to Him... just so you could know Him... just so you could have life and have life to the fullest... just so you could walk in freedom... just so you could live this life in the light of eternity... what then should be your response? To tell the hungry "Go in peace, keep warm and well fed"? To see a need, and then wait for someone else to meet it?

But someone will say "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is only one God. Good! Even the demons believe that-and shudder. [James 2:18-19]

Faith, belief, relationship is more than just lip service. It's more than saying "I believe". After all, no one knows the reality of a just God more than the demons... they believe in Him, they know there is only one God... and they shudder with the knowledge. Knowing is not enough. The fruit of our faith is born out in our lives. Lives lived set apart. Lives lived differently. Lives that cry out for more of Him and less of ourselves (John 3:30). Lives that are willing to do something radical, just because He called us to it.

And so tonight, He is asking you (He is asking me)...
Are you willing? Are you willing to pay Him more than just lip service, and instead love His children the way that he does? Are you willing to be His hands and feet in this lost and dying world? Are you willing to open your eyes to a need, and then do something to meet it?

Ezekiel 16:49 reads "And this was the sin of your sister Sodom; She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy"

Read that scripture again. The sin of Sodom that aroused the anger of God, which required that the city be destroyed... was not the sexual sin of the city (as I had always thought)... it was that they did not help the poor and the needy. When God looked onto that city which is synonymous with gross depravity and sin... He saw a people who were overfed... arrogant.... and unconcerned.

He saw a people who were overfed while others starved... my serving at the Mexican restaurant tonight was literally enough to feed an entire family. Over 33% of Americans are obese. That's over 100 million people that are overfed while 5 million children a year die from malnutrition. Overfed.

He saw a people who were arrogant, seeing only their own selfish desires over the need and hurt of others... today I spent $18 eating out... while over one billion people in the world live on less than $1.25 a day. Someone's two week's salary went toward a couple of meals for just me today... and I threw half of that food out. Arrogant.

He saw a people who were unconcerned, turning a blind eye to the gross need of others... did you know that American Christians spend $20 billion a year on soft drinks, while $13 billion would feed every hungry person in the world. That's American Christians who value their Diet Coke over a starving child. Unconcerned.

I don't want to be that guy.

And now that our eyes are open to the need, I pray that you don't either. So let's do SOMETHING.

Here are some organizations that you can support... today. Where the dollars a day you will likely not even miss will have life changing impact.

Compassion International One of the most well known and respected child sponsorship organizations. If you want to know the impact child sponsorship has... read Ann Voskamp's blog here. I read this the other day and wept thinking about a sponsor's picture hanging in the lonely bedroom of a boy abandoned to the jungle.

The Water Project One of many organizations working to bring clean water to Africa. Put down that Diet Coke and bring life giving water to the thirsty!

Touch a Life Foundation The heart's work of Pam and Randy Cope who are working tirelessly to free children who have been enslaved on Lake Volta in Ghana. Sign up to sponsor a child's room and board, or education, or BOTH. You can also support this organization through a local "Find Your Mark" chapter in Shoals, Indiana. Contact Christy Farhar at Uofkwldcatfan@aol.com for information. She would love to hear from you. Or you can click on my tab that goes to Kidz 4 Freedom... you can buy some super cute duct tape hair bows and pens and all the proceeds will go to Touch a Life!

The Mercy House A maternity home in Kenya which offers young pregnant women a safe place to bring their children into the world, all the while teaching them about the grace of Christ, parenting, and job skills. You can shop the Mercy Store or offer monthly donations to this very worthwhile cause.

And the list doesn't end there. Those are just a very few that He has put on my own heart to support or start supporting. There is so much more... so whatever your passion... whatever your heart has broken for... there is a way to get involved. Prayerfully consider opening your home to one of the thousands of children in foster care. Or if you can't do that, consider becoming a CASA so that you can be the voice of a child in the foster care system. [I've linked to Indiana's Child Advocate Network, but if you aren't in Indiana, I am sure there is one in YOUR area. Just see my good friend Google for details.] Seek out your local crisis pregnancy center. They are always underfunded, undervolunteered, underadvertised. Offer young women in your communities healthy choices when faced with unwanted pregnancies. Find a Bound4Life chapter near you (or START ONE if there aren't any!) and become purposeful in interceding for the lives of unborn children. Donate to the local Meals on Wheels program that bring meals into the home of the aged and disabled. Clean out your closets and donate the excess to a local homeless shelter, or Salvation Army, or Goodwill, or church. Pick up extra the next time you are at the grocery store for your local food pantry.

Whatever it is...
do something.

This Thanksgiving, can we as a Body do more than just give thanks? Instead can we be a people willing to give radically out of our abundance? It's important to give thanks... don't get me wrong... but once we have recognized how blessed we truly are, how can we then turn a blind eye to those in desperate need?

He is asking us to put feet to our faith... are you willing?

14: the little things

2011-11-14T22:32:00.001-05:00

After a tissue-laden day laying on the couch, I had thatgrimy-bed-head-night-of-cold-sweats feel about me. You know the one. Although Ireally felt like taking [another] nap, I decided that perhaps a nice, warmshower would make a difference. Perk me up some. And so grabbing a fluffy,clean towel out of the back room I headed in for a time of solitude. Relaxation.Quiet. And you know what? It did makeall the difference. It did make mefeel better.

And then in His sneaky God-is-everywhere way… I wasconvicted.

As I stood in that shower today, it occurred to me that thereare people in this world who have never experienced anything like a warm shower.Something most of us take for granted on a daily basis. Something we don’t thinkabout. Something we walk into our bathroom and just expect to happen. Meanwhile there is a mother in India bathing herchildren in the polluted waters of the Ganges, praying all the while that thefilthy waters will make them both spiritually and physically clean.

Day in and day out we walk through this life with comfortsthat are unimaginable to many in theworld. Homes with not one or two, but three or four vehicles. A television inevery room. Mansions that house only a couple of people. In my own littlehouse, I sleep on a bed piled high with pillows and comforters and nice cleansheets. As I dress in the morning, I choose between a dozen pair of shoes tocomplete my outfit.

Most days, I don’t give it a second thought.

I pay more for my lunch in the drive-through than mosthouseholds in the world will make in anentire day. I have more food in my kitchen than most children will see in aweek… yet somehow I walk out of there empty-handed declaring “there’s nothingto eat”.

I don’t have a cluewhat “nothing to eat” feels like. Not aclue. Chances are, neither do you.

I don’t want to just be thankful for the little things… Oh,it’s a good thing to stop taking those things for granted and to give thanksfor them… but I want to go a step beyond. I want to allow God to break my heartwith compassion for those who have not.I want Him to open my eyes to the need in this world, and then busy my handswith meeting that need.

Today I want to make a conscious decision to do more thanjust be thankful for all He’s givenme… Today I want to recognize that to whom much is given, much is required.

What then, does He require of me? What then does He requireof you? What more, than to seek justice,love mercy, and walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)

Seek justice for those who can’t fight for themselves. Seekjustice for the children on Lake Volta, forced to work 16 hours a day infishing boats, forced to face the murky waters and uncertain fate of releasingnets caught beneath the boats. Seek justice for the child trapped in the Americanfoster care system whose hearts cry is that someonein this world would love them enough to give them a chance. That we would lovemercy by considering others above ourselves. That we would be His hands andfeet, bringing His grace into this lost and dying world. That we would feed thehungry, clothe the naked, love the unlovely.

Yet this seeking justice and loving mercy will require thatwe walk humbly with our God. That we die to our own American desires for more and posture our hearts to receivemore of Him. Humility is difficultfor most Americans. It is not a trait readily ingrained into our system. Welive in a ego-centric society where self is always number one. Where pridereigns supreme. Where we constantly measure ourselves by the guy who has just a little bit more than us, rather than being grateful for allthat we do have.

What He requires is counter-cultural. It’s dying to ourself.Dying to our own selfish desires. Dying to our stuff. It’s offering it all to Him to do with as He sees fit. It’soffering Him our hands and feet and our heart to do with as He sees fit. It’soffering Him our children to do with as He sees fit. It’s offering Him ourhomes to do with as He sees fit. It’srecognizing the gift of a warm shower… andthen asking how He can use YOU to bring clean water to the thirsty in thisworld. It’s recognizing the gift of a full pantry… and then asking Him how He can use YOU to feed the hungry. It’srecognizing the gift of a spacious home… andthen asking Him how He can use YOU to offer a bed to the weary.

What are the “little things” in your life that you overlook?What are the things that you take for granted… I ask you to look at them again,friend… ask Him to open your spiritualeyes to see the gifts and the need…because as it is said…

the little thingstruly are the big things.

13: Christmas movies

2011-11-13T21:30:00.001-05:00

Tonight we caught “The Santa Clause” on the Hallmarkchannel. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am not a movie buff. I can barely make it through a 30 minutetelevision show without becoming distracted, much less an hour and a half longmovie. With one exception…

Christmas movies.

I love them. I haveno good reason… I just do. So betweennow and Christmas our DVR will be filling up with Christmas classics and ourDVD player will be spinning tales of Christmas cheer.

Don’t judge me.

There’s just something magical about people believing theimpossible. Families reuniting. Hope winning in the end. And a few flying reindeer never hurt anyone,right?

12: quiet evenings

2011-11-12T19:22:00.001-05:00

With a head full of ick and a body screaming with fatigue... I am thankful for a quiet evening at home, a warm couch, and a soft blanket.

Tonight I do not even mind that it was completely dark at 6pm... that makes laying listlessly seem somewhat allowable... after all... it's nighttime, right?

More tomorrow, friends, but for now... there is a pillow calling my name...

11: freedom

2011-11-12T01:00:00.001-05:00

With today being Veteren’s Day, it makes sense that my “thankfulfor” should be freedom. On this day,especially, Americans ponder the sacrifice made by others so that we can livein a land of freedom. The years spent away from loved ones, sleeping on lowcots and crossing hot deserts. The tear-stained good-byes and joyful reunions.First steps missed. Christmas pageants attended only in spirit. Flag-drapedcaskets and 21 gun salutes. This is theprice of earthly freedom. It is a high price. One worthy of our respect andthanksgiving. It is the price paid so that I can type these words. The pricepaid so my daughter can teach a Bible study in a public school. The price paidso that I can wear an ichthus tattoo without fear. The price paid so that you can disagree withmy beliefs.

It is a great price. One of deep sacrifice.

Yet as I reflect on this great sacrifice, my mind wanders tothe price paid for eternal freedom.If earthly freedom requires such high a price, how much greater the cost of eternity.

Freedom so grand, life so eternal… a price beyond anythingwe could begin to imagine. A price so extravagant, that it could only be paidby God Himself. And so He did.

I hope you areconfident in that today. That you know and rely on the sacrifice He made onyour behalf. If not… email me… we’ll chat…

Yet the most incredible thing to me is not that God wouldenter into this world, tearing the veil that separates us from Him, removingall barriers and making a way for us to step into real freedom… but that He would go a step further and enter *this* temple… this feeble, fumbling,human frame… bringing with Him the strength and courage and boldness to walkout freedom in this lifetime.

Consider that in more than just an intellectual way for amoment. When the veil was torn and the price paid, Christ made a way for a thirdof the Godhead to reside in you. And me. And that guy over there. A third of the Godhead! That is amazing! When Solomon built the temple He marveled, “isit true that God would really reside AMONG us?” and now we have a God thatresides WITHIN us! What then can we not accomplish? What then can we not do? I do not have to be bound by the things of this world, if He is enough. I do not have to carry theoffense of hurtful words, if He is enough.I do not have to chase after things to build me up, if He is enough. I do not haveto fear the future, if He is enough.

That is realfreedom.

And the price is high. It requires everything. It requires yourall. But when you lay yourself down atthe foot of the cross, you gain the One who is enough. You find yourself wrapped in garments of righteousnesson a path for eternity, a third of the Godhead within you to guide and directevery single step. In the face of that, nothingelse matters.

Freedom isn’t free.

Our freedom is won by the sacrifice of thousands of men andwomen who serve this country, day in and day out. Readied in a moment’s noticefor action. Leaving parents and spouses and children and jobs and friends andcommitments, stepping from the comfort of home to the danger of the battlefield…all for the sake of the call.

Our eternal freedom is won by the sacrifice of One who loveswith such a burning passion He chose to leave His Father, stepping from heaveninto earth… all for the sake of the call.

What then, is a price too high for you? So much of the Americanchurch walks out their faith in partial freedom (which really isn’t freedom atall). Claiming their salvation while clinging tightly to offense andunforgiveness and hurt. Claiming the character of Christ while looking to thisworld to define them. Claiming theirrole in the Body while refusing to look outside the walls of their own churchor denomination. Claiming their desire to serve while ignoring the childstarving down the street. There is so much more to freedom thanclaiming salvation, or Christ, or righteousness, or devotion… it’s walking it out. It’s trusting thatJesus really is enough. It’s casting down the idols we have built onthe altar of our hearts and trulyallowing Him to be your singular desire. It’s listening for His voice, and thenanswering the call. It’s having a heart postured to sacrifice whatever isrequired for the sake of that call. That’sfreedom!

What then, will you not lay down… all for the sake of the call?

Tonight, I am thankful for the courage and valor of ourVeterans. I am asking God to open our eyes to the sacrifice that they havemade, and that we would not take it for granted. That we would walk in thefreedom they fought and died for.

I am thankful for the even greater sacrifice paidby my Savior. I am asking Him to open our hearts to the sacrifice that He made,that we would not take it for granted… Thatwe would walk in the freedom He fought and died for.

Freedom isn’t free.

But it is worthit.

10: tali sue

2011-11-10T23:09:00.001-05:00

It started with an email from her teacher in the morning… “Justwanted to let you know…”

That evening, as she was getting ready for bed there wasfinally time to ask her about it.

“So, how was school today?”

Immediately, big brown eyes became pools of tears glisteningin the soft glow of the lamp. Bottom lip quivering she began to tell me abouther day. About her friend at school who wanted to compare science answers tohers. How she felt when her teacher caught her.

“So you knew you were in trouble the moment she saw you?”

Head bowed… “yes...”

“So you knew you were doing something wrong?”

A tear slips down her cheek… “yes…”

“I see.”

The silence hung between us. I asked God to give me the words that would refine rather than condemn.Her lesson was learned. Her punishmentat school appropriate. An “F” on the assignment she worked so hard on the nightbefore, and worse… she was not allowed to teach her weekly Bible Study duringrecess.

“We are held to a different standard, you know…” And shenods.

She knows.

And I am so thankful for that. My beautiful Tali Sue… notperfect, but like all of us… she is working on it. I didn’t have to grill herto get the truth, she just let it spill out of her, as though she knewconfession would be good for her soul. Andit was.

Knowing that at some point this month, I would write aboutTali… I could never have imagined what the writing prompt would have been. I’ve never had a call or an email or a notefrom a teacher like that before. Especially not for Tali… yet it was a reminder to me that she really isjust a little girl, trying to figure out this world. What it looks like to live set apart.

That the same little girl that sits every evening makingduct tape bows that save children out of slavery, can get caught cheating inschool. That the little girl who knows all of the answers in Sunday School,sometimes slips on the answers in life. That the little girl that would chooseto go to a prayer meeting over a birthday party, sinks into step with the world sometimes.

But how I love her heart. How I love her desire to serve, tocare for others, to be a friend. How I love her transparency when I ask her “howwas school today”… her giggle when I ask about her boyfriend… the way shedances her way through life… the way she looks at the world…her quick wit... her confidence…her beautiful, beautiful spirit…

How I love her passion for Jesus, and her boldness to shareHim with others. How I love her willingness to be changed andrefined by Him. Her desire to be set apart… even if she is still learning towalk that out.

Beautiful, sweet spirited Tali Sue... I love you. And you know what else... Jesus does too.

09: my weakness

2011-11-09T22:31:00.005-05:00

Today has been hard.

I have been overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. insignificance.inability. inferiority. These thingsthat I have been so certain about… the things I felt Him calling me to do…suddenly seem too big for me. Themomentum building within me to see great things unfold feels less likedirection and more like a car screaming down a steep hill with no brakes. And He has me behind the wheel.

Have you ever had a day like that? or a week? or a year…?

God, what are you thinking? Have you met me?

Seriously, maybe You should re-think your hiring strategies…

…

And then…

Our generous daddy God comes in and comforts my soul. He whispers “my grace is sufficient for you,Becky. Remember, daughter, that my power is made perfect in weakness…evenyours…”

He gently reminds me that He has not called me in spite ofmy weakness… but because of it.

That when I am weak, Heis strong.

That I am not measured according to the standards of man, orby numbers, or statistics… but by myfaithfulness to His call. That Hewill not hold my words up against Ann Voskamp’s and choose a winner [seriously, have you read her work? prose like poetry... honey and salt and dark and light, all beautifully woven into one...] , or measure my deeds against those who have gone to distant lands, or my offering against one who has great wealth… rather Hewill test how faithful I was to say exactly what He has asked me to say, to go where He has asked me to go, and to give all that He has asked me to give.

Today, I am in a desert. But that is where He arrives with manna. When He gazes with mercy onto our brokenness and encourages and nourishes our spirits.

When He reminds me of the dozens of confirmations, all pointing down the path I am on. When in his generosity, He offers another one in the form of a Facebook status that reminds He is not looking for ability, rather availability. When He whispers that I don't get to question His hiring strategies, after all, He is the boss. When I go to a church business meeting, and the sweetest prayer is offered up on my behalf, asking for direction and guidance and peace in this calling. And then they offer financial support in the exact amount He had whispered to my spirit to ask for, and I didn't even have to ask.

And my husband asks what I am blogging about, and I tell him about my day of doubts and insecurity…and He points all of this outto me… and speaks confidence into my soul.

Not confidence in my ability, but in God’s faithfulness.

And so tonight, I can say with all honesty, that I amthankful for my weakness. I truly am. I am thankful for days that remind me Iam so, so, so very human. That I am so very finite, and apt to fall short ormake mistakes. But that through my generous, loving, faithful Father… All things are possible.

I still feel very… ill-equipped. uncertain. apprehensive.

But it’s okay. I don’thave to have it all figured out. I don’t have to know all of the answers.

I just have to reallytrust the One who does.

08: jim

2011-11-08T18:18:00.004-05:00

Confession... [I am already beginning to cry and I haven't even written anything yet.]

That's how much I love the man I am lucky enough to spend my life with. There are not words in the English language to adequately explain what it is like to love someone like Jim Boyles. I remember the first time I ever saw him. He was climbing onto the school bus, and as he looked at me a smile spread across his face. But this was no ordinary smile... Jim has the most incredible smile I have ever seen. It's like fireworks, exploding with delight in his eyes... it's a smile that still today causes my heart to fall for him all over again.

I sit here and wonder, how could it be that I would meet the love of my life when I was only fifteen years old? That I would hold in my heart twenty years of memories with the man I love? That I would find the one that would walk this path with me, for better or worse, richer or poorer? When I think about that teenage boy that climbed onto the school bus in the light of the man that I spend all my days with I am amazed. My how we have grown. Certainly, the last two decades have had their fair share of mistakes, poor decisions, and hurt... but they have also been full of new life, joy, laughter, love, and of course, smiles.

Jim Boyles is a man who loves well. And I am so blessed to have that in my life... day in and day out.

As I sit here, I can hear him hammering away as he makes me one of these [check out that cool barn wood headboard I found on pintrest... you want one too, don't ya?]... at some point today he has gathered up old barn wood, and now he is spending his evening out in the garage. Just to make me something.

Saturday night as I thought about a photoshoot I would be doing the next day, I remembered a wooden train we keep in our Christmas decorations. When he saw "wooden train" scribbled on my to-do list for the next morning he said "that is going to be impossible to find! it's waaaaaay in the back of all of those boxes of decorations"... but what he did was get up the next morning and found it.

That's just the way he loves.

With hammer and nails and old barn wood. Or a step ladder and teetering boxes of Christmas decorations. Or a can of gas and a friend at the side of the road. Or a box of shingles up on the roof. Or a hood up on the church van. Or burgers on the grill. Or long, hot evenings at the ball park.

Some people love with words. Some people love with gifts. Jim loves with his life. He's one who does for those people and things he cares about. He may say it can't be done... but somehow, he always seems to find a way. Which is a good thing when you are married to someone like me, who is forever coming up with another hair brained scheme that she just can't do without your help.

Jim... I cannot imagine life without you. The way that you father our children, as a man that they can look up to and admire, is uncommon in this world today. My heart swells as I see you raising up as a man of courage, unashamed of your faith. But mostly, thank you for loving me. For supporting me and my crazy ideas. For building me barn wood headboards and back drops. For planting a dream in my heart and then being my constant encourager as I walk it out. For reading my blog. For your complete inability to hack my facebook (ha!). For stepping over piles of creativity in the living room when I am in a crafting fervor. For teaching me how to use a hammer properly. For loving me without make-up. For letting me hold the remote. For allowing me to chase Jesus with all I have, even when it means late nights and crazy ideas.

There's more. There's so much more. But ugly cry makes it hard to see the screen to type... and so I will just say, thank you for loving me. I know it's hard sometimes. I know that I can be moody, and difficult, and demanding. Yet you love me just the same.... Jim, my life would be less without you. I would be less without you. Thank you for helping me find me... thank you for loving, and for loving well.

07: my mom

2011-11-07T20:06:00.003-05:00

Today I am thankful for my mom, who I had the opportunity tosee receive a Peer Recognition Award this afternoon at VU. To be recognized bysupervisors is one thing, but to be recognized by your peers demonstrates adifferent kind of passion and integrity. She goes about her life, doing her jobwith excellence even in the face of chronic pain and disability, in such a waythat she is able to make those she works with feel important and loved. She isable to excel without making others feel like less, and that’s certainly aspecial gift.

Yet I have the fortune of knowing her not only as a coworker(which I am!) but as a mom. How can I express thanks to the person who gave melife? Who in the face of a boyfriend insisting on an abortion, insisted on life…and because of that I am here to type this today. Had she done nothing elsebeyond that point, it would have been enough. She chose to fight for this littlelife growing inside her, a life that she knew would change everything she knew,or dreamed, or cared about. That iscourage.

I am grateful that she taught me the hard lessons in life,with love. That she allowed me to make my own decisions and experience theconsequences of mistakes. That she taught me that life isn’t always fair. That having less doesn’t necessarily mean you have less, but that your blessings arestored elsewhere. I thank her for teaching me how to love the unlovely. I amgrateful that growing up she was my mother- not necessarily my friend. That shetaught me to respect her and others in authority over me. That rules are therefor a reason. That nothing good happens to a teenager after midnight. Because of that, in my adulthood, we havedeveloped a genuine friendship based on mutual respect and love.

Seeing her receive her award today, it was clear theinspiration she has been to so many, and the admiration she receives from herpeers. But I get to do one better than that… I get to love her. After all, she’smy momma.

06: spiritual leaders

2011-11-06T22:54:00.001-05:00

Today I am thankful for the spiritual leaders God has placedover me. The shepherds He has called to lead His flock, the friends He hascalled to lead this sheep. As I have reflected on the spiritual leaders in mylife, it occurs to me that I must really be a mess because this sheep needs notone, or two… but three shepherds tokeep her on course! And that doesn’t evencount all of the Pastors that have impacted my life over the years!

I am thankful todayfor Seth Alexander. Seth pastors my home church (FBC Bicknell). I amthankful for the educator that he is. For the passion he has for the Truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. I amthankful for the visionary leader he has become, taking our little church froma completely inward-focused, keep-our-members-comfortable-and-happy mode ofoperation to an entirely outward-focused, find-the-lost-and-show-them-Jesusapproach to doing church. I am thankful for the way he has challenged each of usto become disciple-makers, reminding us that it’s our job to reach this lost and dying world, and that if we don’t doit… who will? My heart rejoices as we continue to see thestreets of Hell depopulated! Just today we witnessed the 45^th personstep into the waters of baptism since we began the push to reach the unchurchedin our community! Forty-five people!That’s a big deal, folks, especially in a community our size! God knew what He was doing, Seth, when Hecalled you to lead us. And He knew just what I needed when He called you to be my friend.

I am thankful todayfor Kathy Stephens. Kathy teaches a Bible Study in her home on Mondaynights that feeds my spirit and has encouraged me to seek the deeper things ofGod. Her humble spirit finds confidencein God to say things that challenge the American mindset and encourage us totrust a God who warns us that it will notbe easy, but promises that it will beworth it. Her spiritual insight into the Scriptures continue to amaze me…taking me deeper and deeper into passages that I have sometimes read a dozentimes… and never thought of it quite like*that*! I found myself at Kathy’sBible Study many years ago, just as I was really beginning to hunger after God…and it was there that I learned how to read Scripture, and hear God’s voice. What a gift! She took me from spiritual milkto meat, and continues each week through the power of the Holy Spirit toconfirm, challenge, and convict me. Kathy, you are a mighty woman of God, and the work you do in your home is trulyKingdom work- reaching across denominational barriers and gathering us togetheras one Body!

I am thankful todayfor Dusty McCandless. Dusty pastors the New Life Community Church inHaubstadt. I only met Dusty about seven months ago, but he has spoken so muchinto my life that it seems like it must havebeen longer than that! Since that time I have regularly attended anintercessory prayer service their church hosts on Saturday evenings. Over and over again, Dusty has spoken thingsto my ears which were directly from the throne room of God. He has encouraged my ravished heart to beever more sold out and radical for my God. His passion for Jesus is contagious (and Ithink some people very near and dear to me are catching the fever too!) and Hislove for God’s people is written all over his heart and his actions. Dusty, Ithank God for the way he has used you to speak directly into my spirit. I thankyou for the encourager you have been to step confidently into the calling Godhas placed on my life.

How lucky am I? How blessed? To have these three individualsto guide and mentor me. How thankful am I that they said “yes” to the call to go and make disciples! And how humbledam I by their example… which is ever and always to point to Jesus. To shine a light on Him. Never accepting glory ontheir own name, but always lifting a banner up in Jesus name!

I don’t do a great job of letting each of you know howprecious you are to me (I was even a Pastor Appreciation Month Failure)… so letme take this time to say thank youfrom the depths of my heart for who youare and for the gentle care you have taken in nourishing my spirit.

05: amazing friends

2011-11-05T16:57:00.002-04:00

Today I am so thankful for the incredible friends God has called along this path with me!

I am so thankful for the friends who have always been there. Who walked through my history with me, and stand with me today, loving me all the same... or perhaps even loving me more because of it.

I am so thankful for the friends who patiently listen through my mind dumping sessions as I run along a mile a second about all of the plans and dreams and concerns and hurts and blessings that rattle on around this brain of mine.

I am so thankful for the friends who challenge unhealthy thoughts and attitudes... who hold me accountable and make me want to look more like Jesus.

I am so thankful for the friends who love me enough to invest in my children's lives... to make runs to Evansville when my schedule gets overcrowded, or plan video gaming sessions with Z, or take time for ice cream and bubbles.

I am so thankful for the new friends He continues to bring into my life. The ones who picked up like they've known me forever. The ones who "match".

I am so thankful for the family God has planted in my life that have surpassed the flesh and blood relationship to one of true friendship and mutual love and respect.

I am so thankful for the friends who know all of the inside jokes. Who can read my mind with the glance of an eye. Who know what <4 means. Who rejoice when I rejoice, and cry when I cry. Who are comfortable in the silence.

I am so thankful that the One who created the heavens and the earth, who holds the universe in the span of His hand, who gave up all of heaven to walk as a man and die for me, calls me friend.

All of this, so much more than this awkward little girl could have ever dared to dream of during those difficult times of loneliness most kids go through. So much more than I deserve. And yet, I find myself so richly blessed.

Thank you, friend, for the blessing you are to my life.
I thank my God upon every remembrance of you [Philippians 1:3].

04: uncle dave (friday flashback edition)

2011-11-04T15:48:00.000-04:00

I love doing the Friday Flashbacks because it gives me anopportunity to reflect on where I have come from and how God has been sointricately involved in every little detail of my life. {Isn’t He beautiful?} And today, as I considered how to combine myflashback with something I am thankful for… I kept landing on memories of UncleDave and Aunt Marge. There have been so many people who God has placed along mypath… guideposts along the road toward Him… but in Uncle Dave and Aunt Marge Isee how such a simple act can have a profound impact.

When I was about three years old, my family rented a housein Bicknell, Indiana that was owned by Dave and Marge Morwood. Lucky for us,they also lived right next door. My family was poor, and we certainly had ourproblems, but they met us right where we were. My mom tells me that as we moved from Cincinnati,the one promise she made to my Mamaw was that she would get me into a church. Isuspect that Mamaw spent a lot of time in her knees talking to God about this,because within a couple of weeks of moving into that little gray house on CedarStreet, the man who I had already come to know as Uncle Dave asked mom if Icould go to church with him.

At just over three years old, I stepped foot for the firsttime in First Baptist Church of Bicknell. Thirty-two years later, that is stillthe place I call home. In the decades in between, I have seen my baby brothersdedicated, my daddy accept Christ, my husband step into the waters of baptism,my children come to know Jesus… I have made some of the best friends I couldever imagine, and I have seen other friends get on fire for the Lord.

And to think, it all started when my next door neighborinvited me to church.

It doesn’t always take grand mission trips or enormous stepsof faith to impact the world for Christ. Sometimes it’s as simple as lookingaround you, seeing who God has placed there, and meeting them where they areat. I think of Uncle Dave often. I am sothankful for the guidepost he was in my life…and I believe that Christ is calling all of us to be along the path of otherseekers… pointing the way to Him. Whohas He placed in your life? Who is looking to you for direction? Whosetestimony would you find your namein?

Prayingyou hear the voice of the Lord directing you to action today… and that you do something about it!

03: something exciting!!!

2011-11-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

Tonight I am thankful for a great meeting of the minds with some beautiful women of God! The Lord has given us a vision to hold aWomen’s Conference to minister to the women of our area… and it’s going to beso, so, so good! We are still hammeringout the details… so I can’t tell you much… but I can tell you that it’s goingto be BIG, it’s going to be CHALLENGING, it’s going to be ENCOURAGING, and it’sgoing to have JESUS all over it!

And I am SO excited about it!

I am thrilled that the women He has called to work togetherare from different churches, different backgrounds, different denominations… yet we are all ONE. Isn’t His Body a beautiful thing!? Isn’t itamazing what happens when we work together in unity? Certainly we have different ideas anddifferent approaches… but in the end we are all looking to the One who canalready see this conference taking place and because of that I can totallytrust the path He is taking us down!

I’m bursting at the seams to tell you more… but He says “notyet”… so in the meantime… stay tuned!

02: zach

2011-11-02T22:49:00.000-04:00

This morning I answered some emails, made a few phone calls, typed in a few case notes and decided what I really needed was a nice mid-morning shower to wake myself up. [How awesome is it that I have the kind of job that allows me to work from home, so that break times can be spent in a nice, hot shower? But I digress...] As I headed back to my work space with my glass of water, I stepped over something on the floor. Not unusual in this house, but looking down I realized it was my son's school binder. The one that only two months into the school year is already falling apart and being held together with shiny silver duct tape. The one that has his conduct sheet in it that must be initialed every night. The one with his agenda that requires a parent signature daily. The one holding all of his homework.

I'm not going to lie. I looked at the stack of paperwork still calling my name and thought "I do NOT have time for this"...

But then I imagined him getting into his backpack, realizing this morning that he didn't have it. That sick, sinking feeling of realization that he was going to sit all of his recesses. So of course, wet hair and all, I headed toward his school, binder in hand.

I could have been aggravated, but really, I wasn't. Because all I could think about on the way to the school was how relieved he would be when that binder came walking into his classroom... and he would know... my mom came through for me. I got to be the hero today, and that was pretty cool.

Plus, it's not like I never left my binder (or paperwork, or report, or check book, or other-really-important-thing) at home before.

I keep thinking about that duct-tape repaired binder and the tornadic event that carries it back and forth to school every day. The one who rips holes in the knees of all of his jeans. The one who's bed always looks like a sasquatch spent the night in it with him. He is so different than his neat freak, clothes-has-to-be-just-right sister... and I love that about him!

He's obsessed with video games, but respects the "one hour a night" rule. He wants to play the games the other kids are playing, but doesn't argue with my "I don't think so" look at the video game store. He's a good kid. He has an amazing sense of humor. He loves to torment his sister. He loves to torment me. He also loves to sit next to me on the couch and cuddle. Begs me to rub his back, and his feet, and his face (yes, his face...) and I love that about him!

It's hard to imagine this straight A student was once a little boy who we wondered if he would ever find his words. Hours of speech therapy, patience, and prayer... we can't shut him up now. And I love that about him!

Today, I am so thankful for my little man, Zachary. I am thankful for the young man he is growing into. I am thankful for the gentle way he holds baby Ty at church, and then the full out heart he plays football with later that same afternoon. I am thankful for his laugh. I am even thankful for his mess. And days that he leaves his binder on the floor.

And I am so, so thankful for those times when he says "thank you Mommy".

Like tonight, when he told me that his binder showed up right before first recess. Just in time.

30 days of thanks

2011-11-01T22:52:00.001-04:00

Last year in November, some of my Facebook friends took the time to offer up one thing they were thankful for every day of the month... so this year I am going to do that here at my mind's eye. I hope that you will join in sharing some of the things YOU are thankful for!

Today, my heart is full of thanks for new opportunities. The Lord has blessed me with a knack for the creative, whether it be scrapbooking, painting, decorating... or photography... it's something that comes naturally, and obviously from the Lord! For a long time I have been resistant of using these gifts to earn money... but lately He is showing me that some giftings can be used so that I have more resources to support ministries, or more free time to serve Him. This is a part of the process of becoming all that He imagined me to be when He created me. It's becoming comfortable in my own skin, and in my talents...

As I type that I think about the three servants with whom the master left talents. I know, I know, in the parable the talents are actually money... but it certainly seems appropriate to correlate those talents with the abilities our Master has deposited into our lives. How are we investing them? How are we sowing them? How are we using them to bring increase to the kingdom? I have always seen my talents as an opportunity to bless others... but God has been very clear over the last two or three months that He has something more in mind.

After much prayer, and the surprising (and consistent, and encouraging, and supportive) urging of Jim, I have decided to take my photography gig a little more seriously. For years I have taken senior pics, family pics, tortured my own children, done more weddings than I care to remember, and dabbling in sports photography. I have charged very nominal prices for my time because, well, I just felt weird about it. Now, however, after a ridiculous number of confirmations (yes, I kept wringing out the fleece and waiting for yet another confirmation from God, and boy am I thankful that He is not only patient, but also generous to meet us in our hesitancy)... I am officially going to label myself a "photographer" by launching my brand-spanking-new website.

I am so thankful for this opportunity. Since the time Jim first began talking to me about doing this for real, I have been inundated with requests for family portraits, senior pics, and children's sessions. I even ended up at a wedding on a weeks notice (He has a sense of humor, too). He is saying... walk this way, Becky. I have no idea where this path is leading me. He hasn't illuminated much farther than the next step... but you know what...

I trust Him.

And so I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, following where His voice is calling. If this proves to be a short-lived side job to allow Jim and I to get completely debt free, that is enough! If this proves to be a long term opportunity to raise money to support ministries and missionaries He has placed on my heart, that is enough! If this leads to other opportunities, that is enough! Even if it goes nowhere... I trust the process, and that is enough!

So... excitedly, hesitantly, nervously, expectantly... I bring to you...
in a blink
UPDATE: I registered my own domains so now in a blink can be found at beckyboyles.com!

Click. Tell your friends. Let me know what you think. And pray for me... that I believe and not doubt what He is asking me to do...

And I will be doing the same for you, friend... because our Creator God is One who is always growing us, stretching us, asking us to step outside of the box and trust Him. He likes to create something new. Because of that I can be confident that He is speaking to your heart as well about the next step in your life. What new opportunities is He placing before you?

friday flashback

2011-10-28T20:24:00.001-04:00

Tonight as I was picking up the living room I decided to actually sort through one of my infamous piles o' stuff rather than just move it to a secondary location (which is my preferred method for managing my many piles o' stuff). There were magazines, a few pieces of the kids school work, a card Jim gave me for Valentines day a year or two ago... just a bunch of hodge podge things that haven't found a home yet. As I discarded, sorted, and put away, I came across a folded envelope that I initially put in the discard file, til it landed with a "thud" and I realized it was not empty. Opening it, I found an eclectic group of pictures, some of Zach as a baby, one of me on my first birthday, Easter pics of the kids from two different years, a picture of me and my mom (I may or may not be organizationally challenged....) and among them this picture...

That's five year old me holding my six week old baby brother, Christopher. Sweet Chris was born on October 12, 1981 and we soon learned that he had Werdnig-Hoffman Disease. Even as a child, I remember that term carrying great weight. I recall my mom explaining to others that it was a kind of Muscular Dystrophy (it is also known as Spinal Muscular Atrophy, Type I). I recall her explaining to us that Baby Chris would not be with us for long, but that we were going to love him with everything we had for every moment of his life.

I am not sure how a child is supposed to process this kind of information, but it seems that for me it just became a natural part of our life. Our dining room table was moved to make room for his special crib and all of the machines he had to be hooked up to. Our daily routine included home health aides and nurses coming in to help with his care. At times, mom had to be gone with Chris to the hospital, but most of the time he got to be home with us. I am not sure how my parents managed to balance the strain of a terminally ill child with the needs of two other children... but they did. They allowed our life to feel "normal" even in the midst of such chaos. We sat out on the porch swing. We colored pictures. We hunted Easter Eggs. And we loved each other.

And then, when he was only eleven months old, mom had the terrible job of coming home and telling us that Baby Chris had passed away. I wanted to comfort my mom, and so I said "it's okay Mommy, he is with Jesus now!" I don't want you to misunderstand... I missed my little brother. I still do. I wonder what a 20 year old Christopher Talley would have looked like. I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with yet another little brother. But, in that moment, all I could think was he is with Jesus. He wins! No more pain, no more needles, no more feeding tubes, no more trache care... he is with Jesus.

I think about my own life. I think about how Paul struggled with whether it was better to be here, doing God's work, or in eternity standing in awe of the One who is our all in all. No matter what... we win. Chris was such a special person, that he was able to accomplish his purpose in just eleven months (it takes most of us a little longer than that to figure it out). Today as I think about him... I'm sure he's hanging out with my Daddy, worshiping Jesus with all that they have in them. And some day I will get to stand along side them... but until then, I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other on this crazy path God is calling me down.

Baby Chris was only here a short while, but he had a big, big impact on a lot of lives. Because of him, my family began going to church, and my daddy came to know Jesus. Because of him, I have always held my own kids a little tighter and tried to raise them in the light of eternity- knowing that regardless of what this life may bring, we who are in Christ Jesus can trust in our happily-ever-after.

If God could use a baby to effect so much change in eleven short months... what can He do with you, if only you would say "yes"? Trust Him. Trust the crazy path He is calling you down...if you are here, He has something He has purposed for you to do since before the foundation of this world was laid (mind-boggling, isn't it?!) Follow Him! You can't go wrong! If you trust Jesus... you win.

For me to, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith... Philippians 1:21-25

Proud Papa

2011-10-27T08:44:00.001-04:00

Do you know how proud your Daddy God is of you? He sees yourheart, postured to learn more about Him. He sees your hands, reaching out tothose in need. He sees your lips, speaking words of encouragement and love. Hesees your feet, on the path He has set out before you. Do you know how proud He isof you?

So often we go through our daily walks, doing as we think He would have us do… and we forget howengrossed He is in every action, every reaction… watching for evidence of HisHoly Spirit at work within us. Certainlythere are times when we fail, but I am convinced that His focus are not on those moments… I am convinced that Hisfocus are on the moments that point to our progress in looking more and morelike His Son.

Picture Him, gazing over the balcony of Heaven, cheering youon just as I did when Zach was running toward the end zone. Imagine that!!!! He is watching everystep. He sees the opposition… He sees you when you fall short of the goal… but He knows you are learning, and He truststhe process because it’s His process. I wasn’t disappointed that it took severalruns for Zach to get into the end zone… I was proud of him that he just kepttrying. And that each time, he pushed a little harder, ran with moreconfidence, and got a little closer.

I was reminded of my proud Papa yesterday when a familymember called, out of the blue, after having read “lessons in teamwork”. He kept thinking of my statement “and that’sthe day I officially became a football mom”… and how proud I had been watchingZach succeed… and he felt the nudge to call me and remind me how proud our Heavenly Father is ofus. Of me. That the pride we feelin our own children does not even begin to touchhow proud He is of us. Of you.

He is watching, ever watching. But not as a DivineScorekeeper. Not as a dispassionate announcer. He is watching as a Father… bursting with pride when you sharea kind word with another, when you choose not to carry the weight of offenseand instead opt for forgiveness, when you evidence patience, and love, andfaithfulness. He is ravished by you! He is so proud of you!

And, he is proud of you, too, Ed… after all you didn’t haveto call. You didn’t even have my phone number, and you knew that I would besurprised to hear your voice… but He told you to, and so you did. It felt like asmall act from your end, I’m sure… yet tome you were the voice of encouragement and confirmation. You were the voice ofmy Daddy saying, “I am proud of you,Becky. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other…I will guide your path.” Thank you so much.

How can we encourage one another today? What opportunitiesdo you have in your workplace, in your home, at the gym to be kind? You don’t have to sell all you own, or rushto a far off land, or have a deep spiritual revelation to make your Daddyproud. You just need to put one foot in front of the other, and allow Him toguide you. Listen for the nudge, and make the phone call. Ignore the chaos ofthe world, and smile at the clerk at the grocery store. Hold a door forsomeone. Look them in the eye. Let the world see Jesus in you today… and while you are at it, listen for your Daddy yellingfrom the stands “Way to go! Way TO GO! WELL DONE!!!!”

A proud daddy :)

lessons in teamwork

2011-10-24T23:18:00.001-04:00

Sunday was truly a red letter day for my little man. As he said while changing into pj's last night... "that was the best game of my life". And truly, it was the best game of his two year football career. Zach is always well used during football games- playing on both the offensive and defensive line and on all the special teams (in fact, he has played every minute of every game this season!)... but in this game he not only got to sack the quarterback, but then was put in many times as center, got to assist with field goals by holding the ball for the kicker, was able to return a kick-off... and the crowning moment, his coaches then put him in as running back and after a couple of tries he scored his first official TOUCHDOWN! I was so stinking excited for him! I'm not going to lie, I was pretty stoked for myself too because I happened to be on the sidelines taking pictures as it all unfolded. His coaches were so happy for him, each of them asking "Did you get it mom? Did you get the shot?" And from the sidelines, I could hear all of our friends and family yelling and cheering for him. It was electric!

Sure it was just a youth football league. And our team was so far ahead that we didn't need another touchdown. But what an experience for him. And as I proudly proclaimed on Facebook after the fact... it was then that I officially became a football mom! Zach and I rushed home to check out the pics I had taken. He gave me the play by play through the game as we relived each moment in time captured on film. Great shot of the QB sack! Cool pics of him set to hike the ball! Action shots of him returning a kick-off! And of course the money shot of his first touch down! But of all the pics I took yesterday (a couple hundred!)... this is the picture that impacted me the most...

And it has nothing to do with the determination on my sons face... or the excitement I felt in this moment... or the cheers I could hear from his daddy...

It's because of the boys surrounding Zachary. His teammates, his friends... going before and behind, to the left and the right... complete protection as he runs the ball toward the end zone. They have him covered. This is what teamwork looks like. The boys I see in this picture are the ones that are usually running the ball... chasing the glory that lies just a few yards away while Zach stands in the gap for them on the line. But this time the roles are reversed and they are taking their job seriously. They've been there, they know when he gets to the end zone everyone will be yelling his name, not theirs... but they recognize their job as no less important. Protect the runner, make a hole, lead him through the chaos to the goal line.

It makes me cry to look at this picture. And I can't help but think... what if we acted like this in the Body of Christ? What if we worried less about who got the "glory" of a score on the board and more about just reaching the end zone? If entire church bodies would look at who's currently carrying the ball, and rally around them, cover them, protect them and carry them to the goal line. If rather than breaking out in jealousy when the church down the street experiences a "boom"... we would rejoice with them because we realize that it's not about the number of people in independent buildings... it's about the number of souls going to HEAVEN... it's about de-populating Hell. THAT'S the goal... and it doesn't matter if my church gets there this time, and yours the next, those points still go on the board...

I once read:
There is no limit to what can be accomplished when no one cares who gets the credit. {I've researched this quote, and it's attributed to at least three different people, so we are going to call it "Author Unkown"}

That's what I see in the picture of my son. A group of boys unconcerned with who gets the credit, single-mindedly focused on reaching the end zone... together. And while these are just the boys caught on film actively protecting Zach, he pointed out that on a subsequent run someone on the line failed to block and he got creamed. That kid was in the position Zach usually plays... and in that moment he fully understood the importance of his job on the line. It takes a team to make a touchdown... it takes a Body to save the lost.

Can we, for the sake of the lost and dying of this world, tear down denominational {read man-made} walls and rejoice with one another? Cover one another? Protect one another? Realize that our common goal is not to fill our individual pews, but to populate Heaven? That we are about Kingdom Work not congregation building? That there are enough lost and dying in our communities that there should never be a cause for stealing sheep from another flock? After all, would a coach go and grab kids off the other team when he has kids ready to play standing on the sidelines?

And within our local bodies... what if we rallied around our Pastors the way we see these young boys rally around their QB? What if we flanked him/her... front, back, to the left and to the right. What if we stood in the gap in prayer, standing against the schemes of the enemy, being a first line of defense as he/she prepares the charge into the end zone? What if rather than criticizing, or neglecting, or tearing down... we built them up, encouraged, and protected? As Zach learned when he was in the back field... when the line fails, the play fails. Realize that your role in the Body is just as important as any other... whether you are on the line, or running the ball, or calling the plays... and if any one part of the Body fails... the line fails to block, the QB is slow on the hand off, the running back fumbles the ball... the play fails. If you aren't standing in the gap, praying for your pastor every day (count me guilty...!) you are leaving him/her open to the schemes of the Enemy! If you get the message of salvation and fail to carry it into this lost and dying world, you've fumbled the play! Romans 12:3-8 says:
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many parts, and these parts do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body...We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. [NIV]

God has gifted each of us differently. Our role is to realize what He has called us to do within the Body, and then do it with excellence. Give it 110% like I see these little boys doing in this picture. Single-mindedly working toward the common goal of reaching the LOST and growing His Kingdom! There is no limit, Church, to what we can accomplish when no one cares who gets the credit! It doesn't matter if you are on the line, or the kick-off team, run the ball or call the plays... it's about the Kingdom... and there is ONLY One who is deserving of the glory anyway! So rise up, friends... and take a lesson from this group of youth football players. After all, it's not about who's name goes in the book as haing made a TD... it's about whose name goes in the Lamb's Book of LIFE!

Psalm 133 {NLT}
How wonderful and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony!
For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil
that was poured over Aaron's head,
that ran down his beard
and onto the border of his robe.
Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon
that falls on the mounts of Zion.
And there the LORD has pronounced his blessing,
even life everlasting.

jealous

2011-10-21T22:51:00.000-04:00

Tonight at a football game, 10 year old drama broke out as my daughter explained her "boyfriend" was flirting with other girls during lunch hour. As I attempted to explain to her that she could not expect him to stay away from every other girl in the world... and reminded her that she has a couple of guy friends herself that she is very chummy with, I just kept thinking "this is how jealous God is for me".

The rest of the night, as I watched our local football team, this notion of a jealous God kept running through my mind. Exodus 34:14 says You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. NLT

He is jealous for me. Jealous. He is jealous about His relationship with me! In this same passage He tells me to be careful. Not to make covenants with others in the land, don't take up the idols of the world... in fact to actively tear them down so that they don't become a snare with me.

Jesus isn't looking for a Bride who just stays out of bed with other men... He is looking one that won't even flirt with them during lunch break. He is a jealous, zealous God. He is so passionate about you, that He wants your gaze ever steadied on Him and Him alone. Not because He needs our affection, but because He knows that we desperately need His. And because of that He wants nothing to distract us from the one thing that makes us complete.

He is jealous. He doesn't just want to be our number one God. He wants to be our only God. As my friend, Kathy Stephens, illustrated... "Your husband doesn't want to just be your favorite husband... he wants to be your only husband".

Yet how often do we flirt with the things of this world... cast our tent outside Sodom only to wake up and realize we are a leader in the city?

The Bridegroom is calling out... He is looking for a Bride that is ravished by Him. A Bride who needs nothing beyond His love, because she knows that He is enough. That when our world is unsteady, He is enough. When our bank account is in crisis, He is enough. When loved ones fall ill, He is enough. When people fail us, He is enough. Who desires no other God besides Him, because He is enough.

Is He enough for you tonight? He gave His all on your behalf, yet like most of us... are you still chasing after things of this world to fill your need to belong, to be loved, to be important? The Bridegroom is calling out to you, He is looking for your ravished heart. He is looking for my ravished heart. I have things to lay down. Little idols to destroy. Praying you will allow Jesus to search your heart and shine His light into the places that require more of Him... He is jealous for you...

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. [Hebrews 12:2a]

shhhhhhh.....!

2011-10-21T00:13:00.004-04:00

Can you keep a secret? You promise?

Good... here goes... lean in friend, I have something to share with you...

{i'm going to start blogging again}

Phew.
I said it.

After days of working on a total blog overhaul (you like?), I decided tonight was the night to really do it. I'm a little apprehensive, because I'm not really sure how this jump back into blogging is going to look. But lately I've been feeling a lot like Jeremiah when he said "his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." {Jeremiah 20:9}

After a two and a half year hiatus (really? that long?!), I don't expect that anyone would really be paying attention to this little blog 'o mine... but if YOU'VE ever had a fire shut up in your bones, you understand my desire to do something about it! So even if it's just me and Jesus hanging out here at my mind's eye... I'm glad to be back.

did you miss me?

2009-05-24T22:14:00.003-04:00

where have i been, you ask? how is it that i've only made one brief post since 4/28? i know, i know... these are the burning questions that have kept you awake at night... so let's take a look at my recent life

4/29- typical crazy wednesday. work all day, get the kids from school, shopping for sonshine kids, then youth group bible study and turtle time. flags may or may not have been involved.

4/30- all day training/meeting at work. convince tali that it's okay to miss dance class. packing for departure to wisconsin tomorrow morning (by 6am no less).

5/1- wake up to realize it's 5:38. madness ensues. manage to get husband, two children, and self up and dressed and out of the house by 5:54. i've got mad skillz. leave for wisconsin. arrive safely to find we are staying in a "quaint" hotel on the property. we definitely did not refer to it as the bates motel. ever.

5/2- lovin' me some green lake.

5/3- leave green lake having caught the vision and having one of the most emotional, touching experiences with the amazing group of people God called for just such a time as this. meet a sweet kid named nate with the cutest accent at pizza hut. much discussion, singing, and sleeping on the van ride home. kudos to our driver, steve for getting us there and back safely. oh, and i'm fairly certain we were one of the most rowdy groups ever to haunt the terre haute steak 'n shake at 9pm on a sunday night.

5/4- gratuitous day off work to rest. blog post made on this date.

5/5- having missed dance class last week, definitely couldn't miss today. worked rear end off due to having been essentially off the road for three days in the last week.

5/6- another crazy weds. work. take brother to doctor's appointment. ask jennifer to cover me shopping and preparing for ssk tonight due to said appointment and having to leave for another training (for work this time). pack bags again. arrive at church in time to assist with meal. realize church clerk will not be showing up for business meeting, so as assistant stay to take minutes of the meeting. hug and kiss kids goodbye {again}. pick up mom and head to columbus, indiana. arrive safely at 9pm.

5/7- attend training on ministry with the elderly. so good. had an awesome supper that night with my mama and hit some outlet malls. enjoyed spoiling my family. thankful for seth's friend tom tom.

5/8- training ended on this day at 2:30pm. discover during the day that a client is in crisis. spend the entire two hour drive home on the phone trying to solve said crisis. little progress made. arrive home in time to pick up tali and zach from brookes, stop by the house and pack an overnight bag, and take zach immediately to his friend isaacs house for a sleepover. then go immediately to the jones' estate where we left to go to brock hancock's benefit dinner and auction.

5/9- spent some time running errands with the family and just chilling out. felt it was deserved at this point.

5/10- church and then tali's dress rehearsal for alice in wonderland in henderson, ky.

5/11- worked literally from 8:30am to 7:30pm this day with a couple of hour break in the middle. my job is not usually like this, but with so many days out and off for training, it was not avoidable today. by the time i got home i was feeling pretty cruddy- sinus icky and super tired.

5/12- definitely coming down with something but working anyway. dance class in the evening.

5/13- things are no good at all. not one bit. had a meeting in the morning and then stayed home and did case notes and such. by 3pm feeling really bad. called in favors and didn't even go to ssk or youth group or turtles. becky is ill.

5/14- home sick from work. was supposed to go to training, so glad i didn't. no dance class tonight, mommy was not feeling good. kids hanging out with jim at the ball park. thanks daddy :)

5/15- still not feeling good, but guilt for taking sick time forces me to another all day training and meeting. not a great idea. take pictures for the photo booth at the kids spring carnival... even worse idea.

5/16- dress rehearsal for alice in wonderland. in henderson, ky of course. home to sleep.

5/17- teach sunday school and then head out for the performance of alice. the show was beautiful. becky was dog tired. out to eat with our bffs afterward. not home til 9pm.

5/18- still sick and realizing it's really "something". call doctor. see him at 3pm. bronchitis and three prescriptions. not able to breath and hanging out on the couch.

5/19- still no good. bronchitis plus migraine. skip dance.

5/20- feeling human again! yay! worked hard today, then did the typical crazy wednesday night routine. lovin' life.

5/21- dance class tonight- last one for the summer.

5/22- kid's last day of school. awards. open house for work in bloomfield. graduation at the high school. proud of tyson :)

5/23- picking strawberries with the family. zach's ball practice. preparing strawberries and catching up on three weeks worth of missed tv.

5/24- today. and now, having typed all that, i am exhausted all over again and you are completely bored! LOL

as crazy as it's been, i can't help but reflect on this month and how incredibly blessed i am. my job is amazing. my church family is truly a beautiful thing. i am so lucky to have two amazing kids who are passionate about the things they love (dance and baseball). a husband who will wisk the kids away when he knows i need the peace and quiet to rest. the opportunities to continue to learn and grow. and that even though i was really sick, how infrequently that happens to any serious degree!

so there, you are all caught up! i will try to get some pics up here or on facebook... but that's only if i can pick up my internet signal from the ball park :)

on. the. verge.

2009-05-04T19:09:00.003-04:00

We used to watch Deal or No Deal all of the time, and occasionally I still catch the daytime version of it. On today's show, this guy was playing for his retirement. He had two big dollar amounts left on the board, and it was crucial that he keep both in. The tension was building. Howie Mandell was pacing. The contestant was wringing his hands. The girl standing at the suitcase was nervous, clearly feeling that the content of her case was somehow her own personal responsibility. The lighting was dramatic, as was the music. The focus of the entire audience was on the girl with the case. Suspense was mounting. And then Howie said the magic words...

"Open your case".... and immediately turning his attention to the camera he said... "after this commercial break".

The entire audience, myself included, let out a collective groan.

Why you treat me like this, Howie?

It's the hardest place to be... right on the verge of something... the moments before the big reveal... having an incredible surprise for someone(s) you love and having to keep it quiet... at least through this commercial break. I feel like that's where I am right now. Right on the verge of something big. Just on the edge of a mighty move of God. And He's saying... "I'm going to show off big time"..... "right after this commercial break".

C'mon God. Why you do this to me?

Thoughts from Wim Hoff.

2009-04-28T18:37:00.002-04:00

I know what you are thinking, who in the world is Wim Hoff? And why should I care what he's thinking? Well in brief he is this Dutchman that goes running around on the sides of mountains in nothing but a pair of shorts and occasionally, sandals. I saw a documentary about him last night on Discovery. They called him "The Iceman" because of his uncanny ability to withstand temperatures for periods of time thought impossible for humans. He once spent 1 hour and 17 minutes packed in ice, remaining alert the entire time. He's even taken a stab at Mt. Everest wearing nothing but his shorts and sandals. Which again begs the question, why do I care what he's thinking? Well, I will tell you... during the course of his interview last night he said something that I had to write down:

I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live.

You see he's faced quite a bit of eyebrows-raised-criticism for what some would think of as dangerous, frivolous, antics. But to him, running through ankle-deep snow in a pair of cotton shorts is living.

Now I'm certainly not advocating stripping to the bare essentials and jogging around in the snow, or even the sun for that matter. But this mantra of his, "I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live" got me thinking. It got me thinking about a story I recently read in the Bible. It's a story that has haunted me in a way, challenged me. You can find this story in Numbers 13-14. I encourage you to read it for yourself... but here it is New Revised Becky Paraphrase:

Almighty God has delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, parted the Red Sea, protected them during their passage through the dessert, met them on a mountain, fed them from His very hand... you get the idea. God has been there for His people. In every detail He has provided. He has not failed them a single time. He had proven Himself a trustworthy, faithful, generous God. And He has done all of this to deliver them into a land flowing with milk and honey.

Here we find the Israelites camped at the border of this Promised Land. God tells Moses to send in 12 leaders to scout the land and bring back to the people a report, and so they do. Among those sent are Caleb and Joshua. These twelve spies go into the land and when they return they bring with them fruit as evidence of the bounty of the land they have seen. They tell Moses and the Israelites "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey!" (13:27) You can picture it, can't you... "It's just like God said it would be! Look, here is the fruit of the vine... and it's everywhere!"

and then it comes.

the but.

"But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large." (13:28)

So human, huh? Out of the twelve that went, ten were convinced that the people inhabiting the lands were too large and powerful for them to overtake. The fatal flaw is that they didn't have to do it at all... their God would go before them and behind them! He had promised them this land and He had demonstrated Himself to be a Father who never breaks His promises! He had parted the sea on their behalf! What could He not do? But their faith was not in Him, it was in their own ability.

Dang it.

But there were two, Caleb and Joshua, who stood up to the crowd and proclaimed "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the LORD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us." (14:7-9) They proclaim if God is for us, who can be against us!!! (Romans 8:31). They beg the Israelites to trust the God who had already shown up in so many ways, to trust that He would provide, to believe that He would go before them. They tore their clothes and cried out to the Israelites who were by this time in full freak-out mode.

Despite all He had already done for them, the Israelites could only see the obstacles. They were so sure they couldn't go any farther that they petitioned one another to choose a new leader and... hold on to your seats here... return to Egypt. Seriously! They wanted to return to slavery!

But Caleb and Joshua thought differently, and God said "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." (14:24) Caleb demonstrated the heart God would have us seek after- a heart that trusts in HIS promise and provision! And because Caleb had this heart, God said "I will bring him into My Promise!"

Boy do I ever want to be THAT guy.

But instead so many times we end up being the masses that writhe around in doubt and unbelief, the ones about whom God said: "As surely as I live, declares the LORD, I will do to you the very things I heard you say" (14:28). Over and over again God had heard them whine and moan that God had only brought them into this desert to die, over and over again God had heard them doubt His provision, over and over again He had witnessed their unbelief... and finally He said "That's it! I've had ENOUGH! I will give you exactly what you have asked for over and over and over again! Here! Have your death if that's what you want so badly!" And He declared that not one of the unbelieving Israelites would enter the Promised Land.

I do NOT want to be that guy.

I do not want to be the one that only sees the obstacles, and fails to see the one Who has already overcome those obstacles! I want to be CALEB. I want to be the guy that says "No! Don't turn around! Press on! With GOD all things are possible! He said He's going to do this, and He will!"

Now, some of you may be wondering, what in the world does this have to do with Wim Hoff? [and the rest of you, weary from this long post, have already forgotten all about him, right?] You see, Wim isn't afraid of dying... he doesn't see an obstacle... he sees an opportunity to LIVE.

My friend, if you are alive in Christ Jesus, you are ALIVE. You need not fear death, but relish every opportunity to live out your life in the light of His grace! We are going to face challenges- that's a promise... but take heart because each of those are an opportunity to shine, grow, and learn. Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds (James 1:2).

When I worked at Hartland I would often go into Steve's office with the proclamation "Steve, I have a problem"... to which he would promptly (and quite annoyingly) reply... "is it a problem or an opportunity?"

Steve, I get it now.

When the Israelites stood on the shores of the Red Sea, they saw an obstacle, and God saw a chance to SHOW OFF. When they cried in the desert that they were starving, their eyes were on the problem, but God used it as an opportunity to demonstrate His grace and provision. On their own, they could not have made it into the desert. On their own they could not make it through the desert. And on their own they would not make it into the Promised Land, but with God ALL THINGS are possible. And He eventually did lead a new generation into the land flowing with milk and honey.

When we face obstacles, we should be like Mr. Hoff, and Steve Hart, and Caleb... and instead of focusing on the problem look for the opportunity that lies within that problem. Who knows that God won't call any one of us home this very night? Who knows that we will live just another week, or month, or year? That, my friends, doesn't scare me at all... what scares me is the thought of not living a life devoted to Him in the meantime.

I am not afraid to die... I am afraid not to live.

Submission is...

2009-04-24T16:14:00.003-04:00

Scary blog title, huh? It's okay, you aren't going to have to sit through my definition today! But God has given me a testimony about this topic, and some day I look forward to sharing it!

The last two days I have listened to a broadcast from Beth Moore by Focus on the Family entitled Embracing God's View of You Marriage. It's been SO good. If you go to the Focus on the Family website you can listen to this two part series online. To find them I did a search on their site for "Beth Moore" and this broadcast was first on the list... or you can see if this link works [no guarantees, folks... and this is only for the first half. the link appears to be broken for the second half so you'll have to go through their site to find it].

http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001921.cfm

It honestly doesn't matter if you are or are not married- if you are in a relationship you should listen. There's a lot more to the message than Biblical submission, so go and listen.

But this is the quote that sealed the package with a little bow for me. I love it...

Submission means learning to duck, so God can hit your husband.
-Beth Moore

I want to know You

2009-04-21T15:54:00.011-04:00

Exodus 33:7-23
7 Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the "tent of meeting." Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp... 9 As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the LORD spoke with Moses. 10 Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. 11 The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.

12 Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."
14 The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." ...
18 Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

I love, love, love, love this passage of scripture. There is so much here about the kind of relationship God wants us to have with Him... and the richness of relationship He is ready to pour out to those willing to receive Him, for those willing to surrender to Him and His will.

There is a lot here, and could go on and on about these verses, but I want to focus in on a couple of key points. First, in verses 10-11 we see three different reactions to God's presence. Moses enters boldly and there he talks to God face to face, like a friend talks to a friend. Now we know that he didn't LITERALLY stand before an infinite God, looking at His face and having a conversation (see verse 20)... but this means that they talked intimately. Directly. That Moses asked and God answered. But what about the others in the community? Did they enter boldly? No... instead they stood at the openings of their own tents and bowed down. They watched Moses enter God's presence and then worshipped the LORD vicariously through him. And the one who was there with Moses, Joshua, never left the tent... He just stayed there in God's presence all of the time. I'm sure Moses would have stayed in the tent if he could have... but he knew the calling of the LORD, he knew that he had to GO and DO.

Think about that for a bit. Think about who you are. Nothing in this scripture says that what the Israelites or Joshua did is wrong, so be honest with yourself. Are you like Moses, entering the presence of God boldly, talking with him like you do your BFF? Then taking His Word to the world and leading them back to His presence? Or are you Joshua, the one who soaks in the presence of the Almighty God but never leaves the tent to share what he's experienced with others? Maybe you are among the many standing in the entrance of your own tents, unwilling [timid? unworthy? afraid?] to approach Him on your own, living vicariously through the ones who tell you how good it can be? Where are you when it comes time to worship the Almighty God?

It's comfortable to stay in the doorway of your tent. And of course it's great fun to be Joshua, basking forever in His presence. But studying this passage of scripture again I’m challenged by what Moses’ response to God is… he meets with Him face to face and then he takes God from the tent to the people. He enters the presence, he soaks in all that God has to offer him, and then he goes and acts as God's hands and feet in his community.

That doesn't mean that experiencing God personally, intimately, powerfully is a bad thing. That doesn't negate the importance of having God Encounters on a regular basis. It just means we have work to do too! Our friend, Moses had an unquenchable thirst for God and His presence. Despite the fact that he was with God for 40 days on the mountain, met with Him regularly in the Tent of the Meeting, talked to God directly and intimately… He still hungered for MORE. And in verse 18 he makes one of the most bold statements we’ll find in scripture… God agrees to go with Moses and Moses responds by asking...

Now show me your glory.

He wanted more. No matter how much he knew of God, he wanted to know more. Just before this request, Moses said to God "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." Moses clearly knew the Lord, many times he has experienced the power, might, and intimacy of the great I Am. In fact we just read a verse before that he met with God as a man meets with his friend, yet he was wise enough to understand that no matter how much he knew about God, there was always more to know. No matter how well he understood the ways of God, there were still things to learn. So BOLDLY (you agree it's bold, don't you?) he asks God... Show me your glory! I want more! I want a new revelation! I want to experience another facet of Who You Are! Show me your glory!!!

I have had some pretty amazing God Encounters. I have studied His character in His words and deeds. I know my Abba, Father. I love my Savior. I walk daily in the Spirit... yet this knowledge of mine is like a drop in the ocean of the vastness of His personhood. We have to remember that there's always more to know, that God will never fit into our narrow, human definitions... no matter how comprehensive we think that definition is, God won't fit into it. So we need to expect that this big, big God will act on us, and in us, in ways that we cannot understand or comprehend! Are you willing to surrender to that? Does your heart burn with a passion for Jesus? Does it burn with a passion to know Him more?

[btw for a great sermon on that topic go here to listen to Seth's sermon from Sunday. click on Burning Heart. it's sooooo good.]

We need to cry out to God, teach me your ways so I may know you! We should desire to talk to Him face to face! We should have a heart for taking His Word to the people... and then leading His people into His place of promise! And even after we have experienced his power and might and intimacy over and over and over... we should cry out to Him... show me your glory!

And guess what... He will.

Freedom in Worship

2009-04-21T15:42:00.001-04:00

Loved this blog by my Turtle Sister, Jennifer...
Go.
Read.
Be Challenged.

Freedom in Worship

Prayers Please

2009-04-20T16:55:00.002-04:00

One of my coworkers husband has been having severe medical issues for the last year... and was just recently placed on a transplant list for a multiple visceral transplant...

Well they got "The Call" today and he was just taken back into surgery! He will be receiving SEVERAL organs and the surgery is expected to last 8-12 hours.

Please be praying for Brock, his wife Brenda, daugther Sydney and the doctors.

Also pray for the family that is suffering great loss today so that Brock may go on to experience life.

how ironic....

2009-04-06T08:20:00.005-04:00

that every time you've checked my blog lately the only post you found was one that said "the silence is deafening"? LOL

just so you know, i've not fallen off the face of the earth or into a pit of depression! just am without internet access right now so am checking my email sporadically and not having the time to blog like i wish i could... but let me say WOW... God is good!

i stand back and look over the last couple of weeks and the ways He has moved in the lives of my loved ones and i can't help but be AMAZED by his goodness! i look at the way He carried me through the spiritual attacks i have faced and can't help but fall on my face in thanksgiving.

.................................................................................

The other day I brought home an impulse bag of Nacho Cheese Combos. The pretzel kind. You know, the best ones. I love those things and only buy them occasionally because I WILL eat the entire bag. Apparently Zach loves them too. He kept coming back to get one or two more. And again. And again. And again. After a few times, this hungry mama was like "those are my combos!" LOL so the next time he came in he was really stealth about it. I was sitting on the couch, bag of combos on the floor in front of me. I was on my computer and so he came in and slowly crept down (right in front of me) and slid his hand in to get get a hand full of deliciousness. I watched him the whole time, not saying a word until he slowly stood and turned to walk away. Then I said "That was pretty sneaky" and he looked over his shoulder with that patented Zach grin and off he went with his Combos. (don't judge me here. maybe i should have taken the combos back from him, but i was completely disarmed by his cuteness).

This morning as I meditated on the last few weeks, I was thinking about those things that we lay at the feet of Jesus and then later go back and pick up. I know I'm not the only one who does that, so maybe this will minister to you also today. The thing is, we don't march to the throne boldly and announce to Jesus "I really want that discouragement back! It's MINE!" no... we creep in quietly, crouching, grab that thing we shouldn't have and run away like a child. But you know we aren't getting a handful of goodness (like Nacho Cheese Combos)... we are going to steal back depression, offense, financial problems, prodigal children, hurt, unforgiveness, guilt, blame, shame, self-hatred, pride... So this morning I was asking Jesus why He didn't just smack my hand away when I tried to pick things back up. And He immediately brought that story of Zach to mind. How I sat there and watched him "sneaking" right in front of my eyes. I saw everything he did but for whatever reason felt the need to let him follow through with his stealth act of combo-sneaking.

In my mind I could see Jesus standing there with things scattered around His feet and me creeping up to him. Not approaching His throne with great boldness, but rather timidity and apprehension, because lets face it, we know our mission is one we shouldn't be on. Glancing out of the corner of my eye to see if He's watching me. Crouching down and reaching my hand out to grab those things better left in His care. The me in my vision never looked up to His face, that me couldn't bear to see Him... but in my minds eye I could see the tears streaming from His eyes. The hurt as He let me take the things He knew I shouldn't have. His eyes upon me, and His heart aching for me to leave it alone.

Yet He doesn't force us back or yell at us. He allows us the choice to leave things at His feet, and the choice to pick them back up. And He loves us anyway. Then when we come back to Him, He graciously takes those burdens from our backs again.

I've given my burdens back to Jesus. This time I'm going to do my best not to sneak back into the throne room to pick them back up. Instead I'm going to approach Him with great boldness, feasting on the banquet of good things He has prepared for all of us who know Him. Seriously, who wants the filthy scraps from the floor when we could instead feast on divinity prepared by the hands of the Most High God?

the silence is deafening

2009-03-17T19:34:00.002-04:00

Any of you who know me, will not be surprised to find out that me and silence do not get along very well. Right now I am home alone. I've turned off the tv and the only sound is the ticking of my keyboard and the ceiling fan going 'round and 'round.

And my thoughts. My pesky, self-incriminating, endlessly nagging thoughts. Seth's blog post about Romans 12:1-2 made me wonder... you'll be changed from the inside out... yet here I am, a new creation in Christ wallowing in doubt and loneliness. A child of the Most High God, redeemed by grace second guessing every decision she's made and every word she's spoken over the last few months.

And quite honestly, it's driving me nuts. The noise of the silence is too much. If you want me to know that you are mad at me, or upset, or hurt- just stop talking to me... you won't have to say a word, or point out anything I've done wrong because frankly, my mind is more than happy to fill in the blanks accordingly. I know what a wretch I am. I just wish I didn't remind myself of it so often.

It's quite a paradigm, isn't it. On the one hand seeking to be renewed and transformed by Christ... on the other hand knowing what a job He has ahead of Him. The scripture says we'll be renewed from the inside out. But if I'm honest on the inside I have a long, long way to go. Maybe I'm like the pharisees that only wash the outside of the cup but on the inside still full of filth? That's not who I want to be... I want to be a glass that's transparent so that when you look to me you see straight through me to the Savior that's cleaning me up... but boy do I have a long way to go.

friday flashback.... anniversary edition

2009-03-13T15:26:00.006-04:00

Seventeen years ago at this very moment, a sophomore girl at the high school was a bundle of nerves. The cute boy at school she'd had her eye on forever had agreed to go with her to the Sadie's Hawkins dance that night. They were friends, and conversation usually came easy, but would it be different on a "date". Would it be weird and awkward? Will they dance? What if he doesn't like her? What if he does? And who picks a Friday the 13th to hold a first date? It was nearly more than a fifteen year old girl's heart could handle. She looked back over the school day, remembering every glance and smile they had exchanged that day. Please God, just let it be okay! Okay?

That night, Jim and I had our first date. We were both fifteen [but he was a freshman]. Was it awkward- you betcha! The first hour or two he hung out with his friends while I tagged along like a desperate puppy. But once the actual dance started, and the lights dimmed... his focus shifted to yours truly. Conversation came easily again. Dancing with him felt natural, right. And sometime that night we became BeckyandJim. By Monday morning it was apparent to all my friends that something good was going on. And leave it to Bev with her gift of blunt... "So, are you two dating or what?" Jim's answer, with a shrug "I guess". And it was official.

We were immediately inseparable, spending hours and hours and hours on the phone. Before long I was meeting his family, and this picture was taken on my first outing with the Boyles' clan in 1992. To this day it is one of my very favorite pictures of us. Even with the hair- mine the size of Montana (granted the wind had something to do with that) and Jim's little mullet peeking out the back- I can't help but smile with joy every time I look at it. His mom snapped this shot of the two of us during a boat ride, completely lost in each other. Completely happy. BeckyandJim.

Seventeen years. It's mindboggling, really. I look back and it feels like both yesterday and a lifetime ago. Seventeen years is a long time to spend with the same person, especially when you are just 32! I hope though, that seventeen years is just the beginning of our story. That some day we are looking back on fifty or sixty or seventy years together. It's not always been easy, and we've had our fair share of trials... but looking back I wouldn't change a thing. And looking forward I can't imagine life any other way.

the desert is what you make it

2009-03-13T11:02:00.003-04:00

I have been following the story of Abby Riggs. She's a beautiful little girl with a big, big heart, an even bigger family, and a big fight on her hands- with leukemia. I read their blog every day for a couple of reasons. One... I pray for Abby multiple times during the day, as does Tali who's taken a fondness for this little girl she's only seen in pictures, and we like to know specifically what to pray for. The other reason... it is one of the most ENCOURAGING, inspirational blogs out there. Despite the fact that this family is facing one of the single most difficult set of circumstances a family can be put in, and the doctor's grim use of percentages and statistics... they have a hope in Christ that allows them to Praise Him in all things, even in the desert. It was as I read their blog about a week ago I first heard the Lord whispering, the desert is what you make it.

He confirmed this Word last Friday night as I sat talking to some of my very favorite Christian sisters about being in the desert, and no sooner had I shared this Word than a phone rang, and the person on the other end shared a sermon he had just heard about the desert and that in many ways, the desert is what you make of it. She was like Becky just said that! Blow my mind, God!

And then He drove the point completely home as I met with a client... a young girl who was in an accident that has left her paralyzed. Her paralysis is complete from the waist down. Life in a wheel chair, and at an age that is difficult under the best of circumstances. As I asked her about her injuries she looked me straight in the eye and informed me "I am not disabled. I just can't walk". Here she is, with every excuse in the world to feel sorry for herself. Three months ago she was like every other kid in her class, and then her world was turned upside down. No one would fault her a bit for being mad at the world, or the situation, or the people that she was with when the accident happened. No one would fault her for questioning God, or lashing out at her family, or alienating herself from friends. But instead she chooses to laugh because she realized while going for a stroll with friends that it was down hill all the way home- and her friends couldn't keep up with her.

What is she making of her desert? I have seen many, many people completely give up on life when things like this happen. I have seen people lose loved ones and give up on God. I have known of people who got sick and sank into a sea of depression. I know people who complain every day about everything that's wrong with their life, despite the fact that their families are healthy, they have a job, they can walk and talk and breath.

I can't help but think about the Israelites- led out of slavery and into the desert by God. He took them there, why? Because He wanted them to rely fully on Him and to learn to trust His word. He provided for them with food, water, light, clothes that never wore out... He met every need. Yet what did they make of their desert? They whined and groaned and complained. They grew bored with the food provided by the very hand of God. They asked to go back into slavery! They built false idols out of the gold and silver God had provided for them to take from Egypt!!! Think about that!

They made a mess of their desert. They made forty years of their desert. Had they trusted God and followed Moses, they could have made the journey in about two weeks! But instead they whined their way into forty years in the desert. They shook their fist at God and questioned His provision.

But it's easy for me to look at the Israelites and say "what in the world were you thinking!? I mean, really, He gave you manna from heaven! He was present with you in the pillar of fire! He invited you to know Him! What in the world were you thinking!?"

And then God directs my attention to my own life, and asks me to examine what I've made of my desert seasons. We all have them. We all have dry spells where we feel broken, alienated, alone, unloved, weary, afraid. Sometimes God has to take us into the desert to get us where He wants us to go. The Israelites could not get from the land of slavery to the land of milk and honey without passing through the desert- physically and spiritually. God's promise from the beginning of Exodus is that He will deliver His people into the Promised Land...but He knew they'd have to go through the desert to get there. He knew it would be necessary to prepare their hearts for the many blessings He was ready to pour out on them, so that they would not forget that He is the LORD, provider, deliverer, healer, restorer, creator.

Are you in the desert? What are you making of it? Are you shaking your fist at God and asking why He would deliver you from the slavery of sin and death in the the lonely heat of the desert? Are you crying and whining because the only thing you have to eat is the manna He provides you with, and what you really want is a steak? Are you taking the gold and silver He has on loan to you, and melting it into a golden calf?

Or are you taking the time to glorify Him? To spend time in His presence? To meet Him in the desert as Hagar did? Are you using the time to feast on His Word and learn more about Him? Are you praising him in the midst of the sand storm raging around you? Abby's mom and dad have taken the opportunity to tell even more people about Jesus. To share their hope in Him, regardless of what God's will for Abby's beautiful life turns out to be. And they are far from the only ones. There is a whole community of bloggers out there praising Jesus despite the struggles and tragedies in their lives. I encourage you to follow the link to Abby's blog, pray for her, and be encouraged.

Then think about your life. What have you made of your deserts? If you are there now, what are you making of it? He is there alongside you, whispering "follow me, trust me, know me, rely on me." Lean into Him, allow Him to carry you through this time... and make the most of your desert.

friday flashback.... dad

2009-03-06T07:20:00.007-05:00

I promise today's post will be much more coherent and much less emotional than the one I posted yesterday!

I am so grateful to Uncle John for taking the time to put together a cd of pictures for me. As I flipped through the memories, I laughed, I cried... and I didn't want them to end... Each picture taking me back to a place I hadn't visited in a very long time. Over and over again, as pictures of Fireball, mom, dad, and me flashed across the screen I was reminded of how special my relationship with my brother is to me, how stylin' my mom was back in the day, what a cute kid I was at one time, and what a raging dork my dad was.
Seriously, folks. THIS was his favorite shirt...

That's right, reflective letters spelling out "BELLY" and an arrow pointing downward. I know, you are as green as his shirt with envy, aren't you? His fashion sense knew no bounds... I also have pictures of him sitting in our back yard - which at the time was across the road from Southside Park in Bicknell - wearing nothing but a pair of cut off shorty-shorts, white belly so proudly proclaimed in the above picture jutting out over the top of his pants, hair in an undefined poof jutting off the top of his head, and the confidence that he was looking good. The only way this outfit was ever improved upon was when it was paired with cowboy boots. Imagine that. I could post the picture for you, but it's early and you may be eating breakfast while you read this, so I'll spare you the visual. It's pretty amazing though, and it makes me smile.

This is another particularly special ensemble... seriously folks, this couldn't have been cool, even in the early '80s.

Is that hat for real? Maybe it had to be that tall to house all of his hair? And I love the fact that his wife beater is actually tucked in. Wow. But it's not just his mad fashion sense that earned him the title of world's most lovable dork... Imagine being in 3D or IGA (please tell me I'm not the only one that remembers 3D) and you realize that your dad is no longer with you. You quickly realize what's coming and you and your brother begin to look at each other, giggling with anticipation. Sure enough you hear him calling from the next aisle over "Elvira!!! Elvira wheerrre arrrre youuuuuu?" As you come around the corner, he comes limping toward you, who by this point are giggling uncontrollably, and your mother, who is doing everything within her power to ignore the site before. Not only has he assumed a limp, but both his glasses and his false teeth are now upside down. This may sound mortifying to many of you... but to us it was just another outing with Dad.

He didn't care if he was making a fool of himself. It was worth it for the smile. I kind of wish that he could see me now, grinning from ear to ear by the mere recollection of his antics! Picking kids up in the church bus, insisting on calling the girls "he" and "son"... just to get a rise out of them. Singing some of the worst renditions of God's music ever heard in the sanctuary of FBC. Being the biggest kid in the neighborhood when it came to sledding or the Fourth of July. Annoying my mom at every corner, but loving her with an undeniable passion at the same time. Those were the days.

I leave you this picture of dad and I. Seriously, could I get any closer to him? Man, I loved this man. I loved being with him, near him. I loved his goofy antics and his dorky clothes. I even loved that mass of hair (quite tame in this picture!). I loved the way he took care of us. And I loved the way he loved me.

I know he's somewhere singing praises and driving a heavenly church bus (think they have those in Eternity?). Or maybe he's sitting in a swing with a couple of oranges, waiting for the day he can share them with me? I don't know, but I hope God let him keep his mad sense of style, because Dad just wouldn't be Dad without it!

Love ya, daddy.

i can't breathe...

2009-03-05T15:36:00.003-05:00

when i think about stories like this one. All-American family. One son, a daughter on the way. One day announcing the name of your baby girl, the next laughing about soccer practice, and the next announcing that you've had to take your husband to the hospital. He was admitted. Within two weeks he has gone home to be with the Lord. I can't even breathe when I think about the enormity of this kind of loss. When for the split second that I can stand it, I try to put myself in this young mother's shoes. But only for a split second, because I would go crazy to stay in that place much longer.

I think of Jim and how frustrated I can get about the most retarded things. How mad I get when I hear from Bev that we have plans with them- Jim and Garry have talked about it- but I haven't been clued in. (and I know you know what I mean Bev- I love hanging with you guys- and thankfully Garry's learned to text me directly to keep me in the loop!) How insigificant is that. How hurt I was when he got so upset about the ding we (being Zach, Mother Nature, and I) put in Thomas's door. How hateful I wanted to be in return. Instead of thanking God that we were having that argument IN CHURCH, where he wanted to be so bad he dragged our sick daugther to the service so he wouldn't miss it! How insignificant. How selfish. How self-centered. I know that the woman who writes the blog I linked above would probably give everything just to hear her husband's voice one more time, even if it is frustrated.

What if something like this happened to him? What would I do then? But I can't go there. I love him to the core of who I am. And even though we don't communicate the same way. Even though we love differently. Even though I get on his nerves sometimes and he on mine. Even though I get so focused on myself that I can't see beyond my nose at times... I love him. And I cannot imagine my life without him. I cannot. He is amazing. And it may sound cheesy, but he completes me... because he is who I am not. He is who God chose to finish the package. To tie up my loose ends.

I know that this post is going all over the place...and I'm officially into the ugly cry now. Please know that I am writing from a very, very deep place inside of me that goes untouched for the most part. But I just received the most beautiful gift. A plain white cd... it doesn't look like much... but it is full of pictures of my dad. And reading that blog, and then looking at those pictures, and I'm reminded of how temporary this life is. My daddy has been gone for two decades, but looking at those pictures I was the twelve year old little girl who just heard the words "your daddy is gone". And it was just like that. In a flash. No warning.

I know what God means by a "vapor on the wind".... I've seen the vapor vanish in a moment. But man, I do a terrible job living my life in the light of that reality.

Lord, help me to love better today. Help me to show my appreciation for the little things. Give me the grace I need to overlook small hurts and offenses. Help me love like you love Lord. I thank you for this day... I thank you for the breath you give me this moment. I thank you for the family and friends that you have put in my life that complete me. And I thank you, Jesus, than you understand what it means to be separated from someone that you love, and that you were willing to do that for me. Father, help me love through the annoyances, frustrations, and hurt... just like you love me. Jesus, make me more like you.

doing math God's way

2009-02-27T13:03:00.006-05:00

Listening to the radio this morning I caught a message from Ron Hutchcraft about "downsizing". He related it to the story of Gideon being called to come against the Midianite army of 132,000 that consistently plundered Israel's harvest year after year. First arguing that he was not qualified for the job [we all know what God thinks about that, right?], he eventually gathered 32,000 men for his army. God's answer...

You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, 'Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.' [Judges 7:2-3]

God says 32,000 men is TOO MANY. Outnumbered 4 to 1 and that's TOO MANY. Why? Because God knows if victory came with 32,000 Israel would be tempted to boast. So with this statement, 22,000 leave the army... and guess what God says...

There are still too many!

And so he FURTHER prunes back the army until there are only 300 men left. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE! And Gideon is supposed to go against an army of 32,000. So the Lord tells him that if he is afraid, to do a little spy-mission type eavesdropping, and in doing so God encourages him. They do as the Lord called, and sure enough, the Midianites are defeated. And in such a way that NO ONE could deny the power of God.

Because that's the way God does math. You want to do more? Become less (John 3:30). You want to live a life of great abundance? [abundance of the lasting nature] Sacrifice.

My friend Christy has blogged lately about pruning. And I can't stop thinking about the definition she posted:
Prune 1. To cut off or remove dead or living parts or branches of (a plant, for example) to improve shape or growth. 2. To remove or cut out as superfluous. 3. To reduce: prune a budget. To remove what is superfluous or undesirable.

See, in the first definition, it says that pruning is a process of removing dead or living parts to improve shape or growth. In Gideon's army the first 22,000 to be pruned were fearful and would have been little help in battle, that is, they were dead. But the second 9,700 to be pruned were not fearful, they were living, yet they still needed to go so that God could show His glory.

My beautiful church family has been going through some [okay, a lot of] pruning lately. I have long since been frustrated with the apathetic church- and by that I don't mean FBC in particular, but the universal church- and this is going to sound terrible, but it didn't hurt that much when those just going through the motions were pruned away.

But when God's pruning didn't stop there, it started to hurt. When he began to prune away some of the living branches, I mourned. I cry as I type this because those individuals who have been called into another house of worship are my brothers and sisters, and I miss them. I ache for their presence. With my mouth I have professed "It will be okay" and "God has a plan in this" in my heart I couldn't help but wonder what in the WORLD is He doing to us? I KNOW THE PLANS He has for FBC, plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE, so how in the world does this play into it??? What is going on! God what are you doing!

Just like Gideon must have said when he looked out at an army, reduced from a respectable 32,000 to a skeleton 300.

But God knew His plans. He had to make them less, so that their reliance on Him would be COMPLETE. He had to make them less so that He could do MORE. As I pray for my Body, I keep hearing the Lord saying "Do more with less", but now I think I get it.

Just as Christy points out, pruning hurts. It's embarrassing, and humiliating, and painful. But when the gardener is our God, who loves us enough to do whatever it takes to make us into His image, it is worth it. Because when we are less, He is more, when we are weak, He is strong, when we can't, He can... and then He gets the glory. My big, big God gets the chance to show off and the world gets the chance to see what can happen when we FULLY trust and rely on Him.

I'm still going to miss seeing those faces on Sunday morning. And I still have to remind myself weekly that it's not a numbers game... but hearing the story of Gideon encouraged me because it reminded me that God's math so often works to the inverse of human reasoning. So as He continues to refine and prune us, I will continue to praise the hand that is at work... for I know that He is about to pour out over this Body like we have never seen or experienced before, and am I ever ready!!!

my man, clive staples

2009-02-26T15:37:00.008-05:00

If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. -c.s. lewis

Walk the Line

2009-02-22T20:24:00.009-05:00

As Jim flipped through the channels today, he stumbled on the end of the movie Walk the Line. I hear it's a good movie, but all I've seen of it are the ten minutes we caught today. And as He seems to be doing to me a lot lately, God spoke. Johnny Cash was apparently meeting with some sort of record execs (they had suits on and looked official at least) about a show he wanted to record at a prison. They were obviously not big fans of the idea, and were trying to talk him out of it. This guy was explaining to Johnny (I scribbled this down quickly, so it probably isn't an exact quote)... "Your fans are good folks, Johnny, Christians... they don't want to hear you singing to a bunch of murderers and theives in a prison, tryin' to cheer them up".

Johnny's response...
"Then they aren't Christians".

Ouch.

There are a lot of people in this world, specifically in this country, that call themselves Christian but have never done one single, solitary thing to demonstrate a life led by Christ. In fact, there are a lot of church-goers who would sit in judgement just as this record exec predicted. But Jesus tells us to go to the prisons, to the needy, to the widows and orphans. He tells us that if we love Him, we will feed His sheep. That if we love Him, we will love our brothers. That if we love Him, we will be radically changed, a new creation, peculiar.

To be honest, I have too much going on in my mind and my heart right now to adequately communicate the whisperings of my Creator. I have written and rewritten this post. I want to share. I want to tell you about it. I want to challenge my brothers and sisters in the same way I've been challenged. But my words aren't working... In the words of Elvis... I'm all shook up.

It's a good thing. A God thing. He's calling us to change, church. And I'm excited.

100th post!

2009-02-19T22:05:00.002-05:00

This is officially my 100th blog post! Not bad for someone who can't seem to remain focused on any one hobby or project for longer than 30 seconds!

Thanks for those of you who take the time to read the wild ramblings of a little girl seeking after the heart of her beautiful Creator. Thank you for your encouraging words. For your love and support during the hard times. Thank you for allowing me to be real. To be me.

God is doing some AMAZING things. He's calling us into deeper relationship, and I look forward to sharing the mighty works of His hands! Stay tuned, blogerotsky... 'cause God's about to move this place!

Praising Him!

granite countertops

2009-02-17T15:51:00.004-05:00

I have a confession to make. I love HGTV. I love it. I love Spice Up My Kitchen, Divine Designs, House Hunters, Property Virgins, Designed to Sell, My Big Amazing Renovation... at any given time you can catch me watching one of these shows- or one like it- dreaming dreams of new cabinets and wood flooring, granite countertops and spa-like bathrooms. Aaaaaah. That's living the dream, isn't it?

And then I look around my little house and am smacked in the forehead with reality. Tali and Zach crammed into a bedroom barely big enough for one. A bathroom with vintage 1970's sink, bathtub, and sink in a color of yellow that would make even perky Genevieve a little nauseous. A kitchen so small that Jim and I can barely stand at the sink and stove (which are across the room from each other) without bumping butts. Oh how I dream of a Big, Amazing Renovation of my own. How I would love to knock out half a wall between my kitchen and dining room in order to achieve the "open floor plan" sought by all on House Hunters. How we dream of adding on another bedroom, so Tali and Zach can have their own space. In fact, I spent a good bit of time talking about these exact dreams with some of my beautiful church family on Wednesday.

We want nice things. And if you're honest, you probably want nice things too.

But then, last Thursday, I was happily listening to the radio, giving almost no thought to what was being said. In fact I'm not even sure of the context of this comment- but it smacked me in the forehead with an entirely different reality.

Some sort of montage was playing. Snips and clips from the radio program over the past year. And this guy was saying "I don't need $5000 granite countertops to cut my tomato on".

The radio show host (who probably has granite countertops) laughed... the caller went on "Just think how much support that money would be for a missionary overseas?" and then my mind continued... or the needy family at my kids' school, or the family at church that can't seem to catch a break, or a crisis pregnancy center... That's a lot of money, folks.

This is probably going to sound ridiculous. Maybe it is. But I have not been able to shake this man's words from my head. "I don't need $5000 granite countertops to cut my tomato on". How many times have my hubby and I watched these home improvement shows together, critiquing their choices of stone, cabinets, and hardware? Applauding their choice of stainless steel appliances over slick black designs? Dreaming of a day we would own a kitchen like that of our own? Wanting shiny and new things, things I could be proud of.

what a spoiled brat i am.

If I am really honest, we have what we need. We have a kitchen. And a bathroom. And places to sleep, eat, and rest. We have luxuries that are just that- luxuries. Game systems, dvd players, televisions, computers. We have heat and air conditioning, electricity and running water.

Somewhere in the world there is someone sleeping on a dirt floor. A child going hungry. A mother dying because she can't get the antibiotic she needs (the same antibiotic I just threw away because Zach didn't finish his prescription last time). Places where indoor plumbing is unheard of. And I am whining because my toilet is yellow.

How hung up have we become on things in this country! THINGS. When the money we spend on those things could feed a starving family. I know that it sounds cliche, but I am asking you to take a moment and really, really think about that... when was the last time you went hungry (and I don't mean "too busy to eat" hungry but I have no food hungry). We don't know what it's like. We can't remember. This scripture was on my day planner for today:

When you have eaten your fill in this land, be careful not to forget the LORD, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. [Deut 6:11-12]

God is delivering His people into the Promised Land. He has rescued them from slavery and brought them through the desert. It's the moment they have waited for... entering the land of milk and honey... but God knows the risk. He knows the wicked heart and short memory of man, so He reminds them [us]... when you've eaten your fill, don't forget me.

I believe that God wants us to have what we need. But we've become gluttonous Christians, haven't we? We don't want to stop with our fill, we want to eat until our stomachs hurt. We want to put our Jesus Fish on the back of a nice, shiny car. We want to live in a home where we can easily entertain our church friends, and show off our pretty things. We want to go to a church that is "modern" and "fresh". We want to wear cute clothes. Carry fancy hand bags. We want master baths, dual sinks, please. We want to cut our tomatoes on a granite countertop. But what of the money we spend on this stuff? The money that would be left over if we really stopped when we have "had our fill"... what else could God use it for if we would allow Him? What could He accomplish if we were really willing to sacrifice for His Kingdom?

Oh friends, I write this as someone as gluttonous as all the rest. If you happen to have granite countertops, don't think I'm talking to you. This one's all for me. I have things that I want [insert iPod touch here], and things that I will probably eventually buy that I don't need. But what would happen if I really let the Lord take hold of my finances and use them for HIS will? What if as a Body we all did the same? What if our churches stopped looking around at the physical work that needs done and see the spiritual repairs that are so much more important? My pastor, Seth, is quoted as saying during a mission meeting "Well, if we are going to go broke I don't see any better way to do it than feeding God's children."

That's the mind we need to have. That's the heart change I need. Meeting the needs of His people rather than the desires of this spoiled brat.

God has delivered us, church! He has freed us from the chains of sin and death. He has given us the gift of eternal life! What's that worth? How much are we willing to sacrifice out of love and obedience to the one who sacrificed EVERYTHING for us? Are we willing to give "til it hurts". Are we willing to offer our abundance to the least of these? Are we willing to meet His children at their point of need? To be His hands and feet? To acknowlege that none of this is ours in the first place? To stop worrying about whether or not something is "dated" and instead worry about how it could be used for His kingdom? To stop being ashamed by my little, dissheveled, mess of a house and instead realize that this home can be used for ministry? It's a challenge, church. The question is, are we up for it?

Are we willing to worry more about the tomato... about the need... than we do the granite countertop?? Are we?

say what?

2009-01-25T19:13:00.002-05:00

sitting at the computer, i heard zach laughing and yelling as tali chased him through the house... this is what i overheard next

tali- AAAaaAAAaaAAAAHHHhhHHhhHhhHHHhH!!!!!! [as she catches zach]

zach- oh man, i hate wedgie night.

tali- shoot!

zach- oh well, you can do wedgie night tomorrow.

tali- yeah, since i didn't get your underwear on that one.

they then walked together into their bedroom, sat down, and chatted about whatever was on tv.

as i looked on in utter confusion.

Amazing

2009-01-16T23:59:00.005-05:00

As we drove in to have supper tonight, I clicked off the "Jesus music" in the car and switched over to 89.1 for Jim. The kids were so wound up, that it really wasn't until much later, when we stopped for gas on our way home, that we could even hear anything coming through those little speakers... Suddenly Tali pipes in "Mom, is this a good song?" Listening for a minute I realized that, in fact, it wasn't a great song for the kids and answered her accordingly. "Well, where's our church music then?" I love that Tali and Zach both dig on mommy's Christian music... but am more than aware that at times it rubs a little thin on my man. And as he was currently pumping gas in single digit temperatures, I felt a little compromise was in order.

However, as he climbed back in the truck, she asked again - this time getting specific... "Mommy, can you play number 15?" Aaaah, number 15. That may work. You see my friend Carol accidentally stuck a song on the end of my Third Day cd (technically she gave me a cd intended for someone else I think). She wasn't even aware that she had done so until I mentioned it at a much later date. The song found at number 15 is My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust. It's a song that Roger, Courtney, and Jonathan sing frequently (and beautifully), one that Jim has heard them perform twice now, and one that he really likes.

A glance at him told me that he was okay with the genre change. I start the song and look out the window, praising the Lord that somehow He has managed to carve out this moment for our family. To speak to my hubby through this powerful song. To bring us closer together, and to continually woo us into His will.

And then the chorus hit...
First came Tali's voice, strong and proud. Then I could hear Zach singing with all his might.
And finally, I realized Jim was singing too. Quietly at first, but then building.

At first I could just sit there, still looking out the window, afraid to look at Jim and mess up the moment. I had tears in my eyes and a heart nearly exploding with the beauty of it all. I know, it's just a song... I know it's not that big of a deal to some... But I have never had the joy of hearing my family sing praises to the Lord together before. Not all three of them. Never.

In fact, there was a time that I couldn't even imagine it happening. But I'm not skilled to understand... what God has willed what God has planned.... So I thanked God. I thanked Him and thanked Him and thanked Him...

And then I sang too. And it was a thing of beauty.

My Savior, My God. Aaron Shust
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on High
And come for sinful men to die
You count it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is,
My God He's always gonna be (x6)

My Savior lives, My Savior loves
My Savior lives, My Savior loves

friday flashback

2009-01-16T10:58:00.003-05:00

A good friend of mine suggested I share this story [for many of you- again] as a Friday Flashback. It's a fun story, but one with a point as well, so it seemed like a great idea. Then, this morning our fabulous church secretary called to let me know Tali will be the scripture reader and to provide me with the passage... which, of course, fit perfectly with the already requested story. So there you have it, confirmation that I'm to blog this and proof that God loves to use my own embarassment to His glory.

A couple of years ago someone I love very much was in the midst of the most profound grief one can imagine, and he asked a favor of me- "Could you run to the liquor store and pick up a case of beer"? Uggggggh. I am not judging his desire to have a couple of beers during such a time as this (or any other time for that matter)... I just hate to be seen at the liquor store! No time to argue though, so I hopped in the car and away I went. No big deal.

Until a week later at SonShine Kids. I was the group leader for second and third graders and I loved those kids and I like to think that those kids loved me. We were getting ready to move from one station to the next and I had my group all lined up. The little girl in the front was one of my favorites (I know you aren't supposed to have those, but let's be real here, we all do)... she was from somewhat of a rough home, didn't have much materialistically but had a love for Jesus and the sweetest heart. What happened next is inscribed in my memory to the smallest detail, like a movie.

Looking up at me, with her sweet little voice, she said "I saw you at the liquor store".
"No, honey, I don't think that was me. I don't drink..." I answered with a confused expression on my face.
"Yes, it was you, and you had beer".
This is where that sinking feeling started in my gut. You know that feeling.
"Oh. Oh, honey... yes... that was me. I can't really explain that, but it wasn't for me..." To follow was some stammering and broken explanation that I was doing a favor for a friend. And conviction from the Lord... The World is Watching.

Dear Friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us. [1 Peter 2:11-12]

The world is watching... and God asks us to live our lives in such a way that even if they accuse us of doing wrong the lives we live will testify differently. Someone said recently- the best sermons are LIVED, not preached. So true! Are you living out your sermon?

Now, I have to honestly say, I probably wouldn't have changed going to the liquor store that day. The time and the requestor was such that it was not the appropriate time to argue about a case of beer, he was in the midst of grief at it's rawest form, so who am I? But the lesson in this for me was to always keep in mind that people are watching. If you profess to be a Christian, if you say that you are trying to be more like Jesus, they are watching. What do they see? Of course we are going to fall short of perfection, and there will be times we are "caught in the act"... but overall am I living a life worthy of the call? Am I living up to His command: "Be holy as I am holy"? When the world sees me, do they see a "peculiar" person (well, of course they do! but not THAT kind of peculiar!)? Do they see something different about me? Do they see Jesus?

This is what we are striving for, friends. We should be different. We should respond differently to the trials of this old world. We should behave differently. We should live our lives as aliens and strangers, because this world is not our home! We are called to something much greater... Now let's live like we believe it!!!

With Our Doors

2009-01-05T22:18:00.004-05:00

A week or two ago I was perusing our church website. It's recently redesigned and so I was clicking all the links, checking out the spread, when I found a little error... the Sunday School class I teach, Without Walls, was incorrectly listed as "With Our Doors". At first I laughed, because this is a typically Seth typo [no offense, Seth, it's just the truth]... But as I emailed him about it, a hard truth began to settle in. I realized that as much as we as a Body strive for a life without walls... what we usually achieve is a life with our doors.

Doors that we open and close at will. Doors that we use to let people see what we want them to see. Even our best attempts at transparency, when we feel as though we are letting others see the dark side of our thought lives, can be veiled attemps to garner appreciation or affirmation or sympathy. I've done that. I've unloaded on someone and then said "just trying to be transparent"... but I really want them to see how bad I have it or how poorly I've been treated [at least in my own mind]. Ouch.

Instead of living in complete unity as Christ asked us to do, we build denominational walls. Walls of gender. Walls of age. Walls of beliefs. Walls of status. And once we realize the call of Christ and determine to tear down those walls... more often than not we just end up installing more doors. Right? Installing a door to let this group in... but that one is still a little "too fringe" for me. A door to let these people in, but let's keep it shut on those folks that are so "strict" in their beliefs. What about the walls we've built around people who have hurt us? Those within our own church family who have stepped on our toes? What kind of doors to you have installed to let them in on some parts of you, and keep them out of others?

And what about those outside the four walls of our church buildings? What about the lost and dying world we encounter every single day... How many walls do we have built there? How many friends do you have that are non-believers? How do you respond to brothers and sisters in Christ who have walked away from the faith? Jesus had no walls when it came to people... he taught in the synagogue and then ate with sinners. He met the demon-possessed and repentent with the same kind of grace. He still does. Do we?

And worst of all, are the doors we have installed in our relationship with Christ. Do you still have walls built around parts of your heart? Do you still have a door to the world, a place where you can go and visit at will without that pesky Jesus hanging over your shoulder? Hmmm? I do. Have you built a wall of justification around the sins in your life? I have!

I'm going to be transparent here. I don't like writing this right now! And I'm not looking for affirmation or sympathy or any of that. I'm telling you that this revelation has been MIGHTILY convicting for me. I'm not preaching at you friends, He's preaching at me. I've had this nagging thought since I read "with our doors"... and it's taken me at least two weeks to put this post to screen because therein lies the conviction.

I haven't torn down the walls in my life.

I have installed doors.

And I have comforted myself with the thought that with a nice big door- there's LESS wall there.

But there can't be a door without a wall, can there?

I do want to live a life without walls. I want to be transparent, honest, real... I want to get myself out of the way so that Jesus can do His work... in me and in this world. I want to live in unity with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to love this lost and dying world with the same passion Christ does. I want to mourn for those who don't know Him. I want to speak to the hearts hardened against Him. But mostly I want more of Him. I want to live FOR HIM. I don't want what this world has for me, because all it has is death and disappointment... but in Christ I find fulfillment and LIFE. Who would want to build a wall around THAT? And with more of Him, friends, the walls will come down. As we seek to become more like Christ we will stop installing doors and instead begin the work of steadily chipping away at the walls.

I am often reminded that one of the last things Christ asked the Father for in the Garden, was that we would live in unity. Why? So that the world would see that and KNOW that Christ was the real deal. And complete unity has no walls. It just can't. We may not get there this side of eternity friends, but Jesus is asking us to try... and the only walls we have control over are the ones we built ourselves. So lets start pecking away and then stand amazed as God moves!!!

how he loves me

2008-12-29T23:40:00.002-05:00

The oil in my truck- that he changes faithfully every 3,000 miles.
The large Dr. Pepper- that he will stop and get me on his way home. The kind in the styrofoam cup with the good ice. The kind that is better than any other kind, that he has to go out of his way to get.
The gas in my truck- probably pumped and paid for by him. He does so without grumbling or complaining, which is more than I can say for myself when I have to put gas into my own truck. He just checks the gauge and then pulls up to the pump.
The couch- that he always lets me lay on in the evening. The one with the best view of the TV.
The time away from home- mostly spent at church, grouping, or Emmaus functions. Time that he graciously allows me to have, guilt-free... to do what God wants me to do even though he really doesn't understand yet why I'm doing it. Even picking the kids up from church every Wednesday night without question or complaint so that I can "do my thing".
The chicken salad- that he makes while making his own tuna salad. Because he knows I don't like tuna.
The green pitcher in our fridge- always filled with semi-sweet tea made just for me. Just to my liking. Because I'm the only person I know that likes semi-sweet tea. So when he makes the Kool-Aid and the normal person tea, he also makes mine.

there are dozens more. probably hundreds. sometimes i don't appreciate them. others i don't even notice them. but tonight, as i sipped my dr. pepper, the one with the really good ice, i realized just how good i have it.

he may not always be the most romantic man in the world. and most of the time communication is NOT his strong point.

but he speaks his love in so many other ways... i just have to be sure i'm listening.